Ranma the Forever Man
by WFROSE
Summary: Volume Three. The journies of an immortal Gymnist, a violent Amazon, and their hunt for the Forever Man
1. Prologue

Not sure if I'll ever come back to this again. Just felt like jotting it down and sharing it after breaking out the ol' Genny and playing some classic games.   
Ranma/Chakan crossover   
  
"I'm Ranma Saotome, and I'm the greatest there is."   
  
Everyone knew it, I couldn't be touched. Heh, everyone who fought with me had thown everything they had into it, and I always came out on top. No matter what they did, they couldn't keep me down."   
  
"Feh, got to the point where the old Amazon Ghoul and the other geriatric freak couldn't take me down. Even got them to acknowlege it too. Anyone who wanted a piece of me soon after fell into line. Herb wanting a rematch, not that he had anything against me anymore, he just wanted to affirm himself as my superior. Superior my ass, like a few overgrown ki tricks were enough. Taro wasn't even a consideration, in either form. Saffron... let's just say the second fight was a lot messier... for him. I was gett'n pretty popular. Others from around the world came to challenge me, it always ended the same, with them looking up at me from their backs, when they were capable of the act of looking."   
  
"That clenched it for me. I probably was just a bit too smug for my britches, but I couldn't help but brag, 'I'm Ranma Saotome, the greatest. Nobody can beat me, not even death himself'. I mean, I already had once. Brought Akane back from Death's door, pretty sure it pissed him off when I did it too."   
  
"Yeah, a little to smug."   
_____________________________________________________________________   
  
In the Japan forest, two fighters face off   
  
"Do you understand the terms of this battle?" The grim but hansome faced man asked. He wore solid black that was more than black, it was finality. The man himself looked utterly pale, as if his body had never contained a drop of blood to hue his flesh.   
  
"Yeah, yeah, I lose, like that's gonna happen, you get my soul or something."   
  
The opposing man raised an eyebrow in amusement, "You take this so lightly, impressive."   
  
Ranma merely dusted his nails in impudence, "I win, I get to claim something no one else has ever done, beat death. We can skip the fight you know, don't wanna actually have to ruin your image. Probably bad for your business."   
  
Death took a stance, it wasn't anything fancy, very practical as it formed a defensive shell which could explode with a multitude of attacks easily, "Well, as long as you understand the risks..." the pale man chuckled to himself, "I don't see why we shouldn't, as they say, get this show on the road? Just to let you know, you could lose, either way."   
  
Ranma stood with his hands behind his back, looking oblivious to the danger before him. Inside he was smiling. Just another one for the resume.   
_____________________________________________________________________   
  
"Don't matter the outcome of the battle, if I won or lost, I mean. What I'm stuck with now is the making of my own pride. I got to watch as almost all I knew grew older and died, or just died. Yeah, kinda grim, but I don't care anymore. Now I fight for my own right to die."   
  
"I've been wondering the earth for Kami knows how long, seen civilization peak, then fall hard on it's ass. By that time I was hard enough to laugh when it happened, nothing much getsAAAAAH!"   
  
"Another one?" A feminine voice asked.   
  
"Yeah. Bastard's giving me another frigg'n mission. Dammit, I wish I could just fucking die already. Getting tired of the prick toying with us like this."   
  
Ranma's partner looked at him with sad eyes, there was one boone death had granted him for his servitude, even though it tore Ranma up knowing what she suffered.   
  
Akane looked away, lest Ranma see the slight resentment she still had for him, even after all these centuries, before replying, "So do I, Saotome-san." 


	2. Issue #1 Vol #1 'A Start Somewhere'

Ranma; The Forever Man  
  
  
  
It hadn't enjoyed a meal so tender in years. The girl that sat under its claws, and in its jaw, must have lived a somewhat sheltered life in these times. The ungrateful whelp probably had run away from home in one of the sheltered towns because she didn't get that pretty new trinket she had seen or something. Not that the creature cared, as it idly used its barbed tail to toy with its meal's scattered entrails.  
  
Ranma and Akane quietly approached the demon in a scatter-forested area. It's purple skin, barely lighter a shade than the dusk sky, was splotched with red stains, while it's bulking arms held the mangled body down as if it were to escape suddenly, standing on it's miniscule legs and balanced by it's tail.  
  
"Haven't seen one of those before," Ranma mused, "You wanna take this one?"  
  
"Touch that thing? Eww, you know how long it is to the next town before I can take a nice bath again?" Akane stated with a hint of amusement in her voice.  
  
"Yer right, don't want you stink'n like a corpse. Then again, you'll probably attract all sorts of fuckers, and make my job a whole lot easier not having to hunt them down." Akane glared straight at Ranma, then just diverted her eyes, as she seemed to idly scratch her nose, 'accidentally' aiming her middle finger at her husband.  
  
Ranma smirked as he stood up from behind the rock they were observing from, and strode into the open, drawing the Saotome honor blade. It had been tempered with alchemy so that it was neigh invulnerable to damage, and barely suffered any wear over several millennia. Ah, the miracles of psuedo-science.  
  
The metallic ring of metal from a scabbard drew the beast's attentions to the figure standing in defiance. Instinctively, the creature knew that the menacing thing before it intended to take its food away. In defiance, the demon roared, and ran gorilla like towards Ranma.  
  
With a slight sniff of distain, Ranma let the beast get close enough for it to attack, idly watching as it's bulky claw ripped forth to gouge open his chest. Ranma somersaulted over the creature, and didn't even turn around as it ran into the tree behind him, and then as it's head rolled off from the clean swipe though it's neck.  
  
"See? Not a speck of..." Ranma turned to see what color the creature's blood was, "purple on me."  
  
"Eeh," Akane replied, strolling out from the hiding place, placing herself so Ranma was between the corpse and herself, and then put her hand on Ranma's chest and traced small circles with her index finger, "Wanna fool around?"  
  
Ranma stared at Akane; the weirdest things seemed to turn her on. He casually wiped the blood from his blade on Akane's shirt while replying, "Na, I have a headache."  
  
Akane's hand shoved hard against Ranma's chest, "Bastard, this was my favorite shirt!"  
  
Ranma smirked, relishing pissing her off like this. It was his other reason for living. He then noted that though Akane had gotten extremely good at hiding her emotions over their extended lifetime, he could detect a small smirk trying to bring itself forth from her face.  
  
Akane backed up and smiled, as Ranma grimaced at the barbed tail sticking out his stomach from behind. The man glared at the young looking woman, who shrugged innocently. With an almost casual motion, Ranma brought his sword behind him, and spun it once like a fan blade, lobbing a good portion of the tail off, and then pulled the rest out through the front, "What the hell was that for?"  
  
Akane shrugged again, and then let out a giggle that held a child's glee in it. She had practiced it for centuries to perfect that giggle, and enjoyed using it to in turn piss Ranma off.  
  
******************************************************  
"The first few centuries or so, I was pretty lonely. Everyone I knew had kicked the bucket, and my rather freakish appearance kept me from making too many public appearances. I assumed at the time that Death took pity on me when he told me of a way to bring back someone who had been my companion... until she passed away. If I knew then what I knew now, I probably would had waited until the feeling passed.  
  
Suspected I would have to run some sort of overgrown obstacle course in order to accomplish this, on top of that finding that I was running an errand for Dark Boy (heh, he hates when I call him that). The son of a bitch coulda resurrected Akane anytime he felt like it; he did hold dominion over souls after all.  
  
Anyhow, after destroying high and mighty demon that Death wanted offed, I got Akane back. I thought I fell in love with her all over again. Now I know that only one part of my body was falling in love with her, like rigor mortis settling in.  
  
The first few years, Akane and me seemed to be in Heaven, but it didn't take long for Akane's opinion to change. I still remember, having to gut a particular nasty fucker, apparently for it to stay dead, I had to split it open like a tuna going on for sashimi at a bar. I guess Akane was in denial about what I did, taking it as a necessary evil. But I think that's when she got a good look at my face, and knew I was enjoying it.  
  
Hey, of course I was enjoying it! Thanks to these bastards, I can't even take a piss without feeling the pain of their victims. True Death was the one who gave me this lovely gift, but he was currently untouchable, and they were available. Maybe I did go a bit far when I started removing organs delicately and labeling them. Biology was a short hobby of mine.  
  
'I'm in Hell,' were the first words she had said since that night, took her a whole week to speak. 'Couse I was worried about her then, I had this annoying disease quaintly dubbed 'love', what I was slowly noticing at the time, was Akane dear seemed to be becoming cured.  
  
Eventually, it all got a bit too much for her, and after coming back from one scoring some grub, I found her with her wrists split, and Death chuckling as he looked down at her.  
  
I guess he thought it was really funny, come to think of it, it is pretty damn hilarious. Akane though, she didn't get the joke, when she woke up after bleeding 'to death'. That moment on, she seemed a bit resentful of her newly discovered immortality, and in extension, me. Caused me no end of pain at the time, but eventually she came to terms with it.  
  
That was the start of her 'we're Kami' phase. Took a good portion of several decades to slap that notion out of her. By then I stopped caring about things anyhow, but she was getting damn annoying with her insistence of being worshiped. I was always a private person myself. Though I had to admit, it was a good chuckle when she instigated the Theurgistic Holocaust, the final fall of civilization. Not even a couple of crazy Bastards from where the radiation zones stand releasing a deadly bio-toxin into the world, punishing perceived infidels to please their tin God held a candle to the anarchy my wife cooked up. She's gotten better though, she now meddles with mortals as a way of entertainment, rather than a misplaced belief that she is the almighty.  
  
Eventually, we both realized that we had too many differences, and as I pulled my sword from her esophagus so she could speak properly (communication is an important part of a marriage, after all), and she stopped choking the air from me by the lungs only, we decided to split.  
  
Even helped her get aboard one of the few flying crafts still around, just so we could put at least a continent between us. I sat there for about a half hour, grieving over my 'divorce' by dancing around, getting thoroughly piss drunk, and singing 'ding dong the witch is gone'; when she created a comically shaped hole shaped like her spread eagle, just to the left of me.  
  
'Wow, that was a rush!' I recall her saying as she climbed out of the hole, then she turned towards me with a brilliant smile that made my eternal heart skip a beat, and said, 'Damn, missed.' I guess I was a little shocked; I almost missed the sound of the derringer igniting into a ball of flame. Akane always had a flare for the dramatic.  
  
Looked like the magic between us was still there, despite the fact that I would gladly keep my immortality just to see the bitch slowly bleed to death, while she lovingly awakens me every so often in the mornings by skewering me to wherever I slept.  
  
Aren't we so romantic?  
******************************************************  
  
Akane turned around and skipped away, but still catching Ranma's reply, "Damn it, you know how long this is gonna take to heal?"  
  
The raven-haired girl rolled her eyes around and turned back to Ranma, "Oh, for fucks sakes, just use an elixir."  
  
Ranma mumbled a few choice words concerning his spouse, while removing a covered vial from his leather vest and gulped it down.  
  
"Tsk, tsk, I'm pretty sure he was saving that for something important," a familiar voice said behind the couple, "Say, Ranma, how close are you to ridding the world of all the beasts of the dark?"  
  
Both turned to see Death. He wasn't in the guise Ranma first met him in oh so long ago. He was still pale, but instead of a hair as slick as a raven's feathers, he was bald. On his shoulders he wore chrome-plated skulls that were slightly covered by the cape fastened over his right breast. The rest of him was covered in a coarse bronze armor. Fashion sense, Death lacked.  
  
Ranma's infernally glowing eyes blazed in a simile of hellfire. If it would have done any good, Ranma would have attacked the man behind him. Unfortunately trying to kill death was an exercise in futility, and beside that he was trying to conserve movement so his intestines didn't spill out. It was a bitch to coil them up, and put them back in properly again. Ranma idly wondered if it would be worthwhile to remove a few feet, but then rationalized his stomach would look funny if he did.  
  
"What the hell do you want?" Ranma growled, his face slowly showing his gaining relief as he healed up.  
  
"I'm hurt, thoroughly, I just wanted pleasant conversation with two of my best friends!"  
  
"Don't worry about Mr. Rigor-mortis-in-all-the-wrong-places, it's that time of month again, "Akane said with a smirk, "Just look at him bleed all over the place." Ranma growled indignantly.  
  
"I see, and he's not even in his cursed form, quite an amusing plight," replied Death, Ranma's Jusenkyo curse had given him no end of entertainment. Good thing he hindered every attempt Ranma had made to cure it. Besides, the Grim Reaper thought Ranma would lose something if he was cured of it, he just wouldn't be... Ranma!  
  
"Chuck it all up, Dark Boy," growled Ranma, as he stood straight up, "Tell us what you want, and get the hell outta my sight."  
  
Death fake pouted, then dumped a pail of water over the now redhead immortal, then smiled again. "You make a beautiful corpse, you know that?" Akane chuckled at the scene.  
  
Death walked up to the abstract sculpture the demon made of the young girl, and pulled out a small pouch, "I wanted to make a request. Please return this to her parents, and let them know the tragedy that befell her," Death dramatically swooned in mock remorse.  
  
"And, what do we get in return?" Akane asked, seductively leaning her chest against the broad chest of the Specter of Eternal sleep.  
  
Death wagged a finger in front of Akane's face, "Sorry, Akane dear, I have a headache."  
  
Akane screamed in rage as she brought her barbed whip to bare, barely missing a laughing death as he leapt back then disappeared.  
  
Ranma smiled as he looked at the purse of the girl, deciding to conveniently remind himself of the martial artist's duty, plus the fact that Akane so hated to work pro-bono. 


	3. Issue #2 Vol #1 'Condolences to the Fami...

Ranma the Forever Man  
Issue 2, Volume 1  
  
  
  
  
Ranma and Akane strode into the nearest town they presumed the girl to be from. It was like many that scattered the lands of their time. A contorted version of a small town from their eras, manufactured street signs and brick and mortar buildings looking slightly out of place in the reddish burgundy sky. Most of the slightly mutated townsfolk went about their business, not interested in a couple of drifters blowing in with the wind.   
  
********************************************************  
Both the hue of the sky and the mutations were effects of the Theurgistic Holocaust, and if they ever realized who we were, we'd sadly have to annialate the town, or at least until someone saw reason and left us in peace. Took forever to live the rep down from Akane's lil' stunt. You realize how hard it was to get a decent drink at a somewhat reputable bar, when people attack you on sight?  
********************************************************  
"Hey now, don't you two look like a nice two pairs of holes to fuck?" Both Ranma and Akane turned to see a group of rough looking guys, openly leering at them.  
  
Akane's face lit up with that same practiced childish glee, acting as if she was barely able to contain her 'youthful' energy, "Hi! I'm Akane, you want to be friends?"  
  
The group simultaneously blinked at this, before returning to their confidant smirks, "Sure, we can get to know each other in the alley here." The pudgy one with the wires sticking out of his arm at random intervals stated.  
  
"We ain't really got time for this, Akane," Ranma stated, turning on her heels to continue forward.  
  
"Be a shame if we can't have you too, Red. Mebbe we'll just take your turn out on your dyke friend here?"  
**********************************************************  
  
I didn't have much like for 'Kane nowadays, but I'm the only one (other than Death of course, he was always good for a few laughs when I could stomach his appearances), who could badmouth my wife. I wouldn't be a good and loving husband if I let this one slide. I turned to see what Akane's reaction was, finding her 'innocently' shining eyes and hopeful expression, complete with the fists under her chin, looking back right at me.  
  
"Ranma, can I? Pretty pleeeeeaaase?" I couldn't resist her when she begged like that, mostly. Sometimes. She added that cute little thing she did with that button nose of hers to settle my decision. Times like that at least consoled me for bringing her back in the body of a sixteen year old. I still feel like a fucking pedophile sometimes tho'.  
  
I could feel my gaunt face stretching involuntarily into a smirk, "Sure, happy Birthday, hon."  
  
The girl literally bounced with exuberance, clapping her hands together in joy while hoping from foot to foot, pretty disgusting display if ya ask me. Akane skipped to the passageway the gang gestured to, them closely following behind her. A few seconds later, the screams began. Well it wasn't as if they'd be doing the gene pool any favors anyhow. Consider it our contribution to the continuation of the semi-human race.  
  
I idly noted that Akane wasn't being as creative as usual; I guess she really didn't care to be imaginative today. Though I have to admit, her technique as she hopped up and down with both feet on the pudgy one's chest in a successful attempt at widening the new center cavity she created, was pretty decent.  
  
Then again, we had spent several millennia training in the art, she was almost as good as me... almost. Remember who was the guy who took on Death head on and won, now. Of course she just won't acknowledge that fact, regardless of me consistently taking her down whenever I had to assert my authority. Of course Akane made up in the difference in skill level with a hearty persistence and abundant energy. I swear the silly little bitch didn't know the meaning of restraint...  
*****************************************************  
  
A fist connected with Ranma's head, sending her reeling and shaking the redhead out of her musings.  
  
"I HEARD THAT!" Akane yelled, recovering from throwing the dismembered limb, and returned to her bloody river dance.  
*****************************************************  
  
Whoops, I did I say that out loud?  
*****************************************************  
  
Ranma kept glancing sideways at Akane in disgust, before speaking up, "You gonna go around town like that?"  
  
Akane looked up innocently at Ranma, the look on her face totally ruined, as her whole body was slick with blood, even her hair was soaked with it. Ranma had to wonder why Akane decided to wear that guy's scalp as a skull cap, he probably had lice, "What do you mean?"  
  
"Jeez, Akane, if you just stroll through town looking like that, someone's gonna start screaming..."  
  
Akane spontaneously raised her hand, and blasted an innocent bystander into a red puddle with a ki blast. Everyone on the street froze suddenly, prompted to finally fleeing for his or her lives once someone made the cry, "IT'S THE BLOOD LADY!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!"  
  
"Again..." Ranma mumbled, agitated, "Why the Hell did you do that for?"  
  
"Entertainment value," Akane replied casually, staring back at Ranma with practiced feigned innocence, "and the timing just felt right." For the umpteenth time, Ranma wished that when he was feeling alone in the world, he had gotten a dog instead of choosing to resurrect his wife.  
  
"Now how do you expect us to find this girl's parents?"  
  
"YOU! DEMONS TOOK MY BABY!!!" A rather regal looking woman yelled down from prestigious building she was located in. Armed mercenaries with a fair amount of training swarmed around the two girls.  
  
"Okay, I guess I asked for that," Ranma simply stated, rubbing the temples of her forehead, "I simply just can't take you anywhere."  
  
"Pah, you know you love me."  
  
"We'll debate that later," Ranma quipped, pulling out her sword and taking a menacing stance, "We come in peace, we do not mean you any harm," the soldiers didn't even see Ranma move when she sliced a merc trying to sneak up behind her, vertically.  
  
"Yes, we actually came to... ugh... inform you sadly... dammit, why won't you come off!... daughter's demise... finally! Damn you're stubborn!" Akane casually tossed the head she had just ripped off one soldier before diving at another one.  
  
"DAMMIT AKANE! They already suffered a tragic loss. Retaliate only if attacked, these guys probably cost them a pretty sum," Ranma scolded, while school one soldier the fine art of sword swallowing. Apparently he wasn't a very good student. Ranma despaired that it may have something to do with his teaching methods.  
  
"Well, excuse me. We'll just leave some form of restitution."  
  
Ranma paused from awkwardly trying to pull her leg out from the hole in one soldier, "And where, pray tell, do you plan on getting the money to do that?"  
  
Akane smiled as she grabbed one of the mercs who weren't smart enough to run in the opposite direction, rotated his head one-eighty degrees... slowly... then held him up while rummaging through his pockets, "See? These guys are loaded! Besides, that woman and man deserve a refund."  
  
"Well, I guess they're not gonna need it," Ranma shrugged before turning to parry a sword blow from another soldier, who seemed a bit more experienced than the other ones, Ranma noticed something on the guy's neck, "Hey, what's that on your neck?" There was a flash, "don't worry, I got it." Ranma didn't bother to watch the guy's head roll off as he turned to look for his next opponent, and strangely felt disappointed when no one was left. Akane was going from corpse to corpse, looting the bodies.  
  
"*Ahem*, as we were saying, we mean you no harm, and come in peace," Ranma stated as diplomatically as he could, while trying to wipe off the blood on his hands on his pants.  
  
"Who, who are you?" The former father and apparent high-ranking official of the town stuttered fearfully, "What kind of monsters are you?"  
  
"Name's Ranma, I was hunt'n the demon that took your daughter. I'm... sorry, I didn't make it in time." Ranma pat himself on the back; that actually sounded sincere. The master fighter held out the girl's pouch for the father to receive it. After gaining the courage, the man shakily reached a hand out to take it.   
  
He fell to his knees when he confirmed who was the former possessor of the purse, "So... she's?"  
  
"Decorating the forest with her colon?" Akane supplied helpfully from a distance. Ranma sighed as he picked up one of the soldier's swords, and lobbed it at Akane, smiling at he heard the satisfying sound of flesh being pierced.  
  
"Hey! I just washed this shirt!" Akane yelled indignantly.  
  
"You, you hunt those damn abominations that plague us?" The woman asked, teary eyed. Akane suddenly felt a bit embarrassed, as she tried to subtly kick one soldier's corpse away somewhere out of sight. It seemed a bit tacky to kill one's footsoldiers while the one they served under suffered a family crisis. Akane blushed.  
  
"Yeah, kinda my job. They bother the hell outta me, so I aim to remove them from my sphere of influence." That sphere being the planet Earth.  
  
The aristocrat snorted at the fallen in distain, "These were to be the ones to remove our plight. You had shown me how wholly inefficient they were." The man's eyes lit up in realization, "I can make your job that much quicker. We know of a source for where these creatures dwell. We'll even pay you in advance, and the rest when you succeed."  
  
Akane came up behind Ranma, her pockets and backpack bulging, a sword sticking out her left breast through her back, "We're listening..."  
_____________________________________________________________________  
  
Death watched events from a rooftop, and smiled heartily. Things were just going all too well.   
  
He mused that Ranma had been a good little foot soldier, in removing the abominations that threatened the balance that needed to be maintained.   
  
Demon butchering could wait a little longer, the poor boy and his wife were just so overworked, and they surely needed a vacation. Never let it be said that the Grim Reaper was an unfair boss. 


	4. Issue #3 Vol #1 'Heading Back'

Ranma the Forever man  
Issue #3 Vol #1  
'Heading Back'  
  
  
Ranma and Akane stood on the hill overlooking the valley. The whole landscape was bare to all, as there was no natural life around. That made it much easier to see the beasties. It was obvious that they were residing there as their home, as the sea of demons got thicker towards a cave that rested in the middle of the small valley.  
  
"This is gonna be an all day job," Ranma grumbled.  
  
"They're gonna make me break a sweat," Akane whined, pulling out her favorite halberd with the fuzzy dice tied to the head.  
  
Ranma gave Akane a withering glance, "Not more than four hours ago, you were drenched with blood, and now you're worried about sweating?"  
  
Akane paused to consider that, "Hmm, I guess there isn't much of a difference." Then Akane bottom lip stuck out in pout, "I just took a bath though."  
  
Ranma truck a dramatic pose, signaling to Akane that 'that damn annoying paraphrase' was about to be spoken again, "The life of a immortal martial artist with an annoying ass spouse is fraught with peril."  
  
"I really wish you would just remember the person who you got that from, so I can find their grave and violate it," Akane said drolly.  
  
"Well, you remember the drill, right? If they happen to get a lucky shot, remember to gather any limbs you lose. It's a lot easier and a lot less time to reattach them than it is to grow them back."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I remember, Mr. Homegrown..."  
  
Ranma glared at Akane's smirk, "We said we wouldn't ever talk about that again."  
  
"Awww, I'm sorry," Akane said with carefully practice sincerity, took her the better part of four years to get that 'special' tone in her voice perfect, "How about a kiss for an apology?" The couple tilted their heads together, and drew into a sensual and lingering kiss. The husband and wife smiled warmly at each other.  
  
"Your lips are chapped," Ranma said affectionately  
  
"Your breath reeks," Akane said lovingly. It was one of their magical moments.  
  
Ranma removed his pack from wherever it was stored, and started a quick inventory.  
  
"Throwing Daggers, gun ammo, scissors, hard liquor, talcum powder..."  
*********************************************************************  
  
Me and Akane have our moments, like every couple, even I have to admit. Just because she cut my dick off once, doesn't mean that we aren't intimate with each other.   
  
Yeah, after the first dozen or so centuries we were together, we kinda got tired of each other, and she wanted a more 'open' relationship. I wasn't bitter in the least when she chose other men over me, I couldn't care less what the slut did with herself...  
*********************************************************************  
  
"...Squeaky toy, old martial arts scroll, jar full of pickled testicles, carving knife..."  
*********************************************************************  
  
...Nope, not bitter at all. Though after the fertility incident, my dear spouse left quite the liter behind. Fortunately, all the fucking rug rats are dirt napping now, though some of their legacies live on. The cult of the Lillian Brood has been going pretty strong for a couple millennia, and still makes an effort to be a pain in the ass every so often. I knew that little 'prophecy' Akane left them would be taken a bit too far. It's a damn nuisance when we cross them though, but easily put back in their place.  
  
A few of Akane's children, we even had restarted the lost tribe of the Chinese Amazons. What can I say? We're sentimental. Even gave them befitting names of toiletry supplies. Hey, it was funny at the time; they still hold 'Tampon' as a highly revered name. Every few centuries, they also come gunning for me, in order to free their 'Patron Mother' from the clutches of the evil Immortal Saotome. Guess stomping Akane's head into the ground in the middle of the village square wasn't one of my prime moments, but I was having a bad day.  
  
Anyhow, whenever they come around causing me no end of grief, I'm forced to give them spankings, and then gently chastise them... at blade point... into leaving me alone. After they stopped sniffling Akane would 'bless' them. Yeah, her tastes got a bit broader during the eons...  
***********************************************************************  
  
"...Sun dried ovaries on a string, flint, deodorant leaves..."  
***********************************************************************  
  
Can't complain though, Akane and them would put up one hell of a show. Hey, I'm immortal, not a eunuch.  
***********************************************************************  
  
"Uh, Ranma? We're demon butchering, not setting up camp," Akane quipped, getting impatient.  
  
"Oh, right, kinda lost in thought there," Ranma stated sheepishly. The eternal martial artist drew his sword, and cried "OLLY OLLY OXEN FREE!!!!"  
_______________________________________________________________________  
  
Ranma and Akane waded through the demon horde like thick sludge, particularly since that was all that was left of many of them, a gooey sludge.  
  
"This is getting kind of tedious," Akane stated evenly, spinning her halberd around her like a sociopathic fan out for a night on the town.  
  
"Well try to make a game of it, kill as many as you can in one minute, then try to beat that record!"  
  
"Sounds like a dumb game," stated Akane sullenly, deciding to switch to using a large pair of shears as a weapon for a little variety.  
  
"Well, don't say I didn't try," Ranma replied, "Hey, I know what will cheer you up!" Ranma suddenly sheathed his sword, and punched into the chest of the nearest creature, "Don't ever say I didn't do anything romantic for ya."  
  
Akane caught the still beating heart that Ranma tossed to her, "Aww, how sweet!" Akane took a bite out of it, and then quickly spit the piece out, "Eww, bitter."  
  
"You're not supposed to eat it," Ranma said, upset that his gift was now ruined, and he even took extra care not to damage it when he caved in the original owner's chest.  
  
"Well, what good is it then?" Akane was beating the demons now with a petrified tree branch she found lying on the ground.  
  
Ranma deflated a bit when his gesture of love to his wife was scorned, but then found his thoughts contemplating another matter, "They're guarding something..."  
  
"Well aren't you the bright one?" Akane mocked, making a wish with the legs of one demon.  
  
"Something's in that cave that they don't want us to see, possibly a hive."  
  
"Ooh, demon eggs! We eats tonight!" Akane cheered.  
  
"You seem hungry," Ranma noted, "Tell you what, we get back to the village, your treat."  
  
"Why you freeloading bum!" The raven-haired girl cried indignantly  
  
"Hey, you're the one with the loot!"  
  
"Only because your... what was that weird and hindering word again... honor won't allow you to desecrate the dead." Ranma didn't say anymore as they pushed through the swarm towards the center. He knew that the honor thing was just an excuse so he wouldn't have to do any of the work, Akane would always begrudgingly pay for everything, and couples shared their finances anyway.  
  
Finally making it to the mouth of the cave, legions of dark creatures formed a living wall; heavily intent on not letting them pass. Ranma had also decided that things were getting monotonous, nothing like excessiveness to take the fun out of thrashing monsters, and released an even bigger wall, made of ki.  
  
"After you, dear," Ranma bowed and swept his hand towards the bare entrance.  
  
"Why, such a gentleman, even for a worthless, impotent, animated corpse." Akane said with a genuine smile, and walked in. It took her a few seconds to note the spike sticking through her sternum from the front. Akane gave Ranma a glare, and received a shrug in turn.  
  
"I had my suspicions, thanks for confirming them. Guess we should be on guard for any more traps," Ranma said, with his own practiced innocence and naivety.  
  
"Bullshit," Akane grumbled, using her ki to form a dense barrier that caused the rest of the projectiles to bounce off harmlessly as they progressed forward. Ranma was getting irritated by the noise, and expanded his ki field to sweep to the cave walls, crushing the cowering demons that were launching them.  
  
Ranma's act seemed relatively harmless; unfortunately, taking out the natural pillars that were holding up prime parts of the ceiling wasn't an act of a gifted thinker.  
  
Akane growled in irritation, "Can't you do anything right? Now we're gonna have to dig our way out of here!"  
  
Ranma shrugged idly, "You could use the exercise, you're getting kinda pudgy anyhow."  
  
"Really? Are my breasts looking bigger?" Akane asked hopefully, as the rubble crashed down on top of them.  
  
The added weight from the ceiling falling caused the floor to collapse too, right down into some ancient ruins, and into a conveniently placed pool of swirling energy. Death was such a forward thinker. 


	5. Issue #4 Vol #1 'Be it ever so Humble......

Ranma the Forever Man  
Issue #4 Vol #1  
  
  
  
"FIRST!" Shouted a demon blood drenched Akane, pushing her way through the rubble faster than her husband.  
  
"That's not fair, I was buried deeper than you!" Ranma argued; he just hated to lose anything to his wife.  
  
Akane blinked and started sniffing the air, "Hey, I smell..." she started to sniff more, before her face brightened excitedly, "HOT WATER!!!!"  
  
"How in the world can you smell hot water?" Ranma enquired, finally pushing his way through the large hill of rocks, only to see his wife take off running down the street. Ranma finally noticed the surroundings, and wondered where on Earth were they now; the sky was a really weird color in this area...  
_____________________________________________________  
  
Akane ran into the room, filled with shallow pools of hot water, and scaring many of the other patrons there, who scurried out of the way of the wild young lady covered in purple paint or something. Only thing going through the girl's mind was the abundance of hot water (which was slightly perfume scented, which was kudos points in her favor), and how hard she was gonna have to scrub to remove the inhuman gore from her body, she really hated having to ruin her nice complexion by almost rubbing herself raw, but it was a necessary evil. Without stripping off her clothes, Akane dove head first into the largest pool of hot water she could find. Was it mentioned the pools were shallow?  
  
"Ouch..." Akane weakly exclaimed, her legs still sticking straight up into the air. One woman finally gathered the courage to approach the girl, and maybe help her before she drowned. Much to the woman's... well it wasn't so much 'relief' per say, the girl overturned herself, and spit out a mouthful of water.  
  
"Young lady, your behavior is quite..." the woman took a gulp before continuing, "unladylike. It's first proper to remove your clothing, and then you need to scrub yourself clean in the back rooms before entering here."  
  
Akane stared, a bit surprised at the nude woman who had approached her, "You're, I know what you're speaking... I used to speak it a lot," Akane shook her head to gather her thoughts, then attempted to speak in the woman's language, "Uh, scrub?"  
  
"Yes, scrub..." The woman realized the girl was obviously a foreigner, not aware of this country's customs. She could barely speak the language, poor dear.  
  
"Um, okay, I have to scrub in those rooms?" It was slowly coming back to Akane, like it was natural.  
  
"Yes, back there, maybe we can talk once you are clean, is this the first time you've been to our country?"  
  
"No..." Akane replied honestly, in her long life, she had been everywhere in the world, including to the bottom of several oceans for shits and grins. She just didn't remember visiting everywhere really.  
  
"Well, it's still fairly obvious that you need a bit of instruction on how to behave. Now off with you, I'll be waiting."  
  
Akane nodded to the lady, and stepped from the pool and headed to the back rooms, removing clothing as she went.  
  
"What a strange girl," the auburn haired woman, before a smile crossed her face, "She reminds me of 'Ranko'. My son pretended to be such a tomboy."  
  
The woman then looked down at the purple tinged water in disgust, deciding that she best move to another bath.  
_____________________________________________________  
  
Akane scrubbed herself thoroughly, trying to remove the gunk from her. That woman, she was speaking Japanese, she realized. No one had really spoken it for centuries, well after the Japanese islands sunk tens of centuries ago. If they were speaking Japanese, that meant either they had found an old Japanese civilization, or they were in the past. Akane had noted the sky's pretty blue hue, which meant it had to be the latter. If that was the case, that meant...  
  
Akane's eyes went wide with delight.  
_____________________________________________________  
  
"Yo, 'Kane, get your ass out here so we can get going!" Ranma cried out, unconcerned with the wide berth everyone was giving him, like they hadn't seen someone who's facade mimicked the Grim Reaper's himself, "Akane, we don't have all damn day!"  
  
"ICECREAMMMMMM!!!!!!" Ranma blinked and turned, just in time for a nude Akane covered in monster gore, to snatch onto his arm and race down the street.  
  
"Akane... are you speaking... Japanese?" Ranma asked guardedly. Akane gave no reply as she finally came upon what she was looking for. Akane threw Ranma through one of the plate glass windows, and hopped in giddily.  
  
Ranma rubbed his head, and gave a quick glare at Akane in agitation. Akane paid no attention to him as she made her order, "One of those, and oooh that looks pretty! Gimme two of those, and one of those, and that thingy with the red thingy on top, and one of those, uh..."  
  
"Hell on the Hips delight?" The store clerk supplied helpfully, the large smile never wavering from his face.  
  
"Hmm, will that make my tits bigger?" Akane asked, hefting her nude and healthy, yet moderately endowments for display, the store clerk nodded, still smiling.  
  
"Goody! One of those two, and, um, I guess that's all you have on this thingy here," Akane said, pointing to the menu in her hand.  
  
"Fourteen thousand, two hundred and seventy yen," the store clerk figured, Akane looked back, puzzled.  
  
At the mention of the name of ancient currency, Ranma realized something, a good blow to the head tended to shake the epiphanies loose, "We're in the past, aren't we?"  
  
"Is that money or something?" Akane asked with a pouty frown. The store clerk kept his smile and nodded.  
  
"Oh, okay," Akane said as her shoulders slumped downtrodden, "I don't have any 'yen'." Ranma dove just in time to redirect Akane's ki blast away from the store clerk's head. The scorched indenture in the wall just to his right formed a cute little smiley face. One could admire it for the few seconds before the wall collapsed.  
  
"Akane, you can't kill him!" Ranma chastised.  
  
"But I want ice cream!" Akane wailed.  
  
"Yeah, but we're in the past, and if you kill this guy, it may alter the course of history to where he or his children save the world or something from blowing up. And if we get back to our own time and find ourselves asphyxiating in space for eternity, I'm gonna kick your ass."  
  
"You know? You two seem like good kids, how about all of it, on the house," the store clerk said with an unwavering smile.  
  
"Really?" Akane asked gleefully, hopping up and down while bobbing her head side to side.  
  
"See, Akane? If you had killed him, he wouldn't have given all this to you for free, now say thank you to the nice man."  
  
"Thank you," Akane said bashfully. Ranma led Akane away to a table to wait for the order, passing by a table to remove the tablecloth that would allow his wife some modesty.  
  
The store clerk kept smiling, and doing an admirable job of keeping the twitch on the right side of his face under control.  
__________________________________________________  
  
"Hey, Mr. Tendou, Akane back yet?" A pigtailed boy asked, bounding down the stairs anxiously. It was the year anniversary of Ranma's arrival, and when he first saw Akane. Kasumi hid her smile, as well did Soun and Genma. The two had been growing much closer since the last wedding attempt, and after the Tendou Patriarch announced further plans of bewedding the two were to be put on hold until they recover from the last attempt, it was like a dam between the two had broken down. In an uncharacteristic bout of intuition, it was decided that the two youngsters would best be left to develop their relationship on their own (of course it may have had something to do with the 'apparent' klutz with the blade, Nodoka Saotome, 'accidentally' flinging the blade to land rather snugly in between her husband's thighs that provoked the decision, but that's not really necessary for the story).  
  
"Uh, she said she had a few things to return to a classmate. She'll be back soon enough." Soun turned fully towards Ranma, "Is there something special you have planned for today?"  
  
"Um, well, you see... its this... uh," Ranma hemmed and hawed, face slightly flushed.  
  
"Gee, Ranma, are you trying to say you've borrowed some cash so that you may take Akane out on a date?" Nabiki supplied with a slight smile. She could tell defiantly Ranma and Akane's feelings for each other; they were going to be together for a long time to come.  
  
"Yeah, uh, I... guess," Ranma replied quietly with a flush on his face, "I think I'll go look for Akane."  
_____________________________________________________  
  
"Satisfied?" Ranma asked, staring at his wife with unveiled contempt. Akane seemed oblivious, nodding her head in affirmation, while rubbing her tummy.  
  
"These clothes feel nice!" The seemingly young girl replied, looking at the burgundy silk blouse and tight black leggings she wore, "It was nice of that girl to donate them to me! They even hide the bloodstains! You would have never known she was a gusher." Akane finished with a bit of awe in her voice.  
  
"Uh, sure..." Ranma mumbled, not wanting to think of the events that allowed Akane to get her current wears.   
  
"Hey, she may be grateful one day! I did her a favor!" Akane stated, while smoothing her new shirt out, and not paying attention to where she was going.  
  
"OW! Hey, watch it!" Said a voice from the feet of Akane. Akane turned to reprimand the girl by stomping her head into street pizza, stopping to look at the floored girl curiously.  
  
"Hey, you look kind of familiar..."  
  
Ranma's eyes were wide, his mouth silently mumbling.  
***************************************************************************  
Please, oh dear Eternity no, not two of them. Anything but TWO of them.  
  
I really need a good, stiff drink 'bout now.  
*************************************************************************** 


	6. Issue #5 Vol #1 'Introducing the Happily...

Ranma the Forever Man  
Issue #6 Vol #1  
  
  
Ranma fell on his ass, attempting to stumble back from the horror before him. He's had this wet dream/nightmare a few times before, but at those times, he knew he was dreaming. The excessive headache that was building was a dead giveaway that he wasn't currently in Lalaland.  
  
The girl in the school uniform shot to her feet and took a stance, a look of horrified realization dawning on her, "Kiima..."  
  
"AND WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?" The burgundy clothed Akane growled into the other Akane's face. The younger girl didn't even see the girl move, and was extremely startled to find herself being hoisted up by her shirt one handed suddenly.  
  
"You're, your Kiima," the girl's face twisted into nervous concern, "Aren't you?"  
  
"Is that a some kind of derogatory term?" The slightly unhinged woman in a girl's body asked with narrowed eyes.  
  
"Uh, are you a doppelganger?" Akane asked, she didn't recall looking into the cursed mirror herself...  
  
"Doppelganger? Sounds kinky," The much older Akane bowed her head down in thought, mumbling to herself in order to gather her thoughts on when she had ever been doppelganged.  
  
When her double's eyes were directed from her, Akane saw her chance, "An opening!" The older Akane tilted her head in contemplation, causing the fist to slide right by it. Still not coming across any instance in at least recent memory of any doppelgang attempts, the older Akane brought her hand to her chin and rubbed it, her elbow blocking the blow and jamming the power of the younger Akane's kick aimed for her capture's ribs. The young girl then in a desperate attempt, decided to try something she had seen Ranma do, and brought her legs up in order to kick her feet against her double's chest. The other Akane twisted suddenly, jerking the other girl around before she could gain bearing.  
  
"Ranma, you remember any time I was doppelganged?"  
  
"What the Hell are you talking about?" the almost mummified man asked incredulously, finally shaken out of his stupor, "Dammit, why am I still seeing two of you?"  
  
"Two of you?" Both Akane's asked at once, and then turned to one another, blinking.  
  
"Yeah, there're two of you, and it's really freaking me out," Ranma stated irritably.  
  
"Oh! I understand now!!!" The older Akane stated happily, jumping up and down while shaking her younger self like a rag doll, "You're supposed to be me!" Suddenly the immortal woman frowned, "Noooooo, you can't be me!"  
  
"Huh? Why not?" Ranma asked.  
  
"She's too slow!"  
  
"No, that's you alright," Ranma said affirmatively.  
  
"Noooooooo, she can't possibly be me!"  
  
"She defiantly is you, can't you see the resemblance, you silly wench?" The younger Akane was steadily growing redder, unnoticed by either of the other two.  
  
"Naawwwwww.... really?"  
  
"YES, really!" Ranma was getting irritated as well.  
  
"Nuh uh! I was never that slow... was I?"  
  
"Proof's right before ya."  
  
Finally, the combination of being humiliated in battle, being manhandled, and being called slow brought the younger girl's infamous temper to the fore, "YOU JERKS!"  
  
Both Akane's blinked, one from wondering where the other Akane disappeared, and the other one staring at the wooden mallet. The immortal Akane was holding the mallet's wielder suspended now by the ties in the back of her jumper, instead of the collar, after evading the blow.  
  
"That was sooooooo cool!" The Immortal Akane said in awe. She idly tossed her younger self aside, and contemplated for a few seconds. Suddenly she turned towards her husband in a heavy swing of a mallet that she had taken artistic license with, a nice dark crimson sledgehammer with a metallic sheen, and cute little black skulls and yellow dandelions decorating the head.  
  
"DAMMIT AKANE!!!" Ranma shouted, pulling his face from the four inch indenture it created on impact, "you know how long this is gonna take to heal!"  
  
"Oh, please, it's just a flesh wound, you big baby," the Older Akane said, disgustedly.  
  
"Well, the bone IS poking through the flesh..." Ranma said acidly, tenderly feeling the top of his skull, looking for the best place to start sliding the misaligned bone back into place.  
  
"You know your head is harder than that," Ranma's wife said, rolling her eyes  
  
"You just put a fucking huge-headed sledgehammer through my skull," Ranma sneered, wincing at each cranial readjustment he made.  
  
The younger Akane sat on her rump, staring at the mallet in awe, "It's... beautiful."  
  
"You think so? Maybe I should add a yellow smiley face to the front, give it more personality."  
  
"Well, I think you should make it a large black skull, keep it uniform," the younger Akane suggested.  
  
"Hmm, na, too morbid," the other Akane mused, "I know! I'll put pretty yellow flower pedals around the skull!"  
  
"Hey, that would be perfect!" the young Akane said cheerfully. Ranma was still trying to get his head together.  
  
The immortal woman suddenly recalled something, "Hey, do you have a writing thingy, um or something?"  
  
"Uh, I have a marker," the non-time displaced Akane said, handing the writing utensil to her double.  
  
"Hey, thanks!" The older Akane turned away and started writing on the back of her fingers, pleased she remembered how to write in Japanese. Finally, she finished and turned back to the other girl, "Can you read this?"  
  
Akane leaned forward to read what was on the girl's fist, irritated by her sloppy and barely legible handwriting, and having to lean forward to follow the fist as it was being pulled back, but she managed to read it...  
  
"'This.... is... reallllllllllly going to... hurt'? What is that supposed to..."  
  
*WHAM*  
  
"See! She can't be me!" the time-displaced woman said, happy with her proof, "I telegraphed that, and she was still too slow to avoid it!"  
  
"Sorry, but that is you, get over it," Ranma said, pleased that he finished his impromptu corrective bone surgery. He looked up at the two Akanes, and ended up focusing on what was behind them.  
**********************************************************  
  
Yeah, like I didn't see this coming. Wherever Akane was, I wasn't gonna be far behind, usually. And lo' and behold, a younger version of me was standing on the other side of my wife and her younger double, mad as all fury and spitt'n tent spikes. I knew that this was gonna be a problem. So I decided I needed to stop this as calmly and gently as possible.  
  
"Ranma, just calm down, this is not as bad as it looks," Yeah, I'm a real diplomat, my words took the fight outta him real quick like, in fact he had a pretty peaceful look on his face. That comes from knowing how to deal with myself, albeit millennia or several dozen removed. Know others before you know thy self, as the saying goes.  
***********************************************************  
  
"Ranma, just calm down, this is not as bad as it looks," the immortal Ranma stated, his fist still extended in a calming and non-threatening gesture. The other Ranma groaned, and slumped from the spider web indenture he created in the wall behind him.  
  
"That's you?" The older Akane said in awe, "You looked soooo damn cute!" Akane turned with a curt look towards her husband, "What the Hell happened to you?" Ranma gave his wife a dark glare.  
  
"Too long of an embittered matrimony to your silly ass."  
  
Akane ignored him, and went back to fussing over the younger version of herself, "Oh, your nose is bleeding all over your white shirt! That's never going to come out!"  
____________________________________________________________  
  
  
  
"So, you and him claim to be immortal, and from eons into the future," Nabiki enquired. Out of Gods and Ghost Cats and Overgrown Phoenixes and curses... this took the prize. She was extremely concerned for the fact that she believed it.  
  
Ranma nodded in affirmation, taking a swig of his hot tea like it was a refreshing shot of something harder. His wife elbowed him in the ribs, hard enough to hear something satisfyingly crack.  
  
"Uncouth pig, just sip it!" the elder Akane said harshly, embarrassed for her husband's manners. Ranma grunted, and started to take sips instead, even remembering to stick his pinky out.  
  
Akane backhanded her husband this time, causing him to spit the contents of his mouth all over Genma, "You moron, that's a western tradition!" Ranma grunted a bit more irritably this time, but pulled his pinky back in.  
  
Both Genma and Soun were blissfully happy beyond words. Their schools were united, and survived longer than they even could imagine, possibly longer than any martial art school that had been in existence. The two fathers were silent with overwhelming joy over the obviously happy marriage between their two heirs, tears streaming down the face, though it was hard to tell with the tea running down Genma's face.  
  
"And how did you happen to come across immortality?" Nabiki asked; this would probably be the golden opportunity of a lifetime.  
  
"Sheer, unfortunate luck," Ranma grumbled, the immortal Akane nodded cheerfully.  
  
"It was all this dumb bastard's fault!"  
  
"Shove it, bitch."  
  
"Corpse."  
  
"Flatsy."  
  
"Homegrown."  
  
"THAT'S IT!" Ranma dove onto his wife, who rolled with it and flipped her husband through the wall and out to the back yard. As soon as Ranma landed, Akane was upon him, each trading blows faster than even the two fathers could follow.  
  
"Look at them, Saotome, they truly have become far beyond grandmasters of the art!" Soun said, extremely impressed.  
  
"Indeed Tendou," Genma beamed with pride, "They made a fine couple for the Saotome line."  
  
"I'm sure they would, but I am positive they took the Tendou name," Soun said, firmly.  
  
"Now, now, you know they would be under the Saotome name, through and through."  
  
"I'm sorry, old friend, but they are most assuredly Tendous."  
  
"No they're not, they're Saotomes!"  
  
"They're Tendous!" Soun got in Genma's face, daring him to argue further.  
  
"Saotomes!"  
  
"HARLET!" Ranma cried out while playfully attempting to beat the hell out of his wife.  
  
"FUCK FACE!" Akane replied with all the positive and edearing emotion she could muster.  
  
"Oh, please, you two. Why don't you ask them?" Nabiki asked, growing annoyed by the childish bickering of the two men, before turning to shout to the dueling couple, "Hey, which family name did you guys take?"  
  
Both stopped their battle, Ranma's hands on each side of Akane's head, with his thumbs ready to pry into his wife's eye sockets while hanging over his wife. Akane was on her back with her foot braced against Ranma's abdomen, and had her index finger hooked on her right hand and ready to plunge into her husband's neck; intending to snag and tear his throat out.  
  
"Huh?" Ranma replied dumbly, "We kinda forgot our family names?" Soun and Genma face faulted.  
  
"Let's see," Akane mused for a moment, "I'm called Akane the Blood lady, Akane the child eater, The kicker of old ladies, Stan, though I think they just mistranslated old texts for that last one, Scarlet, and... um.. that's all I can remember, would those work as family names?"  
  
"The White Demon, Stan's Little Helper, Damn I hate that one, the Waking Nightmare, that one is from everyone who has been thoroughly introduced to my lovely wife here," Akane blushed at the compliment.  
  
"You are such a sweet talker."  
  
The younger Akane would have gagged, if it didn't run the risk of drowning in the blood flowing from her nose. Ranma was currently unconscious up in the guestroom.  
  
"I have returned," stated an elegant and mature voice from the front door. Nodoka walked in and saw the two Akane and the zombified man, "I see we have guests."  
  
"Hello again!" the immortal Akane said cheerfully. 


	7. Issue #6 Vol #1 'That Beautiful Silver L...

Ranma the Forever Man  
Issue #6 Vol #1  
  
  
"And that's when I finished my crusade to kill everyone in Canada with the name of 'George'," Akane said cheerfully, "Didn't find out until a few years later that it was just a big misunderstanding. Boy, was my face red!"  
  
"I.... see," Nodoka replied slowly, as to not accidentally startle the immortal woman. The whole family was taking an effort not to make any sudden moves, like bolting for the door and screaming for their lives. Nodoka was sitting on the opposite side of the table from the future Akane and her husband, when originally she was sitting between them. She did it without anyone noticing too, of course that could have been due to the fact that everyone that was not temporally misplaced had aped the same process.  
  
"Hmm, this tea stuff is pretty good!" Akane chirped, then raised her cup upside down to look at the bottom of it, then said with a pout, "But I'm out."  
  
Everyone who resided in the Tendou home at the moment picked up on her irritation, and managed to produce a steaming kettle of Kasumi's best tea from nowhere.  
  
"Uh, heh heh, it's best we do not upset our guests," Soun said graciously, having difficulty trying to pour it carefully.  
  
"I want Kasumi to pour it," Akane whined, suddenly shifting her cup to her once older sister. Kasumi jumped when the cup was directed towards her, and with only a slightly more steady hand than her father's.  
  
The immortal Ranma was getting tired of tea, "Anything else you got instead of this weak shit?"  
  
"We have some turpentine in the shed," Nabiki supplied a bit too hopefully.  
  
Ranma thought a bit about that, "Na, not before a full meal."  
  
"Ohhhh! It's almost dinnertime! I wanna cook!" the immortal woman chirped. Everyone baulked at that. The girl was quite obviously insane, and if she had their Akane's cooking skills...  
  
"Oh, no, nonononono! I think it's best if I handled dinner, really!" Kasumi interjected, real quick like.  
  
The older Akane gave her sister a hard stare, "You think I can't cook or something?"  
  
For the first time anyone had known her, Kasumi sweated, "Well, um, you see, its.. well... its... um.. its..." suddenly, Kasumi started weeping, succumbing to a nervous breakdown.  
  
"Now see what you did?" Akane's husband reprimanded, "You made her cry! She's one of the kindest souls you can come across, and you had to upset her!"  
  
Ranma lifted his foot from the back of Akane's head, so she could pull her face out from the floor it was imbedded and apologize, "I'm sorry. Well, I'll make her the best meal she had ever had, by golly! Hee hee, I heard somebody on the way here say that, and she won't be so upset!"  
  
Akane, the Eater of Children, stood up with firm resolve and a cheery disposition, "So, where do you keep your knives?"  
______________________________________________________  
  
"Here you go!" Akane said happily to her captive hosts, setting her creation down for everyone to marvel at it.  
  
"Oh! My favorite!" The immortal Ranma exclaimed giddily, "Brown lumps with gray sauce!" Ranma then paused, "Uh, Akane, where did you get the makings for the gray sauce?"  
  
"I improvised," his wife said casually.   
  
"That's one Hell of an improvision," Ranma mused. Everyone was just dying to dig in now.  
  
Everyone watched as the cook's husband fiddled with the chopsticks, trying to remember how to use them. Finally after gaining his recollection, he scooped up a portion, not paying attention to everyone else who was in awe of what sounded like the screams of over a dozen unfortunate souls that were added to the meal like so many peppercorns.  
  
The whole household looked on expectantly, as the immortal Ranma munched, rather harshly, on a lump. The screams he was emitting from his mouth were horrendous and soul quaking, and none of them were his.  
  
"Hey, what's that funny taste?" Ranma asked guardedly, poking at another lump, indulging in the moans of the damned. Everyone was morbidly fascinated with the fact that the screams changed pitch musically whenever he poked a different spot.  
  
"It's vinegar!" Akane said, proud of her culinary skill, "It smelled edible, so I added some."  
  
"Uh, was that the vinegar bottle with the milky green liquid in it?" Nabiki asked guardedly.  
  
"Not sure what milky means, but it was green," Akane mused. Nabiki immediately covered her mouth, and made a mad dash for the bathroom, followed closely by Kasumi and Nodoka.  
  
"They pregnant?" Akane, the kicker of old women, asked, concerned. Ranma scooped up another lump, and added it to his bowl of rice.  
  
The younger Akane gathered enough courage to gather a scoop, and with a deep breath, and brought the rather vocal piece of food to her mouth. She couldn't be THAT bad a cook, really, she had thousands of years of practice, after all. Surely she had gotten better. She steeled herself and ignored the agonizing screams from between her chopsticks.  
  
"Eat up!" the older Akane urged, "It'll put hair on your chest." The younger Akane stopped right before it got to her lips.  
  
"I'm kidding," The immortal Akane said with a playful smile. Akane took a breath again and started it into her mouth.  
  
"Mostly..." the older Akane mumbled, the younger one stopped too late, as it was sitting now on her tongue. Her panic was quelled, once she tasted it. Slowly the younger version started chewing.  
  
"Hey, this is pretty good..."  
  
"Indeed it is," the immortal Ranma commented, "She came up with this recipe when we were in the valley of the unbleached bones. The place was just laden with nutritious value."  
  
"Welp, I'm stuffed!" The younger Ranma exclaimed suddenly, patting his stomach, "I think I'll go to bed early now!"  
  
"No, really, Ranma, this is actually pretty good," they non-immortal Akane proclaimed, scooping up another helping and passing it to her fiancée. Ranma staggered back and fell on his ass, and then quickly scrambled to standing and dashed upstairs.  
  
"I didn't realize I was so strange," the remaining Ranma mused, idly stuffing another bite into his mouth. Soun and Genma stared at the meal; frozen like statues, while two sisters and a mother were busy making offerings to the Porcelain Goddess.  
___________________________________________________  
  
A ragged looking Nabiki attempted a smirk, but it's effect was lost in her pale lips and red rimmed eyes, "Better you than me, sis."  
  
"But, but..." Akane found no way to argue against it. It was 'her' after all, so there was no reason she shouldn't have her future version sleep in her room for the night.  
  
Not too soon after, she found her future counterpart running through her door, and leaping on to the bed, "MY bed!"  
  
"Hey!" the younger one squawked indignantly, "That's MY bed!"  
  
"Well, it was my bed first!" the older Akane said with a superior heir.  
  
"And how do you figure?" the other one countered.  
  
"Well, I'm from the future, and I'm in the past now, and I'm older, so I had the bed longer, so it was my bed first!"  
  
"That doesn't make any sense! Just because you're a trillion years or something from the future..." Akane's voice caught at the look her older counterpart was giving her.  
  
"Are you calling me an old hag?"  
  
"What? NO! I mean you're just from far into the future and..." Akane stopped talking, coming to an awed realization, the feeling her own fiancée gets after realizing he just attempted to swallow his foot. It was a nice feeling, like a calm realization that settles over you, the realization that you're about to die, and you're now okay with it. The younger Akane's face slipped into a wistful smile, as her glowing counterpart approached her like a walking nightmare.  
  
"Akane, you're not terrorizing yourself, are you?" The Ranma from the future asked, sticking his head in the door. Immediately his wife's vengeful ire was curbed.  
  
"Uh, no, just girl talk," his wife said cheerfully.  
  
"Uh huh, and that wasn't an incredibly immense battle aura I was feeling down the hall, was it?" Ranma asked skeptically.  
  
"You're just imagining things," Akane, the second Lillith, replied with an irritated snort, suddenly she found herself in contemplation, "Hey, if I kill her, would that be suicide?"  
  
"Well, yeah," Ranma replied, curious to the question.  
  
"Then... I can finally die?" The older Akane was getting a rather unhealthy gleam in her eye, unhealthy for her past self that is.  
  
"Well, remember I resurrected you from death, so I don't think that would really work," the slightly dead looking man mused, "but on the other hand...."  
  
Both Akanes wondered at the sudden smile he developed, "Now where is that mischievous rascal of an alternate version of myself? I don't think we've gotten to talk much." Whistling a random tune, the immortal Ranma decided to pay his younger him a visit, unsheathing his sword and hiding it behind his back as he approached the guestroom.  
****************************************************************  
Oh, this is too beautiful, this is just wayyyyy to fucking beautiful.I just found the reason for my little jaunt into the past, and I didn't even realize it was my Birthday.  
****************************************************************  
"Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday dear Ranma..."  
____________________________________________________  
A teenaged Ranma didn't even ask for a reason, he just decided to take his danger sense up on the idea of a nightly constitutional, at a nice, brisk pace... farrrr farrrrrrrr off into the distance.  
____________________________________________________  
  
Each Akane sat there blinking for about a minute, before the older one spoke up, "So... what's your pain threshold?"  
  
The younger Akane started to slowly edge for the door. 


	8. Issue #7 Vol #1 'Ranma vs Nerima... and ...

Ranma the Forever Man  
Issue #7 Vol #1  
  
So, here I am, in the dead of the night, away from a good few winks, all because my younger self is selfish. If he could only conceive the pain we'd be going through, he would gladly stick his neck out. That's just the kind of guy I, er, we are, always willing to help those out of strife. I think I was like that when I was him, I guess that's my problem, I'm not thinking like my counterpart.  
  
So I got to thinking, if I was on the run for my life, where would I hide? Hmm, somewhere unpredictable, possibly impossibly cramped to throw off anyone looking for me. As close as I'm following behind myself, I'd probably stay to the rooftops. It would be somewhere in the spur of the moment....  
  
...LIKE THIS CHIMNEY HERE!!!!!!  
****************************************************************  
The Forever Man made four lightning fast slashes through the chimney, seeming not to disturb the brick. The immortal waited a few seconds, then huffed.  
****************************************************************  
  
Okay, I guess I have to put a bit more thought into this 'put myself in his shoes' line of thinking. Ah well, I'm going to bed. I've lived eons; I guess I can wait a few more hours before killing myself.  
****************************************************************  
  
The immortal started back to the Tendou household, intent on a good night's rest, fortunately for the human contortionist known as Ranma Saotome, who was hiding in a quinsegmented chimney, sweating profusely. At least he was getting a bit of a draft, what with four ties from his shirt having been slashed off.  
______________________________________________  
  
"Oh! That felt great!" The immortal Ranma exclaimed, stretching himself out on the dojo floor. He then noticed that his wife hadn't been down to bother him. No wonder he slept so well. Unfortunately, his life wouldn't be complete without at least seeing his wife's beautiful face in the morning.  
  
Ranma approached the door with the ducky on it and knocked, "Hey, Agony-of-my-eye, good morning!"  
  
The door opened, and what he assumed was his wife poked her head out, "Yes, darling?"  
  
Ranma raised a scarcely haired eyebrow at his wife's appearance, "You feeling okay?"  
  
"Uh, yeah!" Akane, the Drinker of stagnant Blood, chirped, her face becoming a bit more flushed at her husband's concern, "I've just been... um, masturbating! Yeah!"  
  
"Oh," Ranma replied, before beginning to leer at his wife, "Need any help with that?"  
  
"I don't think she's ready for that yet," Akane, the Cheerful flesh consumer, mumbled under her breath.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"Uh, nothing dear, I'll manage by myself, see you at breakfast!" With that, Akane, the Scarlet carrion Queen, slammed the door. Before Ranma walked away, he remembered something, and knocked on the door again. His wife opened the door again with a slightly irritated look on her flushed face.  
  
"I almost forgot, you seen the other Akane around? I wanted to ask her where my younger self would hide."  
  
"I'll let her know you're looking for her next time I see her," Akane, the Pigeon Master, said curtly, before slamming the door again. Ranma blinked at his wife's attitude, she was usually such a cheerful morning person.   
  
He decided to go downstairs and score some grub, causing him to miss his wife's outburst. "If you don't stop thrashing around like that, we'll never get it all the way in."  
____________________________________________  
  
Kasumi held the serving tray with what was left of 'dinner' at arm's length, trying to decide if she wanted to risk her garbage disposal unit, or spend funds to contact a HAZMAT crew. Someone helped her come to a decision.  
  
"Hey! Leftovers!" Ranma stated happily, taking one of the brown lumps with congealed (well, technically not congealed... per say), and popping it into his mouth. Instead of the blood curdling screams it emitted the previous night, it now gave more of blood curdling moans, "That's the thing about Akane's meals, they keep well for camping."  
  
At the sight of the immortal man, Kasumi quickly twisted the lid off a prescription pill bottle and popped two sizable pills into her mouth. Almost instantly the smile on her face got wider, and Ranma could feel the aura of obliviousness grow, "Good morning Ranma, did you sleep well?"  
  
"Like the dead," the not dead man replied back, after finishing his bite, "Say, have you seen the other Ranma around? I've been looking for him."  
  
"Oh my, he was looking for you too as well," Kasumi said cheerfully, "In fact there he is now!" The immortal man followed Kasumi's gaze to the back yard, where they both saw the younger Ranma trying to sneak off. The pigtailed boy emitted an 'eep', and then made a break for it and leapt over the wall.  
  
"Wait, Ranma! I got something realllllly funny to show you!" The boy's future counterpart took off after his younger version.  
____________________________________________  
  
The older Ranma decided that chasing himself around was rather amusing, and decided to drag it out a bit, "Hey, Ranma, don't run, I want to be your friend!" The prey ignored the predator, and turned into an alley. The immortal man followed closely, and found the boy had disappeared. The ancient man growled in frustration.  
*************************************************************  
  
All right, I was rather enjoying myself, before the little bastard gave me the slip. For some funny reason, I'm having a hard time 'feeling' where he is, probably since we have such similar ki signatures, be kinda like trying to smell my own scent. I know he's hiding around here somewhere, but I wasn't in the mood to go dumpster diving, all that gunk and would work havoc on my skin. I was pretty stuck for a way to lure him out, before inspiration struck me.  
*************************************************************  
  
"Marco!"  
  
"Polo!" cried one of the dumpsters.  
*************************************************************  
  
Okay, I deserve to die for that one. I mean, we aren't even in water!  
*************************************************************  
  
"Excuse me, could you tell me where the Unryuu Farm is?"  
  
"How many times do I gotta tell ya? It's back THAT way!" Cried the old lady, irritated by the bandanna-clad boy.  
  
"Oh, sorry to bother you again," Ryoga replied, though he was rather irritated that the woman kept giving him bad directions and following him around, he figured eventually she would tell him the right way so he could get on with his life. As he walked down the familiar streets, he spotted his old friend and rival running in his direction.  
  
"Hello Ranma, how is Akane doing?" Ryoga blinked at the near unintelligible shout his pigtailed rival gave out. Ranma.... couldn't have been asking for help, could he? Ryoga contemplated what Ranma could have REALLY been saying, missing the slightly decrepit looking man run by him. Not Ranma, he could never ask for help, he was just way too stubborn, what it really sounded like he said was...  
  
Ryoga's battle aura grew, "YOU MADE AKANE DO *WHAT* WITH A COW?!?" Ryoga brought forth his combat umbrella, "I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!!!!" The fanged boy took off in the direction he perceived Ranma to have run, which unfortunately for Ranma, happened to be the right direction.  
___________________________________________  
  
Ranma ran into the restaurant, and dove under a table, much to Shampoo and Cologne's befuddlement. Shampoo decided that whatever had startled Ranma, had to do with Akane. And deciding that any excuse would do, Shampoo decided to make Akane pay for scaring her beloved.  
  
Before Cologne could stop her, Shampoo was out the restaurant, aura blazing with fury. The matriarch sighed, and was about to check up on her Son-in-law, before a brilliantly powerful, yet remarkably familiar aura caught her attention.  
  
"Alright, I saw him run into here!" A man with the appearance of death warmed over stated from the doorway, scanning the restaurant.  
  
"Can I help you?" Cologne asked, attempting to discover what this man's qualm was with the pigtailed boy.  
  
"Yeah, you can hold him down while I cut his head off, I was certainly a slippery one," the man stated, still looking closely for the boy.  
  
Cologne blinked at this, "What is it you have against Son-in-law?"  
  
"Huh? Oh, nothing personal, I just wanna kill him dead," The man said honestly without any guile.  
  
Cologne sighed, as she hopped off her staff and brought it to bear, "I'm afraid I cannot allow you to do so."  
  
"What? You gonna stop me?"   
  
Cologne's answer was to strike, and was highly surprised to find her attack missed, and that the world was now upside down. After a quick deduction, and having to push her robe from out of her face, she realized she was the one upside down, being held aloft by a leg. The decrepit man was face to face with the upside down old lady; his eyes narrowed in suspicion; peering closely into the Elder's owl-like eyes.  
  
"He's in here, isn't he?" The immortal man asked it in more of a statement than a question. Not really too concerned with getting a reply, he dropped the matriarch, and shouted.  
  
"Marco!"  
  
"Ha! I ain't gonna fall for that one twice!" One of the tables shouted. Again the younger Ranma 'eeped', and ran out the back.  
  
The older Ranma was interrupted by a few yards of chain crossing his path.  
  
"How DARE you manhandle Shampoo that way! Ranma!" A longhaired boy in white robes cried out, his hands in his sleeves in preparation to launch a barrage of weaponry. Neither Cologne nor Mousse saw the boy move across the room (though Mousse couldn't see much of anything anyway), and put his arm around Mousse's neck in a buddy-like gesture.  
  
"You upset at Ranma about something?"  
  
"Huh?" Mousse replied intelligently.  
  
"I can tell you're a guy with a grudge, am I right?"  
  
"Well, um...." Mousse didn't really have a grudge against Ranma anymore, after realizing he didn't really want Shampoo in the romantic sense.  
  
"How would you like to help me to sanction him?"  
  
Mousse's face went grim, "Kill... Ranma?" Maybe before when he had first found out about the pigtailed boy, he held such thoughts, but now...  
  
He remembered when Herb came to town, and he and Ryoga locked themselves with the locking ladle in their cursed forms. Ranma had fought for their chance to become men again, before helping himself. He also knew now that Ranma was hopelessly infatuated with Akane, and that his love, Shampoo, had no chance with him now. After many other instances, Mousse realized, he considered Ranma now a comrade, a... friend. Only one decision could be made.  
  
Mousse went into a stance, bearing dual scimitars before voicing his answer. "Boy... do I EVER!!!" Mousse said cheerfully; a goofy grin plastered all over his face. he and Ranma weren't very close friends.  
  
Both fighters took off after Ranma, leaving Cologne with a dilemma. Son-in-law was surely in more danger than he comprehended. He would need all the help he could get. With an iron determination on her face, Cologne acted on her decision.  
  
"These noodles won't boil themselves, you know?" She said idly to herself, stirring the pot of ramen.  
  
A wise decision indeed.  
______________________________________________________  
  
"See? That wasn't so bad, was it?" Akane, she who devours men's genitalia and thoroughly enjoys it, stated with a cheer in her voice. Her younger counterpart didn't reply, choosing to lay nude and stare, pupils undulating, up at the ceiling.  
  
"Well, they'll probably start wondering what we've been doing all morning, so you better get dressed too. Ooh, this looks nice!" the immortal woman said, pulling a sundress out from the younger's wardrobe. Akane didn't vocally reply, just allowed her lips to turn blue.  
  
Finally Akane, the Ravenous Feather Duster of Decay, noted her younger's inactivity. She straddled the immobile girl, and started to lightly slap her in the face, "Oh dear, she's going into shock.." Maybe she could warm her up with another 'masturbating' session, that's 'technically' what it was, after all.  
  
Before she could rectify that problem, a purple-headed blur crashed through Akane's window, "SHAMPOO KILL!!!!"  
  
The Immortal version of Akane finally noticed the girl who was now struggling for breath under her foot, when did she get there?  
  
"Wow, you have such pretty hair," Akane, stated. 


	9. Issue #8 Vol #1 'Open Season on Saotome'

Ranma the Forever Man  
Issue #8 Vol #1  
  
  
"So you see, Akane suffers from an unjustified inferiority complex that had just compiled more and more over the years. If only her friends and family would show her the love and care she needed, she would be a much healthier citizen of society. Don't you think?" Akane, the Patron Saint of Sadism, enquired to Shampoo, as she slowly stroked the girl's purple hair as her head lay in the immortal woman's lap.  
  
"Shampoo... understand." Shampoo most assuredly did not understand, but was really too afraid to disagree with the scarier Akane that had her pinned down as she lovingly pet her hair. Shampoo would have been enjoying it, it was a soothing feeling, but something about the sense of underlying malice the woman was giving off unwittingly made her a bit tense.  
  
"You need to relax, you're way too tense," Akane, the Mother of the Void, cooed softly, in order to relieve the girl somewhat, "I think I can break Akane out of it though, She just needs to know that she can be confident about her self, like me! But it's going to be up to you, as her friend I mean, to make sure she continues to recover. I have your promise on that, right?"  
  
Shampoo squeaked in slight terror, which Akane took as an affirmative.  
  
"I'm so glad I had friends like you, I don't know what turns my life would had taken without you by my side... um... what was your name again?"  
  
"Name Sh-Shampoo," the girl would have cursed herself for stuttering, but she rationalized that it was a quite justified fear.  
  
"Yes, how could I forget my best friend, Shampoo? My buddy, my confidant. You don't know how lucky you are, Akane."  
  
The Akane of that era stared, catatonic, at the ceiling, at least the color was returning to her face. Akane, the Forty-Second Plague, wondered if she should wrap her younger self in more blankets, "Too bad you came too late, we had quite a party in here." From the heavy scent in the room, Shampoo reckoned she should have been much more fashionably late, at least until it aired out.  
  
"I bet I had a lot of friends like you. You said you're Chinese?" Shampoo squeaked again, startled that she was once again addressed, "I've been to China, I killed a lot of people in the western area..." the immortal woman's face twisted in thought, "I can't remember the reason though, it was just so long ago. Oh well it'll come back to me eventually."  
  
Akane's hand left hand held firmly onto Shampoo's stomach, while her right hand carefully caressed Shampoo's lavender tresses. "You're hair's so soft," Akane, the Collector Scalps, said tenderly.  
  
Shampoo whimpered.  
___________________________________  
  
Oooh yeah, I hadn't had this much fun in ages!" The Forever Man bellowed cheerfully, before blowing on his hunting trumpet. Ryoga, Mousse, and Kuno would have taken offense, but they were to busy biting and thrashing like rapid dobermans on the scent of a rabbit.  
  
The Younger Ranma wasn't having a very good day, finding that being hunted by your future counterpart wasn't the most fulfilling experience. Everywhere he turned, and assumed he had escaped, he found his future self heading him off in another direction, and in the direction he would head, one of his three rivals would be heading straight for him Not that they would have been a problem, it was just the fact that they all seemed to be a little bit more hostile than usual. He'd have to put them back in their place... once they stopped frothing at the mouth.  
  
Ranma turned back around to see his older self, running alongside Ryoga, and whispering something in his ear.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ABOUT MY SWEET OLD GRANDMOTHER! RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!" Ranma picked up speed, in order to compensate for the added velocity the fanged boy suddenly gained.  
  
"SAOTOME! Even the creatures of Hell and fellow brethren turn against your evil! You cannot escape the justice of Heaven, AND Hell! I, the White Rage of Furinkan High, shall fell you low!" Kuno was running straight for Ranma from the opposite direction, waving two swords (he was once again in his Musashi phase, it passes every so often) with a bit less technique than usual.  
  
"Suck it, you twig waving faerie boy!" Ranma's voice sounded a bit raspy.  
  
"YOU DARE MOCK ME?!? SEMPUUKEN!" The pigtailed boy was forced to turn in another direction from the Wind Sword technique. Now Ranma was concerned; Kuno could only use that attack when he was feeling overly smug, or insanely vengeful.  
  
The immortal Ranma guffawed while still in the chase. Ventriloquism is a short hobby of the Forever Man's.  
___________________________________________  
  
"So, um..." Akane continued to stroke the now relaxed girl's hair tenderly.  
  
"Name Shampoo," The girl in question replied, a bit more relaxed. She realized that this Akane was actually pretty harmless at the moment, kind of like a contented tiger that had been overstuffed from its last meal. As long as you didn't irritate it, it could be pretty tame and friendly.  
  
"Shampoo..." Akane, the Keeper of Shucks, said, as if testing the word on her tongue, "Shampoo, what brings you by today?"  
  
"Uh..." think, Shampoo, think. You can't exactly tell her that you came to kill her younger self, that would just be bad form, "I come see airen."  
  
"Airen?" Akane's face scrunched up cutely, "doesn't that mean 'darling' or something? Isn't Mr. Tendou a bit too old for you?"  
  
"Oh, no! Airen Ranma!" Shampoo said happily, her world becoming a pink haze of provocatively dancing Ranmas wearing only thong underwear.  
  
"Oh?" Akane's hand stopped petting Shampoo's hair.  
  
"Yes, Airen Ranma, and he love Shampoo very much!"  
  
"And what makes you so sure of that?" Akane, the Dead Wind, said with a slight chill in her voice.  
  
"Shampoo know! And soon Shampoo bludgeon airen and bring him back to village and parade in front of single friends and have lots of sex," Shampoo blissfully stated; the part of her brain known as 'lust' loudly proclaiming her true love, while it's good neighbor named 'Common Sense', made the calmed suggestion, "SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU SILLY BITCH!!!!!"  
  
Eventually the battle aura that Akane, the Reaper of Souls, was emitting would make itself known to Shampoo.  
_____________________________________________________  
  
"Ranma, THIS WAY HURRY!" A helpful voice that ran along Ranma's side called out.  
  
"Hey, thanks!" Ranma cried, turning in the direction that was suggested. The Forever Man quit pointing, and fell laughing. Then he laughed harder at the indignant scream that his younger self was emitting at being triple-teamed. He decided that he liked this group, and would have to buy them a round of drinks, if it weren't for the fact that;  
  
A) He was flat broke,  
B) They were all under aged, and  
c) He expected to blink out of existence once this was all over.  
______________________________________________________  
  
Cologne looked up from her cooking just in time to see her Great-Granddaughter sprint in mortal terror through the restaurant. She then blinked when Akane, manifesting a battle aura bigger than she had ever seen... ever... was running behind Shampoo with a rather elaborate looking straight sword with an ebony blade.  
  
The sight of her heir in mortal danger prompted the Amazon Elder into action.  
  
"Hmm, now where did I put that ginger?"  
______________________________________________________  
  
Ranma looked down at his torn clothes; Ryoga, Kuno, and Mousse were feeling exceptionally frisky today. He figured he was safe for now; his pursuers didn't seem to know where he was.  
  
"Ranma! You're being extremely inconsiderate! Some of use have other things we need to do, so just come out into the open and die, so we can get on with the rest of our lives!" Mousse shouted in the distance. Ranma wasn't feeling particularly obligating at the moment.  
  
"Ranchan? What are you doing up on my roof?" Ranma turned with a wide-eyed look, and then became extremely animated as he tried to make shushing signals towards Ukyo.  
  
"Oh, thanks, Ukyo, we've been looking all over for him," Mousse said gratefully, while raining a storm of spears down towards Ranma from the air. The pigtailed boy screamed, and started to run again.  
  
"HEY! Ukyo shouted, indignified, as she brought her combat spatula to bare, and joined the chase.  
______________________________________________________  
  
At the Tendou Household...  
  
Akane stirred in her bed, while ignoring the sticky feeling all over her body.  
  
"Wow..."  
______________________________________________________  
  
"So, what's your beef with Ranma?" the immortal man asked, running alongside Ukyo; he didn't realize he had so many enemies back in the day.  
  
"What? NO! I'm going to save him!" Ukyo exclaimed adamantly.  
  
"Huh? Why?"  
  
"Because I'm his *cute* fiancée!"  
  
Oh, this was just gonna be too easy...  
  
"You do realize, that he's going to marry Akane, right?" The Forever Man stated factually.  
  
"No he won't he's going to marry ME!"  
  
"No, really, I mean he even wrote this lovely poem for her!" The eternal man pulled out a parched looking piece of paper, and cleared his throat, "Dear Akane, when I look at you, I feel the pain of the years on me at once. With you around, this world doesn't feel like Hell, because I realize that Hell follows me everywhere, in your steps. Oh Akane, my life has never had meaning until it was linked with yours in matrimony, to show the world how bad the idea of marriage truly is. I wish you eternal suffering, so that I may find eternal joy." It was one of Akane's favorites.  
  
It didn't matter that it was slightly morbid, it didn't matter that it was rather unromantic. It didn't matter that it talked as if they were already married, or even that it really sucked; all that mattered is that it was written for Akane, and not her. And this guy said Ranma wrote it.  
  
The Forever Man put a few steps between him and Ukyo; it was hot enough as it is. He didn't need the girl's battle aura making him any more uncomfortable.  
  
Ranma paused in mid stride, just in time to see a cute purple haired girl running by him for her life. Without even looking, he reached out and snagged his wife.  
  
"Akane... what's going on?"  
  
"Uh..." The immortal woman quickly hid the sword behind her back, "nothing..."  
  
"What's that behind your back?"  
  
"Ah... Soul Swallower?" Akane replied sheepishly, while idly twisting her right foot into the roof tile nervously.  
  
"What have I told you about using Sword Swallower?"  
  
"Ummm, only on special occasions?"  
  
"Right" Ranma reprimanded, "Does this look like Winter Solstice to you?"  
____________________________________________________  
  
Ranma stopped for a breather, after losing Mousse somewhere. Ranma jumped at the shadow that fell over him, but was relieved to see who it was, "Ukyo, I'm so glad to see..."  
  
Ranma barely evaded the large blade that was imbedded in the wall between his legs, by hoisting himself up. Didn't Ukyo *want* him to keep that particular part? Ranma then noted the look on his best friend's face; there was one other time he had seen that look directed towards him.  
  
It wasn't a good time to be Ranma then, either.  
  
Before he could run away, Ranma pulled back from almost getting his nose broken by the tip of an umbrella, then ducked a sword swing, then evaded a sharpened soap on a rope. Today officially sucked in Ranma's book.  
  
Ranma thanked all Kami from every land he could think of, as he evaded the group's combined attacks; lack of teamwork was such a beautiful thing. Unfortunately, he also knew he couldn't hold out forever, that's when he decided that he had enough. He even now doubted that that was indeed him from the future. Exactly why would he want to kill himself anyway?  
  
"HEY! MUMMY BOY!" The man in question turned an ear in the shout's direction; amused that Ranma had the gall to try to irritate him.  
  
"I CHALLENGE YA! ONE ON ONE!"  
  
Suddenly, the four combatants that were all over Ranma were sent flying in four different directions. In their place stood an obscenely grinning immortal, "Is that a fact?"  
  
"Er, yeah, if I win, you leave Nerima, and me, alone. We have a deal?"  
*******************************************************  
  
I'm impressed about the gumption I had. No wonder I assumed I was the best. Maybe I should let him know what he's getting into...  
*******************************************************  
  
The Forever Man nodded, and then let loose his battle aura. He was pleased with the reaction that his challenger gave.  
*******************************************************  
  
This aught to be educational.... and fun! 


	10. Issue #9 Vol #1 'The Great One Sided Bat...

Ranma the Forever Man  
Issue #9 Vol #1  
  
  
  
It was pretty funny, watching my younger self scramble back to his feet after being literally blown away by my battle aura, and then take a stance like he wasn't intimidated. I would have been impressed with his bravado, but the way his legs were shaking kinda subtracted from the awe of the moment. It was fairly obvious that he wasn't going to attack first... little chicken shit, so I decided to start the game off  
******************************************************  
  
Ranma suddenly doubled over.  
  
"Whoops, I guess we're supposed to have the preemptive feeling out phase of the battle before I start beating you until a hearty looking meat stew, huh?" the Forever Man said, chagrined. He removed his fist from the pigtailed boy's gut, and allowed him to catch his breath.  
  
After four minutes for Ranma to recuperate, he was back on his feet, "That was a dirty trick!"  
  
"Huh? I just ran up to you and punched you!" his older counterpart said, deeply offended; he didn't like being called a cheater.  
  
"You 'teleported'!"  
  
"Ranma! Since when could you teleport? You been holding out on me?" Akane, the Lovely Spleen Eater, inquired with a slight edge.  
  
"Huh? You saw me walk up to him and slug him!" the immortal man said, getting even more irritated, "not my fault he wasn't paying attention!"  
  
"He... walked?" Ranma thought to himself; suddenly realizing exactly was going to happen to him, "fuck.... me...."  
  
"You ready Ranma? I'm getting pretty anxious to die here. Tell ya what, you get the next shot, and I won't retaliate until I get really bored, okay?"  
  
Ranma took an offensive stance, ready to strike. The air grew heavy with anticipation.  
________________________________________________________  
  
"Uh, ready whenever you are, Sparky," the Forever Man stated, fifteen minutes later. It was rather obvious that Ranma was stalling.  
  
"Excitement! Excitement!" Akane changed excitedly, hopping up and down and twisting back and forth with her fists under her chin and eyes shut. Oh yeah, and the cheesy hyper grin.  
  
Actually, in truth, Ranma wasn't stalling, he was taking many things into consideration; knowledge was power after all. Like how his opponent's guard seemed completely down, yet active in all directions. How he seemed firm to the ground, completely lack in spry. Like how sweet the air smelled, the thought that Akane was pretty cute when she smiled, how he wished he could nail that dew on the wings of a sparrow technique without having to finish with his left foot in the ready, what it would be like to lose his virginity, was that really Shampoo's natural hair color, how he really would have liked to have his last meal before he died.  
  
Okay, so the Forever Man's assessment was correct.  
  
With a sigh, the immortal man rushed at Ranma, slow enough for his vision to follow. Startled, Ranma threw a punch at his head, and allowed his instinct to guide him. Unfortunately, his first attack was a good three inches off. Torquing himself, Ranma brought his fist to a sideways hammering back fist, but missed his opponent's nose by a good few inches.  
  
Gritting his teeth, Ranma lost himself in his center, flowing through attacks in a way that proved him to be a true paragon of the art. Well, it would had looked nice if he wasn't doing it almost a foot away from his future self, who looked on with interest.  
  
"Uh, airen impress dead man for victory, yes?" Shampoo enquired, her curiosity overriding her fear for her life. She felt herself grabbed into a one armed hug from the side, and squealed with fright when she realized who it was.  
  
"Oh, don't worry, I'm not mad at you anymore! I just can't stay angry at my best friend Tofu."  
  
"Name Shampoo," The terrified girl corrected.  
  
"Whatever... what do you wash your hair with?"  
  
Ranma finally backed off to assess the situation. No matter what he was doing, he couldn't connect. His opponent seemed to be standing still, yet he *knew* he was right on target with every one of his strikes. Something clicked in the pigtailed warrior's mind, and suddenly shut his eyes.  
  
The Forever Man was forced to bend backwards to avoid a foot to the nose, and smirked, "Good think'n, now you just need to work on using a less excessive motions, root yourself a bit more instead of consistently shifting your balance, you're favoring your left a bit too much that it makes you kinda obvious."  
  
"Like you're one to talk! What's a matter? Can't you do anything but dodge?" Ranma asked in a taunt. A tap in the face was his reply; the kind of tap that concaved skulls, "Hey!"  
  
The immortal said with a non-committal shrug, his hands behind his back innocently. Ranma adjusted himself to tighten his defense, though he knew his guard was strong, there was no way that attack should have gotten throu...  
  
Ranma's analyzation was interrupted with another blow to the face.  
  
If the immortal man could hear Ranma's thoughts, he would have had to agree about his younger self's perfect defensive form, not that it mattered. This was fun!  
_____________________________________________________  
  
"Ugh, what hit me?" Mousse asked, little chibi Shampoos dressed in half a package of dental floss, between them, waving cute little bonbori maces around danced around his head.  
  
"Apparently the same thing that's hitting Ranma... over... and over... and over...." Ryoga became lost in the repetition.   
  
"Hey! Don't kill the Jackass until he's finished his poem to me!" Ukyo cried out.  
_____________________________________________________  
  
Ranma was finding himself in a rather hopeless situation, every time he recovered, he received a punch to the face. Even a full boxer's guard earned him a straight shot, which confused him since it was a straight on blow, and he didn't even feel anything go against his arms. It wasn't the first time he had prayed that there would be some divine intervention on his behalf...  
  
"MISCREANT! How dare you harm the marvelous facade of my Ranma-sama?"  
  
The immortal man didn't even turn around as he back kicked, causing his shoe to fly off and sock the girl in the chin. The younger Ranma asked for something a bit more potent in his prayers, when he could concentrate between smacks to the face.  
  
A splash of water later...  
  
"Ranma-chan! I'll rescue you!" Not that she would admit it, but the old man's head between her breasts was actually a pleasant feeling at that moment.  
  
The immortal man grunted irritated that the little man stopped his blow with one finger, and grabbed him by the back of his small gi and pulled him from Ranma.  
  
"If you mind, we were in the middle of something," the Forever Man said dryly while holding the midget at arm's length, then igniting him with his ki, along with the contents of his hand..  
  
After the coherent pile of ash fell to the ground, the immortal turned back to Ranma, "Okay, now where were..."  
  
*WHAM*  
  
The Forever Man staggered back, clutching his jaw, while the younger Ranma stared at his fist in awe, before going back into stance. Though his face showed a stone grim determination, inside Ranma was doing the Macarena, "I hit him, I FINALLY hit him! He's NOT invincible!"  
  
The immortal realigned his jaw, "Dammit, you know how long that's gonna take to heal?" he growled, and then spit out a gob of blood that was pooling at the bottom of his mouth. The sight of blood brought the pigtailed boy's confidence up.  
  
With renewed vigor, Ranma attacked. The Forever Man was forced to start dodging and weaving out of attacks; not that he was putting any more effort into things, but to Ranma it looked like his opponent was on the defensive.  
  
"Now THERE'S the spirit!" Ranma of the future complimented.  
  
"RA RA! ZIST BOOM BA! KICK HIS ASS, KICK HIS ASS, YA YA YA!" Akane, the Bile Baptizer, cheered, doing high kicks in her crimson cheerleading outfit while waiving around a couple of intestinal tracts like pompoms  
  
"Who side you on?" Shampoo asked.  
  
"I'd rather like to know where she got those..." Ukyo stated looking at the fresh blood dripping organs.  
  
"I'd... rather not," Ryoga commented between dry heaves.  
  
"Well, it's not like he has a snowball's chance in Hell of beating my hubby," Akane commented, while wiping the blood on her hands off on her skirt, "He's looking so pathetic out there that I just felt sorry for him."  
  
Ranma staggered, if it were anyone else other than Akane...  
  
*WHAM*  
  
"Now see what you did, 'Kane, if you had only kept you big mouth shut," The Forever man said, irritated, "Took the fight right outta him." The immortal picked Ranma's head up off the ground, and watched fascenated by the spirals in his eyes, "I know what I can do!"  
  
"What the? HEY LEGGO!!!!" Akane screeched as she was hefted onto her husband's shoulders, "There are people present! At least ask them if they want to join in first!"  
  
"Shush, just play along," The immortal said sideways, "MUAHAHAHAHAAAA, I have defeated the great... um..."  
  
"Saotome," Ryoga helped.  
  
"MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAA, I have defeated the great Saotome, and now I shall take his woman and ravage her! MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!"  
  
"YOU FEIND! HOW DAR YOU TOUCH MY TIGRESS!!!!"  
  
"NO! I WON'T LET YOU TAKE AWAY AKANE AND DO HORRIBLE THINGS TO HER!!!!"  
  
Both nuisances were taken care of; one receiving a boot to the head, while the other an eyeful of a nude.. and very active... photo of Akane. Unfortunately, the ploy failed to stir the pigtailed boy.  
  
"Hmm, I guess this calls for drastic measures," The Grim Reaper's servant mused, before a bout of inspiration struck him.  
  
Gently, he set Akane down, and then picked Ranma and leaned him against the wall, facing the immortal woman.  
  
"Now pay close attention, Ranma," the Forever Man turned to his wife, and grinned. Akane grinned back and hunched her shoulders in childish mirth. Then the immortal man beheaded her.  
  
Now that... was enough to get a rise outta the comatose boy. To say that the Immortal man was pleasantly suprised by the size Ranma's battle aura grew would be a slight understatement. The temperature in the immidate area dropped as Ranma's Soul of Ice technique kicked in in such a way that even Saffron would have been overly startled with.  
  
The snoball's odds just got upgraded. 


	11. Issue #10 DOUBLE-SIZE PLATNIUM EDITION! ...

Ranma the Forever Man  
Issue #10 Vol #1  
DOUBLESIZE PLATNIUM CHROME COVER ISSUE!  
'The Great One Sided Battle, Part 2'  
  
  
"Now pay close attention" Ranma barely heard on the fringes of consciousness. Forcing himself to focus, the pigtailed boy found his opponent smiling at Akane as she smiled back. His world dropped from under him at the same time Akane's head bounced. His eyes went flat and darker than twin black holes, as all emotion left him completely, a total void, which would serve for perfect concentration.  
  
The Forever Man felt the chill sweep over the area, and was quite interested to note that it was coming from his past self, "That got your attention, I see, You ready now?"  
  
Ranma's answer was a sizable chi ball. The Forever man leapt to the side to evade slightly slow moving projectile, and realized he lost track of Ranma. He tried to let out a laugh when Ranma jumped from behind his attack with a hard cross again to his jaw, hard. The boy was defiantly serious now.  
  
The Forever Man kicked Ranma in the gut, anticipating a few broken ribs to his younger self. His kick connected soundly, but his younger self rode the blow, as if anticipating it. Using the momentum from the kick and his own leverage, Ranma rolled back and braced his knee against the back of his opponents and twisted his leg over it, attempting to drive his opponent's knee into the concrete ground with intention of pulverizing the kneecap.  
  
"The little punk intentionally stayed at kick range, smart!" The immortal man thought to himself, and adjusted his chi to cushion the blow. The impact left a good-sized pothole that the Nerima City maintenance would be working a while on, and Ranma let go and used the dust as cover, keeping his aura tight against him. It was a wasted gesture, since the Forever Man couldn't even feel his opponent's ki beyond his own due to the similarities. He wasn't too concerned though; in fact he was quite interested in seeing the tactics his younger self came up with.  
  
The immortal noted the shadows shift under him, and pulled back when Ranma reappeared and spun around, swinging his arms in a wide arc that relinquished two vacuum blade attacks diagonally into the air.  
  
"Um, I'm over here?" The Forever Man quipped, wondering if he had somehow addled his younger's brain. Didn't take long for him to realize what was intended, as shattered and sharp pieces of concrete were picked up behind him and pummeled him from the back. Ranma turned back around, and saw the distraction and came in low for a hard uppercut, but found himself pushed away by a suddenly expanding chi field.  
  
"That... HURT... you little fuck!" The Forever Man growled, pulling a large shard of concrete from his back. The pigtailed boy remained unphased at both his opponent's irritation and drawing first blood.  
****************************************************  
  
Dammit, that's gonna take a goddamn while to heal! I was gonna go easy on him, but he seems to be getting the rather asinine notion that he can win. I guess it was my fault for leading him on like this, but he's growing just too damn big for his britches. I'm gonna have to spank him first before I kill him.  
  
Wait a minute, something just occurred to me. Sure I knew that it would be the end of me once I snapped his fool headed neck, but when I go poof, will I go poof, or will I go 'poof'? Dammit, it would be kinda nice to finally know peace, but how can I enjoy it if I actually truly vanish from existence? Shit, I guess I didn't think this all the way through.  
*****************************************************  
  
"Listen Ranma, I may have been a bit premature about this, perhaps we can talk this over like reasonable gentlemen? I'll treat ya to a prissy little tea thing, sound good to you?" Ranma continued to throw strikes at the Forever Man.  
  
"You're being totally unreasonable, let's calm down a bit before we do something rash, how bout it?" Ranma landed a kick to his opponent's head.  
  
The immortal was beginning to get irritated at the silent treatment he was receiving," Dammit, say something!" His answer was another kick, this time to the chest area. The older Ranma sighed as he accepted the blows, and was about to reprimand his younger self for lack of courtesy, when he realized he forgot something.  
  
"Whoops, sorry about that," The immortal said, chagrined, and let go of Ranma's neck so that he could touch the ground and breath again. The determined martial artist took advantage and straightened himself out horizontally into a drop kick that caught his future self rather unawares.  
  
"WHOMPH!" The Forever Man slid back a few feet, clutching his stomach where it was still tender from being impaled a day ago. The younger noted the possible past injury, and found the chink in his opponent's armor.  
  
Out of several potential battle scenarios, Ranma picked one and set to work.  
_____________________________________________  
  
No one really watched the fight; they just stared at the decapitated body lying before them. Each one of them felt a surrealness about the situation, one of their own... died, and rather casually too. What really upset them was the look of irritation on the bodiless Akane's face as she stared off towards where the battle was waged.  
  
Ukyo was the first to find her voice, "No, no way. She can't really be dead." This was just beyond her understanding, death wasn't something that happened to anyone she knew. Sure fights got a little heated, but it was always in the name of good fun and vengeance.  
  
Shampoo found the courage to gingerly pick the head up and place it closer to the body, though she held it at arm's length. It was not honoring to have one's head separated a distance from it's body. She would at least give her rival for her love's heart this courtesy as a warrior. Fortunately Kuno was still out of it, but Ryoga was in shock. He had fallen to his knees, and stared off into the distance beyond where Akane was standing. Mousse looked grimly at the fallen, and then turned his attentions back to the fight. He knew Ranma was beyond rage right now. Seeing Akane struck down was even intolerable to him, and in such a way that was insanely cavalier. It was taking a great deal of restraint to not join the fray.  
  
"Shampoo see things," The lavender haired girl mumbled fearfully.  
  
"DAMMIT! WE'RE ALL SEEING IT! AKANE IS *DEAD*! WE ALL SAW HER HEAD CUT OFF!!!" Ukyo screamed out, reality finally catching up with her. She turned and collapsed into Mousse, crying.  
  
"If Akane dead, why left eye twitch like upset?"  
_______________________________________________  
  
A couple of blocks a way, another shorthaired girl wandered about, and wondered where everyone was. She then heard the unified cries of several extremely freaked out teenagers, as if to answer her silent inquiry  
_______________________________________________  
  
Ranma ran at his opponent, and at the last moment leapt into the air, throwing a chi shot at the immortal's head. The Forever Man swatted the ball away casually, but then his eyes went wide in pain. He fell to one knee, clutching his stomach in pain once again; the little bastard BOUNCED a chi shot off the ground! Clever!  
  
If he felt anything at the moment, Ranma would have smirked at borrowing a variation of Herb's technique. Landing, Ranma turned an outside crescent kick towards his opponent's unprotected head. The immortal's hand suddenly shot out and caught the leg. With a grunt of irritation, he slammed Ranma into the ground in front of him, pulverizing the concrete under him. Ranma had quickly shifted his chi to protect his back, then with lightning reflexes shifted it to his hands.  
  
"MOUKU TAKABISHA!" Ranma shouted, for the first time in the fight calling out the attack. Once again the energy sphere was deflected with the immortal's free hand...  
  
"AAAAARRRRRR!!!!!" The Forever Man coughed up a bit of blood as the pigtailed boy rolled away.  
  
"Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken revised, Kachu Tenshin Amagurikyaku," Ranma said rather mechanically, and as an after thought. The older Ranma held the large bruise on his stomach, cursing how long it was taking that damn wound to heal, the minor elixir he had used 'yesterday' only healed things to a certain degree, he would still be tender for a bit.  
  
The Immortal Ranma's eyes narrowed as he straightened himself back up, "Now you done pissed me off." Even if he wanted to, the younger Ranma couldn't retort, what with the air forced to the other side of his voice box by the knee that was jammed into his diaphragm. The Forever Man turned around with Ranma still hooked onto his knee, and seemed to fly into, scratch that, through the nearest wall. Stopping at the other side suddenly, the momentum threw Ranma off the knee and into the air.  
  
Only shifting his stance to bring his leg down, The Forever Man brought his right hand low and the swatted it forward in an underhanded pitch, releasing a crimson ki attack that found it's way into it's target's gut, adding to his momentum and carrying him off even further. It was some distance away before Ranma rolled himself off of the ki sphere.  
__________________________________  
  
Akane found the group, and blinked at the scene. Ukyo was a babbling wreck, while Ryoga sat stone still with his eyes locked on the cause of their distress that was just out of her sight. Shampoo was tightly hugging Mousse, which proved exactly how freaked out she was, while Mousse was too out of his mind with fright to enjoy it.  
  
"Geez, what's with you guys?" Akane inquired, approaching the group. She blinked when she saw the body and recognized it, eyes going wide in a shocking realization.  
  
Everyone present slowly turned to look at the raven-haired girl.  
  
"HEY! SHE'S BLEEDING ALL OVER MY DRESS!!!!"  
__________________________________  
  
The Forever Man ignored the screams of absolute terror off in the distance as he searched for his younger. The Immortal had decided not to kill the teenager, but he really so wanted to take him on the magical, enchanted tour through the wonderful world of PAIN.  
  
"Where are ya? You little punk?" the immortal growled, incensed beyond what he had ever been in the longest time, was he really that annoying when he was young? He clutched his stomach idly.  
  
On instinct, he spun around, his fist smashing into a thrown piece of concrete while the other hand kept a solid vigil over his stomach wound. Unfortunately that left the gaping hole in his back wide open for his opponent. The immortal staggered forward from the kick, and decided he had just about enough of things.  
  
"THAT'S IT!!!!" The immortal's aura flared up even brighter than before, blanketing the area. Off in the distance, Cologne's head turned, causing her to pause in adding more powdered stock to the broth. Happosai recovered, and sat up to stare off in the direction he felt the awesome power. Both Soun and Genma paused in their game, turning to the distance.  
  
"Son-in-Law/That ungrateful whelp/Ranma/ The boy... is in some... SERIOUS... shit," all four of the exclaimed in unison.  
______________________________________  
  
In the back regions of China, a regal looking young woman with a pink ponytail turned away from the view of the mountain range, "That was... it couldn't be..."  
  
The Prince, currently Princess, of the Dragon Lineage of the Musk, decided that once current affairs were in order, a trip back to Japan was called for.  
_______________________________________  
  
A young man wearing a dragon scale vest and steel bracers suddenly paused in his intense work out, and looked towards the east, "Femboy?"  
_______________________________________  
  
In the northernmost parts of Japan, a fiery haired figure paused in its meditation, looking towards the south. It smiled as it realized it now had someone to truly challenge the Evil Hadou.  
_______________________________________  
  
Back in Nerima, seven teens ignored the intensely ki laden feeling in the air. Two of them were currently unconscious; four of them were back against the wall in total fear, while one huffed indignantly while her favorite sundress was ruined.  
  
"Well, I guess I'll just have to see what Kasumi can do," Akane commented dejectedly.  
  
"A... Akane...?" Ryoga squeaked.  
  
"No Akane! Is Vengeful Spirit! Great Grandmother tell Shampoo if Shampoo kill Akane, she come back and get revenge!" Shampoo said fear stricken. It wasn't even fair, she didn't off the girl herself and she was still being haunted.  
  
"Y-y-you gu-guys s-s-s-see it too?" Ukyo stuttered, with her combat spatula before her, not as a weapon, but more of a security blanket.  
  
Akane ignored their babbling as she took her double's head and adjusted it so it was against the neck properly. Akane slightly blushed as she lifted up the dress to find her double wasn't wearing any panties, "Uh, can you guys please turn away? I would like to keep some of my modesty..." Adjusting herself to block the view from perverts, Akane brought up her fist, and slammed it into the area that was tattooed, "In case of decapitation, break glass."  
  
The vial that was hidden under the immortal woman's skin shattered, sending the rejuvenating elixir through her body.  
  
"Wha, what?" Ukyo bumbled out.  
  
"I, heh, kind of asked her what it was before..." Akane stated, chagrined.  
________________________________________  
  
Ranma lured his alternate self into the park, where he had more room. The immortal man growled as he fired ki shot at his younger. The pigtailed boy kept his distance and his utter cool as he walked ran in the widest spiral he had ever attempted, having to keep his distance so it lowered his chances of being tagged. About midway, Ranma slipped into the Umisenken.  
  
The immortal Ranma felt the air through his aura, trying to sense movement, any movement. After finding his focus, he found motion right before him.  
  
Ranma made his move as soon as his opponent did what he wanted him to do, expand his hot aura to envelope the whole spiral, "HIRYUU SHOTEN HAAAAA!" Ranma cried out, raising both fists into the air. The other Ranma stood firm, almost not even bothered by the intense winds that were engulfing him. The Younger rushed forward, and was turned head over heels as the compact and raging tempest carried him up.  
  
"Well, that was stupid," The eternal man commented, his rage diminished at seeing the seemingly idiotic act. Then he contemplated how he was going to get his foolish younger self down, he wondered why his ki was suddenly being pulled into the highest point of the tornado.  
  
  
"ITSUMADEMO.....KOBU.....HIRYUU....SEISHUUDAN!!!!!" Ranma called out the name of his revised attack that he used to defeat Herb with all the passion that had welled up in the only part that hadn't gone completely numb at Akane's death, his heart.  
  
The immortal man gaped at the planet of ki that was being directed straight down onto him, a memory from well too long ago jarred to the surface. Gathering the rest of his ki, the Forever Man thrust his hands forward. From the size of the attack, it could take out all of Nerima, and then some, so it needed to be contained until it could be managed. On top of that, he had to keep his younger attack from being flayed alive by his own technique, though he had realized that it was intended as a suicide move. He also came to one other realization, as to why the move was called the 'Infinitely Swelling Flying Dragon Final Counter'.  
  
From the other side of the massive energy sphere, Ranma gathered the energy his opponent was using to keep the whole area from going boom, and to protect him, and added it to the sphere. If Akane was dead, then he was damn well going to make sure that this bastard went with her. He was Ranma Saotome, the greatest of his generation, the greatest EVER. He would not be defeated, in protecting the girl he... loved...  
  
And in bringing her vengeance.  
  
The Immortal man held on, putting more energy into Struggling against the ever-building dam, before coming to one final, unsettling realization...  
*****************************************************  
  
This.... was going to.... REALLY.... suck.  
*****************************************************  
He released the sphere, and concentrated on damage control. The area went up in a column of energy that could be seen for miles around. Sacrifices had to be made; the two of them couldn't make it completely.  
  
The Younger Ranma prepared to see Akane's smile again.  
______________________________________  
  
Akane, the Eternal Enemy of the French (that name was just a big misunderstanding, she was aiming for Belgium actually) clapped in glee at the spectacular pyrotechnic display off in the distance, "Wow! More! MORE!"  
  
"Wha, what was that?" Mousse asked, in whispered awe, the amount of energy that it gave off was overwhelming.  
  
"That..." Ukyo started.  
  
"RANMA/RANCHAN/AIREN/RANMASAMA" Ryoga, Akane, Mousse, Ukyo, Shampoo, and a recently revived Kodachi cried out in unison.  
_______________________________________  
  
Soun, Nabiki, and Kasumi Tendou, along with Genma and Nodoka Saotome watched the light show from the porch.  
  
"Oh... my, I hope Ranma is okay." Kasumi said, showing more worry than usual for her.  
  
Nabiki was at a loss, there was no way Ranma could have survived that, there was just no way.  
  
"My son...." Nodoka whimpered, after being away from him so long...  
  
Both potential father-in-law and father stood with stoic expressions.  
________________________________________  
  
Cologne unshielded her eyes as the light dimmed, this time Son-in-law bit off more than he could chew.  
  
"He's still alive, don't worry your wrinkled face about it," Happosai commented, as he landed softly next to his fellow elder.  
  
"And how would you know this? I can guarantee that not even YOU could survive that amount of energy."  
  
Happosai didn't give an answer; his gut feeling was his only evidence.  
_________________________________________  
  
Ranma was kneeling on one knee, his clothes in tatters, staring passively at the crater; debris and smoke obscuring vision, "For... for you... Akane. I did it." Before the pigtailed boy could collapse, his vision caught something walking out of the pit.  
  
"How?" Ranma whimpered, as his double from the future walked out into view.  
  
"Heh," Ranma, the Forever Man, chuckled as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, "Pretty good, sport."  
  
  
  
And then collapsed, face-first. 


	12. Issue #11 Vol #1 'Settling Down'

Ranma the Forever Man  
  
  
  
"Ehee, eheee, huhhhhh," the immortal woman wound down, then turned to look at her husband again, "BWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"  
  
"Are you *done* yet?" the Forever Man asked with acid malice dripping from his voice. Akane, the bunny maiden of Hell, sobered up quickly before replying.  
  
"No."  
  
The immortal man sighed as his wife went into a new series of hysterics. The Tendou family, Genma, Nodoka, Ryoga, Ukyo, Shampoo, Mousse, and Cologne stared wearily at the girl laughing her ass off while rolling around on the ground. They have all come to, or reaffirmed their conclusion. She was completely, utterly, beyond a doubt, far more insane then a lifetime could compile. She seemed not to care about the fact that her head had been cleanly detached from her neck by her husband, and more interested in the fact that...  
  
"You got your ass KICKED!" the immortal woman shouted, before continuing into her hard laughter.  
  
The other immortal's eyes narrowed even further, signaling he had enough of it, "Shut... up... ''K-Chan'."  
  
Akane, the Handmaiden of Death, shut up quickly. Her face grew seriously cold, malicious, and far more intimidating than an Amazon matriarch or a pissed off old lecher on their worst days, "Do. Not. Ever. Call. Me. That. Again." Everyone but her husband backed up from the chill she radiated that made Ranma's Soul of Ice seem like a lengthy stay in a sauna.  
  
"Then you quit laughing, 'Little K..." Those who were standing by the exit in order to make a immediate bolt from the scene in case the crazed immortal woman turned her attentions to them (which happened to be everyone present but the crazed woman's husband), cleared out of the way, as one immortal slammed into the other one, beginning a savage maiming session which was only rivaled by their heated foreplay.  
  
"They do seem healthy for their age," Nodoka commented, staring with great concern at the blood and dust cloud with fists and swords, and nasty looking blood colored sledgehammers, and something unidentifiable but nonetheless extremely painful looking.  
  
"And how old are they? Kajillion?" Nabiki asked, chipping at the thin layer of frost on the dining table that the immortal woman caused with her spoon, and observing the couple trying to disembowel each other in most creative and vogue fashions far ahead of the times.  
  
"Have you discovered the reason for their being here?" Cologne questioned.  
  
"Hmm, no, they haven't told us yet," replied Akane. She was the only one brave enough to interrupt their 'domestic dispute', "Hey, you two, why did you travel back in time?"  
  
The two immortals froze in place; Ranma holding his sword ready to drive it through the top of his wife's head, Akane hadn't stopped yet, apparently not hearing her younger self, as she continued to shake her husband's throat wildly... with her teeth.  
  
The immortal grabbed his wife's head and held it still so he could reply, "Hmm, no idea," the Forever Man replied, before turning back to his wife with a questioning look.  
  
Akane let go of his throat, licking the blood from her lips, "Beats me, one minute we're doing wholesale slaughter, the next my husband's catching a beat down from a wet-nosed punk."  
  
"SHUT UP K-CHA-URCH!"  
  
"Give it a rest, will you?" Akane, the Simnorgus velsam, interrupted with a tired voice. Actually, her thumb punching into her husband's throat interrupted him, really. Semantics...  
  
"Hmm, it's best we consider this then," mused Cologne, "as much as your company is... enjoyed... there has to be a discernable reason for your visit."  
  
Akane, the Carrion Abyss, pushed the sign away that her husband was waving around in her face, "Oh dry up, it's just a small hole!" Ranma started to get annoyed with the inability to voice his frustration. He pulled out a straw and shoved it in the 'small' hole in his throat, and then pulled out an elixir and poured it down the straw, "I guess there is, but I'm not in a hurry to go back," the immortal woman smiled brightly, "I like ice-cream!"  
  
The Cologne looked around, noticing something, "Uh, where did Son-in-law go?"  
  
"Son-in-law?" Akane, the Soul Harvester, asked in a flat voice, that reflected her flat eyes, that reflected the flat ebony blade that her hand twitched to grip.  
  
"Uh, Son-in-law meant in the endearing fashion," Cologne quickly placated, the infinitely older girl's sudden mercurial change in attitude not going unnoticed.  
  
"I know where the idiot probably went to," the younger Akane replied, "I think he's still sulking."  
  
"Well, he *did* see you get beheaded," Nodoka stated matter-of-factly.  
  
"But I wasn't *really* dead." Akane replied huffily.  
  
"You tell 'em, 'Kane-chan!" the immortal woman cheered, hugging one arm around an extremely nervous Shampoo in a buddy-buddy fashion, "You know Conditioner..."  
  
"Name Shampoo," The lavender haired girl whimpered.  
  
"You know Shampoo, I think my interest in you is somewhat sexual."  
  
Almost everyone turned towards the younger Akane with contemplative looks, while the youngest Tendou daughter was blushed furiously and was looking in any other direction.  
_____________________________________________________________  
  
Ranma looked across the canal sullenly. Even after it had been proven to him that Akane was still alive, he felt a great emptiness inside. He had to get away before he fell into a balling fit in front of everyone. What's worse was Akane didn't appreciate the feelings he went through when he saw her head roll onto the ground. He willingly pushed himself towards death's door, fully intent on taking himself and his older self out in his final attack.  
  
A wistful smirk appeared on his face, he guessed it was good that he didn't succeed, since it would have been in vain. But still...  
  
"You doing okay?" Ranma turned to see Akane approaching him cautiously.  
  
Ranma scowled, and then turned away, "Go away."  
  
Akane's face turned into a slight pout, before hardening into defiance, "No."  
  
"Fine then," Ranma turned to leap away so he could be alone, and found a restraining hand on his arm.  
  
"Please, don't," Ranma couldn't resist the pleading look on Akane's face, and begrudgingly sat himself back down. Akane sat next to him, "You're upset."  
  
"No, I'm just peachy," Ranma replied coldly, while staring across the canal.  
  
Akane sighed, "Why are you so mad?"  
  
"S'noth'n"  
  
"Oh yeah, nothing alright. You nearly level all of... Nerima, and you think it's something to just blow over?" Akane looked towards Ranma with a half lidded gaze.  
  
"No, it's nothing. It's nothing all right, NOTHING compared to seeing your body fall lifeless without your FREAKING head attached. NOTHING compared to the realization that you would not be getting up. NOTHING COMPARED TO THE FACT THAT I *FAILED* YOU!!!!" Ranma's voice had been steadily rising, and screeched with every punctuation. He gulped before continuing quietly, fighting back tears, "Nothing... compared to the feeling that I... that I, lost you forever." The last part was barely audible.  
  
Akane's face softened when Ranma turned his tear glistening eyes back to her. Ranma felt himself want to cry more than he had ever before, looking into Akane's beautiful face. She seemed even more youthful than before, not a single blemish on her lovely face, her hair slightly...  
  
Wait a minute...  
  
"Youuuu...." Ranma growled, realizing he was looking at the one other person, besides his future self, he did NOT want to talk to.  
  
The Immortal woman's face grew a slight smirk, "Me."  
  
"Get... go away," Ranma commanded in a low, menacing voice, the eternally young girl wasn't intimidated.  
  
"My husband went extremely easy on you, don't think I'll be as gentle, boy..." Akane replied with a steel in her eyes and voice, her expression softened before continuing, "I don't think I remember when I had seen you give me such selfless concern," Akane, the Saint of Cannibals, amended the fact that she didn't remember many of the nice things Ranma had done for her, past or recent for her, "and, I just want you to know, it's appreciated, thank you."  
  
"I didn't do it for you," Ranma replied in a stony voice.  
  
"Just as well, seeing you so selfless, so driven, so focused for me..." the immortal woman used a gentle hand to turn Ranma's face back to her, "I remembered, why I love you so much. Why I stayed with you for so many millennia," Akane didn't finish, as she brought her lips to the slightly dazed pigtailed boy's.  
  
They stayed frozen in the kiss, as the Setting sun painted the sky in soothing pastels that bathed the two in soft light. After a few moments, they separated, "Plus, it REALLY got me hot."  
  
"Hah?" Ranma intelligently replied. Akane had to giggle, he really was cute when her husband was young, and he defiantly tasted like a virgin. She briefly contemplated getting fulfillment from him, already rearing to go from the fight earlier and holding Shampoo's body next to her, but thought against it. It was something her younger self deserved. A gift that Ranma willingly held for the almost seventeen-year-old girl, to be given unconditionally.  
  
Regrettably, she turned, and started to walk away, leaving Ranma standing there with a pole axed expression his face. Akane sighed, turned around, and grinned ferally.  
  
The gift of virginity was highly overrated.  
_____________________________________________________________  
  
The Forever Man crushed his teacup in his hand.  
  
"Uh, is something wrong?" Soun asked, concerned that the immortal man was about to become temperamental.  
  
Ranma turned to look towards the canal, and growled. He couldn't do anything about it this time, though he so much wanted to add a couple more to his pickle jar, "No, nothing's wrong. Everything's just peachy." Ranma went to take a drink, and found his cup in shards, "Dammit, gimme something harder to drink..."  
  
When he got no response, "NOW!" Kasumi jumped, then scrambled to retrieve her own stash of Canadian Mist. Must never keep the guests waiting or wanting.  
______________________________________________________________  
  
Kodachi staggered through the streets, still hurting from the blow, and feeling nauseous from the slight concussion she was experiencing. In fact, she felt the need to relieve herself immediately. The gymnast bent over the rail to relieve herself of the exquisite meal she had for lunch, when she was greeted by a sight that instead relieved her of any ailment, except for outrage...  
  
"You... VILE... HARRIDAN!" 


	13. Issue #12 Vol #1 and Epilogue of the fir...

Ranma the Forever Man  
  
  
*Gulp*  
  
Yeah, I'm brooding, not like I don't have a reason though. How would you feel if your wife were busy getting it on with a younger model? Even if it's a younger version of me, it still pisses me off to no end! Do I go running around on her?  
*****************************************************  
  
"Kay girls, who wants to ride the Wild Stallion?" A nude Ranma faced towards a tavern full of luscious women, gyrating his hips in a slightly suggestive manner.  
****************************************************  
*Gulp*  
  
I've been faithful to her all the time.  
****************************************************  
  
"Come out, you little hussy!" Akane stalked through the woods, holding Soul Swallower's hilt in a white knuckled grip, her battle aura was blazing like a sun at midday. Behind a tree, not too far from the immortal, a nude woman involuntarily relieves herself of bodily wastes.  
***************************************************  
*Gulp*  
  
Is it wrong for her to do the same? I'm a fair man; I don't think it's too much. We're gonna have words after this, I guarantee it.  
***************************************************  
  
"*Gulp*, 'nother one," Kasumi stood at ready with the bottle, pouring after every shot the immortal man downed, behind her lay several empty bottles. Cologne, Ryoga, Shampoo, Ukyo, and Mousse sat around, waiting for the Forever man to finally get his fill so they may question him.  
  
"Really now," Cologne commented, watching liberal amounts of libation being downed with impunity, "such intoxication will be the death of you..."  
___________________________________________  
  
"ACHOO!!!!!" A grim looking man sitting on a bone white throne blinked in confusion and wonderment, "I... I sneezed? COOL!"  
  
He would spend the rest of the day trying to repeat the action  
___________________________________________  
  
"Believe me, I would welcome it if it were possible," the forever man replied, before downing another shot.  
  
Nabiki turned back from watching the binge fest to her sister who was sitting on the porch, looking off into the distance, "Do you think it was a good idea to let your older self go talk with Ranma?"  
  
Akane jumped slightly at the question directed towards her. She looked towards her sister for a second, then turned back to watch the afternoon sun approach the horizon, "Honestly, I don't see what the problem is, she only said she'll go reason with him. She's right when she said she understands Ranma better than I do right now."  
  
"You don't *really* believe that, I mean look at her Ranma," Nabiki gestured to alcohol disposal unit their oldest sister was servicing, "Her Ranma isn't exactly a mirror image of ours."  
  
Akane sighed before replying, "You're probably right, but I don't know what to say to him now. I know now he truly cares for me, loves me even. I don't know if I'm ready to face him yet."  
  
"Akane, if you're positive of his feelings for you, you really should be the one with him right now. Not a twilight Zone rendition of you."  
  
The youngest Tendou daughter closed her eyes, steadying herself, "I guess you're right, but I don't know how to approach this."  
  
"How about directly?" Nabiki hinted.  
  
Akane looked towards her sister contemplatively, then her attention was jerked away by a shrill scream.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU SULLY MY DARLING RANMA YOU WRETCHED WHORE!"  
  
"Geez, if you just give him a few moments, he'll have enough stamina for you to have a turn too!" A nude immortal woman dodged ribbon slashes precariously, as she bounded backwards towards the Tendou household.  
  
"Wait! Kodachi! You have it all wrong! Er, maybe you do have the right idea but-OMPH!" Ranma tripped over his pants, still around his ankles, as he clumsily bounded on the rooftops after the two women. His fall sent him into a chimney, knocking him unconscious.   
  
By now everyone in the residence had come to see the scene. Mousse removed his glasses as a courtesy to the immortal woman's modesty (not that she had any), while Ryoga provided his own courtesy by hemorrhaging into unconsciousness.  
  
"Rrrrrrrraaaaaaannnnnnnnnnmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" came a duet of voices, one tinged with a Kansai accent, while the other one with a Mandarin lilt.  
  
Without looking at her sister, Nabiki took a step away from the most violatile blast zone, "I guess it really wasn't a good idea to let her... *ahem*... 'talk' with Ranma-kun."  
  
Nabiki was surprised by her youngest sister's reply, "I guess it's only fair," Akane replied with a shrug. Nabiki stared long and hard at her sister.  
  
"YOU SLUT!!!!" Ukyo descended towards the immortal woman, her spatula turned for a vertical slash primed to split a boulder in half. The immortal woman effortlessly stepped out of the way of the blade, while avoiding a snap of a gymnast's ribbon.  
  
"Hello!" Akane, the Child of Beelzebub, chirped to the newcomer.  
  
"DAMMIT AKANE!" Ranma the immortal Man shouted out, "COULDN'T YOU HAVE AT LEAST PUT ON A BRA? NOW YOU'RE GONNA BE COMPLAINING ABOUT SAGGING!"  
  
" Shut up, you!" The eternal girl shouted, consciously bringing her arm up to support her chest.  
  
"DIE!" Shampoo's bonbori slammed into spot Akane was less than a split second ago.  
  
"Lather! I thought we were friends!" Akane, the Moon Swallower that plunges the night into total darkness, shouted indignantly, while evading the machinegun pace mace swings, along with a battle spatula and several gymnastic pins.  
  
"NAME SHAMPOO! AND IF YOU REALLY SHAMPOO FRIEND, YOU STAND STILL SO SHAMPOO CAN KILL!"  
  
::CLONG!!!::  
  
Akane stood still, when the three weapons slammed into her at once, "Are you taking advantage of my friendship? I'm hurt that you would be so shallow!" The immortal woman pouted, as Ukyo fought to get her vibrating spatula under control, Shampoo stared dumbly at the stick missing a colorful metal sphere at the end of it, and Kodachi continued to attempt to pummel her current bane of existence without results.  
  
"Excuse me, I'm having an intimate and meaningful chat with my best friend Shampoo, so can you, like, go away or something?" Akane asked nicely, grabbing the gymnast's wrist as she tried another strike.  
  
::WHAM WHAM WHOOSH!!!!:: Akane slammed Kodachi to twice to each side of her, and then tossed her straight into the air. Shampoo and Ukyo decided that it would be prudent not to provoke any more retaliation from the other woman.  
  
"Howdy" A cloaked head poked out of a blue swirling hole that floated in the air, "New look for you, Akane?"  
  
"Huh?" Akane, the cracker of toenails, looked guilelessly towards the newcomer, then looked down at herself, "OHMYFUCK! I'M NAKED!!!!!!"  
  
Her husband grumbled to himself, and shoved his shot into Kasumi roughly. The eldest Tendou daughter didn't even seem to notice, as she unconsciously poured more liquor into the glass, overflowing it.  
  
The eternal girl attempted to cover herself, "DON'T LOOK AT ME! DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!"  
  
"Death, I shoulda known you'd be show'n your ugly face around here," The eternal man growled, "I bet you had something to do with our little trek back in time here to boot..."  
  
"Moi? I'm hurt, I say, HURT! Don't you realize I would miss your company if you went missing?" Death swooned at the thought, "Why, I searched for you far a wide, worrying for your safety!"  
  
"We feel so warmed by your concern," Ranma the Forever Man quipped.  
  
"Whelp, no need to dally, it's time for you crazy kids to get back where you belong," the Grim Reaper's hands started to stretch the hole in the air to accommodate the size of the couple.  
  
"Not a moment too soon, liqueur's kinda weak this day an age." Ranma started to step into the portal, before turning back to his wife, "Yo, 'Kane, you coming or what?"  
  
The immortal woman forgot her present state of dress, 'But... but there's ice-cream here..."  
  
Death sighed, "Come on, Akane dear, I'll see about getting you all the ice-cream you want back when we get home..."  
  
"Triple chocolate fudge fattener?"  
  
"Uh..." Death replied, "Sounds fine to me."  
  
That was all the encouragement the immortal woman needed. Akane bounded for the hole and jumped onto her husband's back, "GIDDY UP!!! There's ice-cream ahead!" The immortal man rolled his eyes and stepped into the hole, before going all the way through it, he turned around.  
  
"See ya around... I guess." Akane waved bye from his back as he turned back to return to his own time. The couple vanished back to where they belonged..  
  
Death turned around and spoke before following them, "You have a lovely home." He stepped into the time portal himself. After he was through, it began to slowly close itself.  
  
Everyone present watched in silence, Kasumi finally breaking the soundlessness.  
  
"What a lovely couple they made," she carefully took a swig from the bottle she was holding.  
__________________________________________  
***********************************************************  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
EPILOGUE  
  
  
Ranma and Akane entered into a forest of their own time.  
  
"Well, be it ever so humble..." the immortal man stated. His wife hopped off his back, and stared at him cautiously.  
  
"Ranma, do you really think it was an accident that we got sent back in time?"  
___________________________________________  
  
  
An unprecedented amount of millennia, ten years, six months previous  
  
"Ranma..." Akane approached Ranma, as he sat on the roof, looking at the stars.  
  
"You wanna clobber me now for earlier?" Ranma was ready for his punishment, what he did was inexcusable even to him.  
  
Akane smiled, "You really were willing to do that... with me?"  
  
"Uh... yeah," Ranma replied cautiously, this wasn't the way he was expecting the conversation to go, which means it could get much more dangerous.  
  
"I saw you got pretty far," Akane sat down next to her fiancée, and stared at the stars with him.  
  
"Well, we, um, didn't get much accomplished before Kodachi showed up," Ranma confessed, blushing furiously.  
  
Akane giggled a bit, before turning serious, "Poor Kodachi, Ukyo and Shampoo shouldn't have done that."  
  
"Well, maybe they're right. They'll probably give her back once she got on their nerves," both youths went into laughing fits that lasted for a few moments. Once they calmed down, Akane turned back to Ranma, once again serious.  
  
"Ranma, I'm sorry that you didn't, you know..."  
  
Ranma looked at Akane with a pole axed expression, she was... apologizing for him being unfaithful.  
  
"And if you're... you know... disappointed. Would you, um, like to... dosomething?" Akane asked the last part quickly, blushing just as bad as Ranma.  
  
Ranma managed to digest what his fiancée just offered, and found himself grinning. Inside, a seed of confidence began to blossom.  
___________________________________________  
  
"Accident my ASS!" Ranma stated firmly, "There was a damn good reason we were there, I just can't put my finger on it.  
  
Akane nodded solemnly, there was just too much of a coincidence they got sent back to where they had first met.  
___________________________________________  
  
An uncounted number of millennia, Ten years, five months, four days previous  
  
"No way.... not... by.. Femboy....." Tarou thought, as he collapsed into unconsciousness. Ranma stood over the massive beast form, grinning. Ever since his battle with his future self, he had felt strength far beyond his previous limits. His confidence was steadily growing, and it had allowed him to defeat Tarou soundly.  
____________________________________________  
  
"That bastard had something to do with it, and I know he ain't gonna be telling!" Ranma grumbled, overlooking a cliff they happened upon. A now clothed Akane shrugged, as she dangled her feet off the edge.  
  
"I don't think we should dwell on it, it's not gonna get us anywhere.  
_____________________________________________  
  
A lot of millennia, ten years, three months, sixteen days previous  
  
Cologne watched as Ranma almost effortlessly took down Herb. The boy was getting a bit too overconfident; perhaps it was time for her to take him down a few notches. Humility's always good for youth.  
_____________________________________________  
  
"Yeah, we'll find out when it's least convenient," Ranma accepted, and then turned to his wife with a stern look on his face, "Anyhow, we need to discuss your infidelity.  
_____________________________________________  
  
Many thousands of years, nine years, eleven months, fourteen days previous  
  
"I did it, I defeated the Shun Gouki Shiatsu"  
_____________________________________________  
  
Akane turned back to him with a sardonic smirk, "Why, husband dear, are you jealous?"  
_____________________________________________  
  
A long long time ago, four years, two months, twenty-two days previous  
  
"SHIN... MOUKU.... TAKABISHA!!!!!" Ranma shoved his attack at point blank range into the fully developed fire god. Saffron gave a mighty scream as his body was ripped apart from the center  
______________________________________________  
  
Ranma chose not to dignify the inquiry with an answer, giving Akane all the proof she needed, "aww, aren't you sweet?"  
  
"Shut the hell up..." Ranma grumbled under his breath.  
______________________________________________  
  
10^3XN + two years, seven months, four days previous  
  
Happosai finally came to, and stared blankly at his former heir, now grand master of the Anything goes School of Martial Arts, "I... lost."  
_______________________________________________  
  
"Well, if it's any consolation, I did it because I knew it was with you," Ranma raised an eyebrow, not completely buying the line, but not exactly dismissing it.  
  
"Indeed?"  
  
His first reply was a light kiss on his lips. "Indeed," Akane affirmed, before giving her husband a light shove.... right off the cliff.  
  
Akane cheerfully listened to the sounds of her husband bouncing off of rocks and breaking bones, before coming to a stop.  
  
"DAMMIT AKANE! YOU KNOW HOW LONG THIS IS GONNA TAKE TO HEAL?!?" The immortal man shouted back up.  
_______________________________________________  
  
Multiple thousands of years previous  
  
Ranma looked at his black-garbed challenger with a guileless expression, as he dodged and weaved through his attacks....  
  
Another one for the resume.  
_______________________________________________  
  
Within his realm, Death watched his first fight with Ranma over again, grinning to himself. It had really been too easy to manipulate the boy. Not in all his existence had he seen anyone with so much potential, it was just a simple matter of securing it for his services.  
  
"Ranma, my dear avatar, you truly had no idea."  
  
::FUMP!::  
  
Death blinked, then turned towards the source of the sound.  
  
Kodachi dusted herself off, and looked around furiously. One moment she was crashing through the roof of the quaint residence of her dear Ranma-sama, and when she demanded to know the whereabouts of the trollop that seduced her future husband, that foreign food servant with the exotic color hair (no doubt bottled color) pointed her towards a swirling portal that seemed to be shrinking. When she went to investigate, she was double body checked...  
  
Kodachi swore she would repay both the girl with the ridiculously large cooking utensil, and the foreign hussy for their impudence, but first, she needed to return.  
  
"You there, peasant!" Kodachi shouted towards Death. The Grim Reaper's left eye twitched slightly.  
__________________________________________  
__________________________________________  
__________________________________________  
  
To everyone who thought this was just a mindless exercise in wanton violence without a goal or plot in mind....  
  
NYEAH!!!!! 


	14. Prologue for Volume #2

Ranma the Forever Man  
Volume 2 Prologue  
  
  
"Dammit Akane, why did you go and do that for?" the Forever Man asked his wife, wincing after each time he set a bone back in place. It wasn't so much the pain but the tediousness of the task that was getting to him.  
  
"The Romantic tension was getting to me," The eternal girl replied casually. while she idly threw massive bolts of ki into random directions out of boredom. Ranma grumbled about idiotic sociopathic 'K-chans' and their violent habits as he went back to work putting himself back together.  
  
*Ahem*  
  
"Oh, hi!" Akane greeted Death cheerfully, not paying much attention to the irritated frown on his face.  
  
"It seems, when I brought you guys back, you forgot to close the door on you way back here..."  
  
"You were the last one through it," Ranma replied, then gritted his teeth as he realigned his shin.  
  
"That's beside the point," the Grim Reaper stated quickly, "I'm holding you two responsible for this..." Death snapped his fingers, and a portal appeared eight feet in the air from the ground. From it fell a young girl in a gymnast outfit.  
  
Akane's eyes lit up in delight, "Oh WOW!!!! Can I keep it, Ranma?"  
  
"Huh?" her husband replied, not paying attention as he concentrated on adjusting his floating rib, they were such a damned pain when they managed to puncture an organ.  
  
"I promise I'll care for it and feed it properly!"  
  
"Another pet? You remember what happened with the last one, right?" Ranma asked, popping his spine back into proper alignment.  
  
"That was an accident," Akane stated firmly, "how was I to know it couldn't swim?"  
  
"Actually, dogs swim very well usually," Ranma replied, "just not as proficiently in molten rock."  
  
"Details, details."  
  
"Guys, my I get your attention please?" Death asked politely, while keeping one foot on the small of the back of the girl. He already had enough of her from earlier.  
  
"Get OFF of me you wretch! The Black Rose will not stand for this!"  
  
"You're not standing, Miss Black Rose. You're currently squirming under my foot, would you stop it please before I lose my balance?"  
  
"Huh?" Ranma turned around to note whom Death had brought along with him, "where'd she come from?  
  
Akane suddenly went rigid, staring off into space, after a few moments she came back to, "Um, Ranma dear? Something's come up, mind if you take care of Spot for me while I attend to some other business?"  
  
"Spot?" Death and Ranma chorused.  
  
"Yeah! Spot! I'm pretty sure he'll be a good boy while I'm away," Akane went up to the girl under Death's foot and scratched her on the top of her head, "won't you, Spot?" Kodachi attempted to bite Akane's hand off in response, earning her a light smack that buried her head halfway into the ground, "BAD Spot!"  
  
::blink blink::  
  
"Akane darling, first of all, that's a girl..."  
  
"Oh? How can you tell?"  
  
Ranma peered closely at his wife, "You're not INTENTIONALLY playing stupid again, are you?" Ranma already knew the answer to the question, he was rather afraid to be confirmed.  
  
Akane stared back with a guileless expression, "Huh?"  
  
"Dammit, I hate when you give me that look, I can't tell if you're sincere or not."  
  
"On top of that Akane-chan, she consistently refers to herself as Kodachi or the Black Rose," Death added, glaring at the girl on the ground under him, "to the point of irritation I might add."  
  
Kodachi didn't say anything more, having trouble following the peculiar language the trio spoke in. The only one she recognized was that trollop Akane Tendou, who was already deserving of her divine vengeance, as soon as she got from under the oaf that was holding her down and had shown him the err of his ways.  
  
"Spot has less syllables," Akane stated factually, "I gotta run, bye dear, and make sure Spot is well fed while I'm gone!" With that, Akane went over to Ranma and kissed him on the cheek, and then blurred from sight.  
  
"How dare you attempt to keep a Kuno subdued, and rob me of my opportunity to revenge myself on that harl..." Kodachi was cut off by the clump of dirt that ended up in her mouth when she was kicked in the back of the head and rammed into the ground once again.  
  
"Please shut up," Death asked courteously, "I have other obligations myself, I trust she's in good hands until I can figure out what to do with her," the Grim Reaper took his leave shortly after.  
  
Ranma looked at the girl pulling herself off the ground, with an aura burning of indignant fury, "Hi."  
_______________________  
_______________________  
_______________________  
  
Welp, that's it for a while. I just wanted to let you guys know that this is far from finished ^_^ 


	15. Issue #13 Vol #2 'Summoning the Lillith'

Ranma the Forever Man  
Issue #14, Vol #2  
'Summon the Lillith'  
  
  
"Okay, speak your peace, what is it you summoned me for?" demanded a blue spectral woman with long flowing hair. She had no face, yet it she still managed to express irritation and contempt.  
  
"Mother Lillith! We your faithful children have deemed it time to once again bring the world back to your rightful ruling. We only await your grace and blessing," stated a gray haired man with wires attaching from just under his jaw to his shoulders. He wore a cloak with the hood down, which obscured a bit of his light leather body armor that had techno mesh woven into it at various places. As he kneeled, his hand which happened to be a interlaced bundle of wires pulsed and twitched as it received mental commands from it's owner.  
  
"Yes, yes, it is time for my glorious ascension. Far too long have I and my children have been repressed from our rightful place of domination. Now go and make haste, for you have my blessing and my faith."  
  
"Oh yes! Mother! We praise thee, and shall not fail on your grace! Your humble children shall give you this planet as but a meager token of your greatness!!!"  
  
"Yes, yes, now get going, dammit! The less time I have to wander this stinking mud ball without any respect, the better!"  
  
"Oh I agree Mother, we must work fast r to bring you your freedom! It shall be but a small gift of our praise to you!!!"  
  
"Will you just GO, dammit?!?" The ethereal woman growled impatiently.  
  
"Oh, I shall Mother! I will endeavor to make haste so that your glorious return shall come that much faste-IIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" The cloaked man took off running in pain; flames covering his ass as he tried to escape the burning sensation. The spectral woman sighed, and then faded from sight. It wouldn't be too long until she wouldn't have to put up with that silly oaf of a husband of hers. Soon she'll bypass him, and there would be nothing he could do to stop it.  
  
Moments later...  
  
"Okay, what the hell do you little ingrates want this time?" A blue ethereal woman asked impatiently, adjusting her long flowing hair that happened to be a wig.  
  
The woman's expressionless face would have blinked at the absence of no one there, "Hmm, where'd they go?  
_______________________________________________  
  
Kodachi stood up to full height, and then put the back of her hand to her mouth, "OHOHOHOHOOOO, You there decrepit one, tell me where the foul harridan Tendou Akane had spirited herself away to."  
  
Ranma looked at her blankly, "Why?"  
  
Kodachi stumbled at the question, "Why? WHY you ask? The Black Rose of St Hebereke needs not give you her reasons! But if you must know, it is so that I may visit upon her my wrath!"  
  
Ranma turned away from her, patching up various scars on himself from his recent tumble, "She'll be along soon enough, enjoy the peace while you can."  
  
"MY VENGEANCE WILL NOT WAIT!!!!" The gymnast pulled gymnastics ribbon from hiding, and snapped it at the Forever Man's back.  
  
"Hmph," Ranma grunted, still sitting cross-legged as he looked at the ribbon trapped between his index and thumb, examining it with only a slight interest. He let go of the ribbon and went back to his fixing himself up.  
  
"I see you're a leper with at least a small amount of skill," Kodachi commented haughtily.  
  
"And I see you're pretty arrogant for someone who had her face ground in the dirt just a few moments ago," Ranma replied casually, pulling out an elixir to help speed up his healing process, "Gonna need to stop by an alchemists soon, running a bit low."  
  
Kodachi's face burned indignantly at the inattention she was receiving, "YOU... YOU DARE TAKE ME LIGHTLY?!?!? TAKE THIS! RAZOR HOOP!"  
  
Ranma turned around and caught the whoop, then stared at Kodachi curiously, "Where did you get this from?"  
  
"You think I would reveal my masterful techniques to a uncouth peasant as yourself?" The girl asked menacingly, brandishing two gymnastic pins in preparation for battle. Ranma took the whoop and used it to cut the top of the vial off. Once he guzzled the contents down, he stood up and approached the girl. Kodachi gasped as she saw open wounds heal in a matter of moments.  
  
"What else you got in there?" Ranma asked curiously, as he approached Kodachi.  
  
"INSOLENT PERVERT! My feminine charms are for my dear Ran-EEEEEEEKKKK!!!!!!" Kodachi screamed as Ranma pulled away several more pins from the gymnast.  
  
"Hmm, well ain't that sumpth'n?" Ranma enquired, reaching once again for the midnight-haired girl.  
  
"STOP THIS INSTAAAAAAAACCCCKKKK!!!!! HOW DARE YOU TAKE SUCH PERVERTED AC-GET YOUR HAND OUT OF THERE!!!! I REFUSE TO PUT UP WITH THIS INDIGNITAAAAOOOOOOUCH!!!!!!!"  
  
"Hmm, well that must have hurt," Ranma idly commented, holding a baseball bat he had just retrieved from the girl. He went back to trying to find how many weapons the girl had on her person, much to Kodachi's chagrin.  
  
"RANMA! QUIT MOLESTING SPOT!!!!!!" Akane growled, holding her new hammer over the pile of immortal jelly twitching on the ground.  
  
"DaMmid, AkannNne, yyYou knnowwW howW lLlonnNng thissS isD goinNg ddooo te-take tooo EeEal?" Ranma mumbled from the ground.  
  
"Hmph, serves you right, I mean he's my pet for crying out loud! Go get your own pet to molest!" Akane absent-mindedly bent her head away from a spiked club, "Now see what you did? He's all angry!"  
  
"So, Akane Tendou, you return, for you realized it's futile to try attempt to escape my fury?" Kodachi said, attempting to cause the immortal woman bodily injury with spiked clubs.  
  
"Oh, look, honey! Spot's wielding deadly weapons!" Akane chirped as she weaved around the blows casually, "Isn't that just the cutest thing?!?"  
  
"You would dare claim this foul creature AND my darling Ranma-sama? You WICKED, WICKED GIRL!!!" Kodachi increased her already furious pace. Akane giggled as she continued to play with Spot.  
  
"Akane, haven't you noticed that that's the same girl that you faced when we were back in Nerima?" Ranma enquired non-commitally, "and 'he' is a 'she'. And I think her name was Kodachi."  
  
"That's stupid," Akane said condescendingly, "We're not in Nerima anymore, how can I be fighting her now."  
  
Ranma rolled his eyes as he popped joints back together, at least there were no abrasions or contusions to the skin; he would hate to have to use another elixir so soon.  
  
"STAND STILL SO THAT YOU MAY SUCCOMB TO MY UNEVADABLE WRATH!!!!!" Kodachi screamed out, infuriated. Suddenly it seemed like dozens of pins were heading towards Akane at once.  
  
The immortal woman blinked, and caught both of Kodachi's wrists, "Where'd these come from?"  
  
"Been trying to figure that out myself," Ranma commented, looking at the two dozen or so pins scattered over the ground, "I didn't see any sup warping to get them out of weapons space or nothing."  
  
"You two are obviously in awe of my skill. If you submit to me I shall promise to be merciful!" Kodachi started to laugh, but it quickly turned into a screech of indignation.  
  
Akane stared cross-eyed at the gymnast's ball, "I didn't even notice this under Spot's leotard."  
  
"YOU WILL REFRAIN FROM CALLING ME SPOT!!!!" Kodachi screamed in rage, while holding herself in a vain attempt from being violated any further. Akane began to show how much in vain the action was.  
  
Moments later, a thoroughly violated and heavily whimpering Kodachi lay curled up on the ground in a fetal position, her artillery lying all about her.  
  
"Wow, she sure was creative with hiding this stuff," Ranma commented in awe, holding up a chainsaw that Akane had pulled from her.  
  
"Yeah, hard to believe that her tiny little orifices could hold some of this..." Akane held up a shinai between her index and forefinger, looking at it with a bit of disgusted awe, "They really weren't meant to stretch so much."  
  
"Think it just took a lot of practice," Ranma stated, and then looked around, "Well, we can't leave all these laying around..."  
  
"I guess," Akane agreed, "Help me put them back?"  
  
Kodachi stopped her low whine, and her eyes went wide with great fear.  
_______________________________________________  
  
"So, where the hell did you go anyhow?" Ranma asked, while washing his hands in a nearby stream. Some of the things he had to handle just a few minutes ago was just plain unsanitary.  
  
"Family visit," Akane commented idly, bathing herself fully, she had really gotten into cleaning up after 'Spot'. 'Spot' was leaned up against a dead tree, staring off into space like a vacant expression of a broken doll.  
  
Ranma took a few seconds to think of Akane's reply, when he nodded his head in affirmation, "Oh, the Momma's boys."  
  
"HEY!" Akane screamed, "Some of them are girls too!"  
  
"Well, what did the brats want this time?" Ranma asked, using Akane's clothes to dry his hands. A massive red beam of energy slammed into him, knocking the Forever Man through a few trees.  
  
"I dunno," Akane stated with a bit of concern, she pondered it a bit, while standing nude with her arm still raised in the direction her husband disappeared to. She was having difficulty thinking over the sound of water rapidly filling back up where her blast had parted the river in half, and dug a furrow towards her eternal mate. It was strange, the Lillith always considered contact with Akane sacred, and did not do it unless it was something that they considered of importance. Akane usually didn't find it as important as they did, but humored them with her visits. It really annoyed her that she wasted a few precious moments to meet up with no one.  
  
"Hmm, I'm going to have to blast a few villages or something to show my irritation, that's what I'll do, by golly!" Akane decided, and then cheered up. It was now time to teach Spot some new tricks. 


	16. Issue #14 Vol #2 'The Damned'

Ranma the Forever Man  
  
  
  
"No, Ranma, look! Really look! Watch what he can do now!" Akane bounced up and down in front of her husband, trying to get his attention. Ranma gave his wife a cursory glance, and continued past her towards a nearby town.  
  
"Comon, just watch! It's really neat! Hey! Watchhimwatchhimwatchhimwatch..."  
  
"SHUT UP! SHUT-UP!!!" Ranma screamed, his wife finally getting on his last nerves. With a sigh, he gave Akane his full attention, "Okay, what the Hell is it you taught her?"  
  
"Him," Akane corrected with a slight frown.  
  
Ranma grabbed his forehead with his hand, "I'm not stopping again." he turned back around, but stopped when his wife grabbed the back of his vest.  
  
"Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!!!"  
  
"Get...off!!!!" Ranma growled, and then slumped, "okay, what is it that you taught Kodachi?"  
  
"Spot," Akane corrected with a slight frown.  
  
"OH, FOR THE LOVE OF..." Ranma bowed his head in defeat, "Alright, fine, what did you teach 'Spot'?"  
  
"I REFUSE to obey you like some mongrel, you despicable harlot!" Kodachi yelled in distinguished Japanese. Akane ignored what she said of course.  
  
"Roll over, Spot, roll over now."  
  
"Akane Tendou, you will rue the day that you..." Growing irritated, Akane flared her battle aura in a different fashion.  
  
"You break her, you're not getting another one," Ranma commented dryly, starting back on his way, ignoring the cries of Kodachi as she rolled around on the ground, desperately trying to put out the flames she was almost enveloped in.  
  
"That's not fair!" Akane cried out, feeling injustified.  
  
Ranma got over the hill that overlooked the town they were venturing to, and stopped, "WHEW! It's rank up here!"  
  
"That's just your decaying carc..." Akane paused as she reached the top of the hill, "Wow, they're all dead!" The both looked upon the town they were at just prior to their trek into the past. Meat lay everywhere, all of it lifeless.  
  
"Demon horde attack," Ranma commented, "but why in the Hell didn't I feel it?"  
  
"Maybe because it happened within the week or so you were gone from this time plane," Death stated factually, as he stepped into view.  
  
"A whole town, dead..." Akane whispered, "Let's LOOT IT!!!!!" The immortal woman rushed down the hillside with her arms out wide like she was soaring to collect booty.  
  
Kodachi stalked painfully up the hill behind her captures. Sure they seemed to not pay attention to her, but every time she had attempted escape, she received a sore bottom, a stiff talking down, and finally a tearful hug that was coupled with a sad speech of what Akane would do if she ever lost her precious Spot. The last one alone was enough to keep Kodachi close by,  
  
Ranma noticed the girl and that her leotard was now in total ruin, not that it was much to cover her in the first place, and the burns and abrasions on her. With a grunt he tossed the girl a vial.  
  
"Drink this, it'll get rid of all those wounds without leaving scars," Kodachi caught the vial and looked curiously at it.  
  
"Is this like the one you imbibed some time ago? The one that completely rejuvenated you?" Death was about to comment to Ranma about giving her the elixir, but held his tongue.  
  
"A weaker version," Ranma corrected, "but effective enough in your case." Kodachi nodded, and pulled out the vial stopper and began to guzzle it down. Ranma blinked at the way she ravished its contents, "I'm guessing you're also hungry..."  
  
"I am a little peckish, that witch Tendou Akane ignores my demands for sustenance!" Ranma idly unsheathed his sword, causing the gymnast to step back, and swatted a ball of red energy that was heading for Kodachi away.  
  
"I HEARD that!" Shouted Akane from somewhere in the town. Ranma put away his sword, and tossed Kodachi a cloak and a cloth mask soaked in some sort of light perfume.  
  
"Wear these, your clothing isn't doing you any good, and the stench in town is going to only get stronger the closer you get. We'll pick up some food along with other supplies while we're there."  
  
"Tha-thank you..." Kodachi replied, a bit surprised at the courtesy the leper before her was granting her, she looked into his eyes before he turned away, and gasped. They were harder, but she would know them anywhere...  
  
"Ran...ma?"  
  
"Hmm?" the immortal man turned around with a curious look. Kodachi's mouth opened and closed as she tried to say something, anything. Ranma grunted, and started down the hill, "Come on, the faster we get down there, the faster you'll get some food down ya."  
  
Death turned away, and vanished, leaving Kodachi to stare after the man she loved.  
_______________________________________  
  
"Ooh! Lookie! Lookie! It's still here!" Akane squealed with delight, pointing to where she signed her name on the side of a building in one of her victim's blood.  
  
"Yeah, that's nice, Akane," Ranma commented, half heartedly, there was something wrong with the way things looked, "I don't think anyone would have had the time to scrub it off, what with them all being busy dead and all."  
  
"What's wrong with you?" Akane asked curiously, "They all got off-ed by that demon hoard we didn't finish killing, get over it already!"  
  
"That's it," Ranma countered, "They weren't"  
  
"Huh?" Akane asked; staring the head she had in her hand right into the eye, "Hey! I can see his brain!"  
  
"Shouldn't you be taking care of 'Spot'?" Ranma attempted to change the subject, gesturing his head over towards where Kodachi was dry heaving repeatedly.  
  
"He'll be fine," Akane replied, unconcerned, "What you mean 'they weren't'? They all look pretty dead to... ew... me" Akane scraped the carnage at the bottom of her shoe off on the side of the building. She was going to be tracking this all over the place now, "I need to get some toilet paper from someone here..."  
  
"Well, there's too much meat left around. You know demon hordes hardly ever leave any food around, since they don't eat that often. But then again, you aren't even paying attention to me, are you Akane?" Ranma stated a bit irritated as he surveyed the area around him.  
  
"Hey! Anyone around here got any toilet paper to lend me?" Akane cried out, trying to get someone's attention. She didn't want to break into someone's home; she'll track blood and guts where she stepped. That was just plain rude.  
  
"Who, who could have committed such.. *urp*! Such an atrocity?" Kodachi finally managed to say, fighting to keep herself from hacking up any internal organs.  
  
"Put your mask back on, and the smell won't bother you as much. And I don't know who did this, but it's not really my concern."  
  
"Wha-what?" Kodachi whispered in disbelief, "But Ranma-Sama..."  
  
Ranma jerked, and then turned back to Kodachi, "I don't recall any time when you coulda gotten my name..."  
  
"I.. I know who you are, despite your appearance," Kodachi replied, "You are my Ranma-sama..." She took a hesitant step towards Ranma, the cloak he had given her swayed slightly with her grace.  
  
The Forever Man narrowed his eyes at her in irritation, and then turned away without a sound, "You still hungry? There's a tavern up ahead, I feel like a hard one myself."  
  
"But Ranma..." Kodachi was cut off, as Ranma turned quickly towards her, and grabbed her harshly by the shoulders.  
  
"CUT...IT...OUT!" Ranma growled, sending shivers of fear through Kodachi.  
  
"What, what happened to you..." she asked fearfully, "For that matter, where are we?"   
  
"A lot happened to me, that's what," Ranma said mirthlessly, "And we're in your future, how far? Heh..." Ranma's grin lacked the same mirth that the tone of his voice did, his eyes flashed hard, "I forgot."  
  
Kodachi could see in his eyes that it was the truth, not because they held no lie, but because they reflected the soul of a man who couldn't find a reason to lie, that had been beaten down repeatedly, and now just existed for something less than life's sake.  
  
"Kami..." Kodachi whispered in genuine concern, what type of future is this? A future where the most valiant man she had ever known no longer had hope, where even the admitantly vibrant Akane Tendou had been driven to base madness. What was to become of her if she remained?  
  
"Hey Ranma, guess what, I..." Akane stopped at the sight of the two facing each other, and her own face went blank of emotion. Ranma turned towards his wife, and caught the slight flicker of her eyes from him to Kodachi back to him. It was instantaneous, and Akane went back into her cheerfully mad and oblivious innocent expression again, "We're loaded now! Check out all this loot!" Akane held out a chest full of valuable trinkets.  
  
"Hmph," Ranma turned away from the gymnast again, "The Gods don't fucking care." With that, he started walking towards the tavern. Kodachi glanced nervously towards Akane, who shrugged guilelessly.  
  
"He's moody, it's his time of the month," Akane turned away, not allowing Kodachi to see the way her face tightened, and went back to gathering anything of value and supplies. Kodachi looked between the two retreating figures, and made a decision on which one to follow.  
  
Akane stopped, when she heard Kodachi's footfalls heading away from her, and then after a moment's pause, the immortal woman walked faster in the direction she was heading with more force.  
_______________________________________  
  
Death watched Akane rush off, having little more than an idea that she was angry. That wasn't good. The girl held too much power in this world, and with what that was coming soon, for her to be angry was less than ideal.   
  
The Grim Reaper sighed; he'll just have to let things play out as they are. Events evolved around his chosen avatar and his mate, so he couldn't directly interfere. Because of that, everything may suffer.  
  
"Husband, you are so easily predictable," stated a long raven-haired woman seeming to be in her mid twenties, as she watched Death vanish, the concern for Akane apparent on his face. 


	17. Issue #15 Vol #2 'K-Chan'

Ranma the Forever Man  
  
  
Kodachi looked between her two captures. Akane skipped along merrily, taking the time occasionally to stomp a bug, or squirrel, while Ranma seemed to be brooding more than usual. Kodachi approached Ranma to see ask what was on his mind.  
  
::SLING!!!"  
::FUMP!!!::  
  
"AHA! GOT YA!" Akane exclaimed in victory, Ranma turned a disapproving eye towards his wife.  
  
"Akane, don't you think that was a bit overkill?" the Forever Man enquired, pointing to the ebony sword she used on a poor beetle. Akane shrugged, and willed her favorite weapon away. The gymnast was unnerved by the seemingly random act, making her forget about approaching Ranma any closer, "Ranma-sama, is there a problem?"  
  
"No, there ain't no damn problem," Ranma growled, causing the young girl to take a step back. As much as it galled her, she would have to gather information from another source.  
  
"Tendou Akane! I would have answers!" Kodachi commanded the seemingly young girl skipping ahead of her.  
  
"Hmm? What is it, Spot?" the gymnast jumped at the feeling of someone petting her head, and swiveled to meet Akane, who was now standing behind her.  
  
Regaining her composure, Kodachi started again, "I would know what is going on, and what is wrong with Ranma-Sama."  
  
"Ranma...sama?" Akane whispered under her breath, but then seemed to shake it off, "I dunno."  
  
"You don't know?" Kodachi repeated in haughty irritation, "We had just left a town that had been annialated of its peoples, surely you may have a slight idea of what had happened."  
  
Akane just shrugged and stared back innocently. That was the last straw for Kodachi.  
  
"DAMN YOU! HOW CAN YOU BE SO CAVALIER? WE HAD NOT BUT MORE THAN A FEW HOURS AGO HAPPENED UPON A TOWN OCCUPIED OF *DEAD*!!!"  
  
"Yeah, sucks to be them!" Akane replied with a jovial tone, Kodachi's stomach overturned at the immortal woman's attitude.  
  
"Ew..." Akane twisted her nose up at the sight.  
  
"What's wrong with her now," an annoyed immortal man enquired, all these stops they were forcing him to make...  
  
"Spot's not feeling well..." Akane replied with, could it be... 'genuine' concern?  
  
"Told you the meat was rancid." Ranma quipped, smugly. Well, tell her to..."  
  
"Him," Akane corrected with a slight frown.  
  
Ranma rolled his eyes, "Tell 'him' to walk it off."  
  
"You... sicken me, Tendou-san," Kodachi growled, wiping the mess left on her face with the back of her hand, her eyes watering "I knew you were of low-breed, but to show such... indifference to the deaths of hundreds of people whose flesh had been left to bake in this horrid climate; Not even the most callous of beasts could be so unfeeling. I have only been here for but a day, and I already feel that I cannot take the sight of you any longer." Kodachi looked around her, "Or of this horrid world." The gymnast bowed her head, not allowing her two captives to so see her weak tears, the fear that now decorates her face; the reality of her situation was breaking through to her, "I want... I want to go home."  
  
Though what the young girl had last said was so low in volume, neither missed it. Ranma looked at Kodachi with a bit of surprise, and then glared back at a seemingly oblivious Akane, it was so subtle that even he was missing it. He had just thought that it was his wife's usual madness. The Forever Man walked past his spouse, ignoring the surprised expression she had on her face, which was only for Kodachi's benefit he knew, and helped the pony tailed girl to her knees.  
_______________________________  
  
Two women ran through the dead forest, trying to outrun their inhuman pursuers. Neither could possibly have a chance for survival.  
  
With a gasp, the blond haired woman tripped, succumbing to the thick-armed demons that swarmed around her. The long raven-haired woman stopped, and backed tightly against the tree, hearing the awful cries as her companion was torn asunder by famished beasts.  
_______________________________  
  
"AAAAAAAH! SHIT!!!!" Ranma cried out, dropping Kodachi back onto the ground. The young girl quickly picked herself back up and attempted to dote on Ranma.  
  
"What is it? What ails you?"  
  
Without a word, Ranma seemed to blink out; the only sign that he left was the wind that came from the air displacing his original location.  
  
"Where...?" Kodachi started. Akane just gestured to the footprints her husband left behind.  
_______________________________  
  
::SPLOSH!::  
  
The first Demon that was slowly approaching the fear struck woman exploded into a brilliant display of gore, followed closely by a second.  
  
"DAMMIT! YOU BASTARDS HAVE *ANY* IDEA HOW MUCH THAT FUCKING HURT?!? CAN'T YOU HAVE THE DAMN COMMON COURTESY TO KILL THEM PAINLESSLY???" Ranma yelled, trying to make this as messy as he possibly could. The woman quickly turned her head away, in order to keep the purple blood from splattering onto the front of her face. By the second she looked back, Ranma stood with his arms drooped, holding his family dual katanas, panting heavily, "And let that be a lesson to you!"  
  
With a loud wail, the woman threw herself at Ranma. He knew the drill, just some like reassuring that she will live, at least until Akane happened upon the scene.  
  
"That's enough, K-chan..."  
  
Ranma blinked, and turned to see his wife's cold and calm expression, and then looked down at the smirking woman that slowly pulled herself from his arms.  
  
"Hello, big Sis..."  
_______________________________  
  
The Grim Reaper looked at his scrying orb with an exasperated expression. Here he had hoped to sit back and view the antics of his favorite couple. It seemed like it was going to be an angst episode.  
  
It was right up to the part when Ranma happened upon a woman running from her life, and after a dashing rescue at the last moment, the startling revelation that the girl happened to be Akane's long lost sister that they thought to be dead but happened not to be (though he wasn't surprised that she wasn't dead, these scripts sometimes get so contrived).  
  
"We're sorry, but the following broadcast has been interrupted due to technical difficulties"  
  
Only a few people had the ability to do this to his scrying orb of infinite. He only had to guess once.  
  
Ranma was right, dogs made for much better companionship, yes they did.  
_______________________________  
  
Ranma's aura flared up, "Keiko..."  
  
"Oh, is that big sharp sword your intending to impale me with, or are you just happy to see me?" Akane's sister looked much like her sibling, except for several years older in appearance, a sharper face, and more developed in the chest. She grinned like cat as she backed away from the enraged Forever Man.  
  
Ranma didn't answer, instead choosing to blur into motion. Unfortunately, Keiko was that much faster.  
  
"WHERE... IS SHE?!?" Ranma pivoted, looking for his target with an almost frenzied zealous.  
  
"You're overreacting again, Ranma," Akane stated calmly.  
  
"SHE! DIE! KILL BADLY!!!" Ranma stalked around like a maddened predator.  
  
"Ranma, you know I can't let you harm her." Ranma didn't pay attention, as he sniffed the air for her scent.  
  
"Oh, Sis! Save me!" Keiko reappeared behind her older sibling and tried to cower behind the immortal woman that was a head shorter than her. Kodachi gasped for breath as she happened upon the scene, eight miles in full sprint to keep up with the two had left her a bit breathless.  
  
"Please, Ranma, just calm down," Akane pleaded, looking calmer than anyone had seen her as of late.  
  
"Move... aside," Ranma said with equal cold calm, talking towards the two sisters with undisguised malice.  
  
"Ranma, I'm warning you, stop," Akane put her arm across her sister in protection, and used it to pull her further behind herself. "Please, don't make me..." Akane said in a very soft and pleading voice.  
  
Ranma narrowed his eyes, and rushed forward with his blade aimed right for the taller girl's skull. Behind Akane, the long haired woman smirked, making no move to protect herself.  
  
::KLANG!!!::  
  
Akane stared with stony eyes back at her husband, as she held her husband's sword just a few inches away from Keiko's smiling face. She parried it off to the side and stood on guard for her sister.  
  
"Akane, dear, are we about to have a 'discussion'?" Ranma asked in a whimsical tone.  
  
Akane's tone was as hard as her ebony blade, "Why yes, husband dear, I believe we are."  
  
Both parties blurred, dust and dirt from where they were standing kicking up at almost the exact moment a crimson and white swirling sphere exploded outward from halfway betwixt them. 


	18. Issue #16 Vol #2 'Domestic Dispute'

Ranma the Forever Man  
  
  
  
Kodachi sat up, and gasped. Nothing was standing, leaving a clearing full of overturned trees, at the center of it, a large swirling ball of blood red and blinding white ki about as large as good sized house pulsated, "What is that?"  
  
"FIGHT FIGHT EVERYBODY FIGHT! IF AKANE DOESN'T WIN, WE ALL JUMP IN!" K-chan shouted while jumping up and down in cheer. Kodachi let the bead of sweat drip down her face as she watched the spectacle.  
___________________________________  
  
Both Ranma and Akane held their swords in lock against each other, staring into one another's stone hard faces. Their strength warred with each other as well as their wills, attempting to overwhelm the other upon the start of the match.  
  
Ranma grit his teeth together, and began to put more effort into the clench. If he had time to think, he would wonder why his wife was opposing him so strongly; Akane knew what would happen if they let her sister live. As it was, he had to put all his focus on his opponent.  
  
Akane felt Ranma start to overpower her, and pulsed with psionic energy to break the lock up. Both opponents were sent sliding away by the force; kicking up trees, hills, and dirt that got in their way. Ranma skidded back with his sword low in a two handed grip, while Akane slid sideways with her left side forward, with her sword held to her right in a relaxed position. They looked at each other from the hundred meter or so distance that was put between them, and on a silent command, vanished from visible sight.  
  
Ranma opened with a horizontal slash that was parried away by Akane. The immortal woman rammed her husband with a left shoulder charge, and then spun around raising her sword in a backhand slash. Ranma recovered from the shove, and reversed the grip on his sword in one hand.  
  
A brilliant ebony and blue flash accompanied a loud clang sound; Ranma landed from doing a half gator over Akane, while his wife went to her knees, clutching her clavicle.  
  
"First blood's yours, dear," Akane complimented with an acidic tongue.  
  
"That coulda been your neck," Ranma stated plainly, "I'm giving you a chance to back down here..."  
  
"You were always a generous husband," the immortal woman replied with no emotion in her voice. Once again she was in his face, and the two began to clash weapons.  
*******************************************  
This was a big one, I had to admit. True, me and 'Kane regularly traded blows, but that was in good, harmless, malicious spite. This time we both had an agenda; I was going to kill Keiko, and Akane was just going to be stubborn about it.  
  
I may be the best ever, but that doesn't mean that the wifey wasn't gonna be stiff competition. She knows how I fight, and I taught her everything I knew at the time I taught her. We both grew in our own tricks, where her madness made her spontaneous, my style grew from unpredictability.  
  
Probably wondering why we're so hostile over this one issue. Well, every married couple has their differences, let's leave it at that. Suffice to say, this fight was going to get more serious than I know I wanted it to be.  
********************************************  
  
"Are they fighting?" Kodachi asked, shielding her eyes and not seeing much beyond the brilliant energy display.  
  
"Well, every loving couple has their moments, it's best not to get involved in domestic disputes," Keiko said wizenedly.  
  
Ranma and Akane's blades moved faster than the visible spectrum; the only sign of their passing were the multitudes of flashes from their clashing, sparks created from the clash of materials and from the conflict in energies of the two swords.  
  
Akane broke away and erected a psionic barrier, in which Ranma glided around to Akane's rear. As the immortal woman expected the attack from her backside, she spun around with a slash about waist height. Ranma stopped her weapon halfway with his blade, rolled behind the range of her weapon, and back fisted her in the face with his free hand. As Akane staggered, Ranma brought his blade around for a horizontal diagonal slash. The immortal woman brought her blade to block, but didn't have the leverage to stay upright. Instead, she rolled backwards, pushing Ranma's blade up so that he was off balance and moving forward, and then shot her foot up into his jaw.  
  
Akane hand sprung away, doubled over, and crossed her arms. Ranma's eyes widened, knowing what was coming up next.  
  
The Forever Man ducked down and rolled under the crescent shaped spiritual attack reinforced by Akane's massive ki reserves and psionic abilities, and stabbed forward. The eternal girl kicked the sword away, and brought her other foot up for a leaping crescent kick. Ranma lifted his arm, and accepted the kick in his ribs. He winced at the pain of two ribs cracking, despite absorbing most of the kinetic force of the blow, and lowered his arm to trap the leg. Ranma twisted, jerking Akane off her feet, and threw her into the air.  
___________________________________________  
  
Two men sat in a small hut within a cozy and prospering village bursting with laughing children and content adults.  
  
"Amazing, Nautis" A blond haired man wearing fine navy blue pants and a robe top whispered in awe, "I cannot believe you managed it!"  
  
"Yes, my life's work has finally born fruit," The slightly balding man with a triangle tattoo on his forehead wearing a similar outfit replied, "With this equation, it is now possible to recreate this world into a Utopia that hadn't existed since the Silver Millennium."  
  
"So, you mean we'll be able to revive the Sailor Scouts to help usher the new era in?" The blonde haired man asked gleefully, he was getting hard just thinking about it, "It was indeed fortunate that you found the final relic of the Moon Kingdom, this fragile crystal pulsing with incredible might." He gestured to the glowing crystal on the table.  
  
"Yes, with it we shall indeed bring back the fabled Sailor Scouts, and men and many women will fall victim to the sight of teenage girls in short skirts, allowing the Sailor Scouts to take control, and preach the message of unity throughout the world," Nautis narrowed his eyes, and grinned, "And with their combined might, we shall rid the world of Lillith and her brood. She will pay dearly for the chaos she has hurled upon us, pay dearly.  
  
Just then, a massive crescent shaped invisible energy blade slammed into the mountain behind the village, which caused the top half of the towering mass to slide down onto the village, killing everyone inhabited within it, and crushing a certain fragile crystal. Energy shot from the crumbled crystal straight into the sky to reach parts of space unknown to never return to the planet origin. Thus ensuring that this scene was totally moot, and that this will never become a Sailor Moon crossover.  
  
Perhaps it was all for the better, anyhow.  
___________________________________________  
  
Akane started to descend down towards her husband, and grimaced at the disadvantage she had. Ranma smiled up at her, also knowing he had her in check.  
  
Ranma leaped into the air, still able to keep bearing, and clashed his blade with his wife's. In one fluid motion, Ranma flipped her under him, and then slammed both feet into her stomach.  
  
Ranma flipped from the deep crater their impact created, and waited for his wife calmly. He wasn't disappointed, as Akane climbed out weary.   
  
"We done here now?" Ranma asked in a cocky voice.  
  
"This... isn't finished yet, Saotome-san."  
********************************************  
  
'Saotome-san'? Oh man, is she ever pissed! Then again, we reached the point of no return the moment she attacked me with one of her more deadly attacks. True I can't die, but that woulda splattered my body across all nine continents. It took a good millennia or so for me to get back together the last time. It looks like it's time to end this soon.  
********************************************  
  
Once final time, they clashed, blades moving like as fluid and as fast as an eternity of oceans squeezed into a space of an instant. Both began to pour everything they had into it; their souls battling on tantric planes of existence, minds combating in the psychic plane, ki warring to dominate the other power. Theirs was a fight so mighty that it was felt by all...  
__________________________________________  
  
Keiko blinked, and then her eyes widened, they were serious about this; she couldn't have realized the lengths Ranma would go. Kodachi was speechless, reveling in the awe and the feeling of reality seeming to warp on a fundamental level, encompassing her in a warm blanket of madness and comfort.  
__________________________________________  
  
Death stopped in his search to find an exit from his realm, having also been sealed in to ensure his non-interference, and went slack jawed.  
__________________________________________  
  
A man looked towards the heavens and smiled, "Mother, you have given us your signal, we shall began again.  
__________________________________________  
  
Akane and Ranma blurred in combat, wisps of their many energies given to the fight bled from them and swirled like glowing mists over a bog. The effect from the outside was fantastic; their battle had taken into the night, yet the area lit up as bright as any day. Neither would back down from this; there would be a conclusion.  
********************************************  
  
I am Ranma...  
********************************************  
  
Ranma began to move a bit faster, Akane grit her teeth and pushed to keep up...  
********************************************  
  
I defeated death...  
********************************************  
  
Akane began to worry at Ranma's sudden burst of power. She knew his limits, and she could meet them. She threw those thoughts to the side, there was too much at stake if Ranma won.  
********************************************  
  
I have walked the earth forever, undefeated...  
********************************************  
  
Ranma put his whole essence into the battle. Akane gasped, and faltered...  
********************************************  
  
I am the greatest  
********************************************  
  
Ranma parried Akane's sword outward, and delivered a diagonal slash across her chest, and a horizontal slash across her stomach  
********************************************  
  
THE GREATEST!  
********************************************  
  
Ranma jerked his blade up, cutting off Akane's hand at the mid forearm, as she tried to bring it back to defend. The immortal woman screamed in pain as Ranma smirked and reheated his sword in a continued motion.  
********************************************  
  
The greatest.  
********************************************  
  
Before his hand even left the hilt, Ranma's eyes went wide, as he looked down to see Akane's ebony blade piercing his stomach. Akane held onto her severed forearm, while it still held the sword. She had taken advantage of her husband's arrogance by spinning around, snagging the severed limb before it got too far away from her, turned in a circle, and stabbed him with it.  
********************************************  
  
She... she used it; she used Soul Swallower on me!  
********************************************  
  
Staring in disbelief at his wife, Ranma let out a scream, as black energy encompassed him, and then was absorbed into the sword. Akane put her severed limb back in its proper place, and concentrated. She sobbed from the pain as her ki fused her arm back to the way it was. Flexing the newly re-attached limb a few times, Akane knelt down to pick up her husband's body. As she lifted it up, she was slowly approached by a grim faced Keiko, and a horrified Kodachi.  
  
With a nod, all four disappeared.  
__________________________________________  
  
They reappeared in a stone temple structure with a high ceiling. In the center lay a stone tomb with a stone bas relief sculpture of Akane sleeping peacefully on top. Keiko and Kodachi remained silent as Akane staggered with her husband's body, and with what little energy she still had, pushed the stone covering of the tomb to the side so that she may lay her Ranma down in the tomb that was once built for her. Keiko approached, and assisted Akane in replacing the slab.  
  
Akane then turned around and grabbed Keiko in a hug, "Oh my goodness Keiko! How've you been?" Akane was jumping up and down and smiling with Keiko like a giddy schoolgirl.  
  
"Like, oh, man! We have *so* much to talk about!" Keiko replied with as much enthusiasm.  
  
Kodachi face faulted at the sight of the two exited girls. 


	19. Issue #17 Vol #2 'Truama Land'

DINGO ATE MY SPELLCHECKER!!!!  
___________________  
___________________  
___________________  
  
Ranma the Forever Man  
  
  
  
"Look at you! You're just so all grown up now!" Akane cheered, hugging her little sister.  
  
"Yeah, I hit my growth spurt finally! And look! They're huge!" Keiko stuck her chest out for her sister's inspection.  
  
"Uh, that's, um, nice," Akane replied, alternating between embarrasment that her's was smaller than her younger sister's, and fascination with the older looking woman's swell.  
  
"You... you killed him!" Kodachi whispered in shock. Once again reality had been warped around her, and she was having difficulty adjusting. The surrealness of being pulled into another world, and seeing the ebony blade held by that witch Akane Tendou pierce through the man she knew to be her true love Ranma Saotome was amost impossible for her to wrap her mind around.  
  
Akane turned to Kodachi as if she just noticed her, "Oh! Spot! Keiko! This is Spot! Spot, say hello to Keiko!"  
  
"Why are you speaking Japanese?" K-chan asked with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"You just... killed him!"  
  
"She like this all the time?" Keiko asked her sister  
  
"He," Akane corrected with a frown.  
  
"Huh? Spot definatly looks like a girl to me."  
  
"MY NAME IS NOT SPOT!!!!" Kodachi yelled, finding focus for her mind.  
  
"But Akane called you..."  
  
"MY NAME IS KODACHI... KO-DA-CHI!!!!!" The gynmast was up in Keiko's face, screaming now.  
  
"BAD SPOT! BAD!" Akane's hand smacked onto Kodachi's butt, making the girl scream in pain as her hands went back to cover her derrier, "I'm sorry, he gets like this sometimes."  
  
"Pretty bitchy if you ask me, sure it's not a girl?"  
  
"You know? I haven't checked really," Akane mused, while Kodachi rubbed her hands on her backside to quell the pain.  
  
Keiko smiled, then craned her neck to stare at Kodachi's lithe form as she was bent over, "Can I do it for you?"  
  
"You're not planning on molesting my pet, are you?" Akane growled in a threatening manner.  
  
"You're pet? Aren't you kinky, sis!"  
  
Akane rolled her eyes, and decided to change the conversation, "Anyhow, what were you doing out in the open? You know Ranma was going to flip if he saw you again."  
  
"Uhhhhhh... I missed you, sis!" Keiko tried to drive the conversation in another direction.  
  
"Uh uh, answers, now." Akane's voice went hard and unquestionable. Keiko sighed at the tone.  
  
"I got lonely," she whispered quietly, and then turned watering eyes towards her older but younger looking sister, "I didn't... I didn't think it would be a problem, if I promised not to do it again."  
  
Akane cocked her head, deciding her sister was believably upset, "I don't see a problem with it. We'll just have to let Ranma cool down a bit, though."  
  
Kodachi snapped up at the mention of Ranma's name, "HOW DARE YOU SPEAK HIS NAME, MURDERER?"  
  
"She's still on about that?" Keiko sighed in exasperation.  
  
"BAD SPOT!!!" Akane yelled, suddenly behind Kodachi with her hand reddening the gymnast's ass.  
  
"I think she was pretty attached to Ranma," Keiko mused  
  
"He," Akane corrected with a frown, and then perked up, "Wanna see a neat trick?"  
  
"Sure!" Keiko replied cheerfully.  
  
Kodachi stepped back at the nerve-racking gleam in Akane's eyes. The gymnast shivered, and then wrapped her arms around herself in rememberance of where she first saw that look.  
  
"ACK!!! GENTLY!!! GENTLY!!!" Kodachi screamed and Akane went to work, K-chan winced in sympathy.  
____________________________________________  
  
"What the Hell? She actually..." Ranma groaned, as he sat up. He had one bitch of a headache that wouldn't quit, and it got worse when he noticed his surroundings.  
  
"Hell is right," he mumbled, looking at the bright happy looking village houses that were about him. The sky was a brilliant blue that complimented the yellow pavement and the cheery green grass and the cute oversized dandilions that littered the lawns. Dozens of short little people he could barely focus to see their features dressed in retarded looking ancient German style clothing stood around looking at him in awe.  
  
"You killed the witch!" One of the shouted in a voice Ranma already knew was grating his nerves. It got worse.  
  
"He killed the WITCH!" Another one cheered, and soon they were all cheering.   
  
"Ding, dong, the witch is dead. Which old witch? the wicked..."  
  
Ranma pulled out his gun and shot one at random. The cheers stopped immidiatly.  
  
"I hate wasting bullets," the eternal man grumbled as he began to stand up. It didn't take him long find that he had landed on something.  
  
Akane's blank and pained eyes stared lifelessly up at him, as she lay unmoving. Her torso had been caved in, and her legs were bent to the sides at rather painful looking angles. Ranma rolled his eyes, and reset her legs back into position.  
  
"Okay, Akane, time to get up now," He commanded, kicking her in the ribs.  
  
"He kicked the witch's corpse in the ribs!" One of the munchkins shouted.  
  
"He kicked the WITCH!!" Another one cheered.  
  
"DING, dong, the witch is kicked. Which old witch? That twitching bitch. Ding dong, the silly bitch is..."  
  
Ranma reached for his gun, and paused. He rather liked the song at the moment. Feeling in the spirit of things, Ranma kicked Akane's corpse again.  
  
"Wake up sleepy head, the day is made, go grab your spade. Wake up, the silly bitch is dead! She's gone..."  
  
Ranma was grinning madly, as he kept kicking and kicking, then switched to an elbow drop onto the corpse that shattered the pavement below her body.  
  
"Ding dong, merry oh! Sing it high, sing it low! Let them know..."  
  
"Uh, how long do we have to sing this stupid song?" One of the munchkins asked.  
  
"I guess until he's done," another replied, as Ranma climbed onto one of the houses and leaped onto Akane in a flying body press....  
____________________________________________  
  
"So, what do we do next?" Keiko asked, she was anxious to get out and do something with her big sis.  
  
"Dunno, it's gonna be pretty boring without Ranma around," Akane replied, looking down crested. Kodachi was curled up in a fetal position with a blank stare on her face that Akane's sister had just noticed.  
  
"Awww, how cute! She looks like she's just been raped!" Keiko found herself slammed against the wall by her older sister. She gave a nervous gulp before replying, "Um, problem?"  
  
"I don't ever want you speaking about her like that again," Akane growled, still pinning her sister to the side of the tomb with her left arm, while her right hand glowed with energy.  
  
"Uh, sorry?" Keiko stated out loud, and then thought to herself, 'she'?"  
  
"Good," Akane stated with finality, and then dropped her sister.  
  
"I know! How about we go to the land of the drench?"  
  
"Huh? Why would you wanna go there?" Akane asked curiously.  
  
"Comon, when was the last time you were there? I kinda wanna see what the old place looks like!"  
  
"Well, it has been a while," Akane mused, and the brightened to the idea after more consideration, "That sounds like a great idea!"  
  
"Isn't it, though?" Keiko reached over to Kodachi and touched the shivering girl, "Is she supposed to be cold and clammy like this?"  
____________________________________________  
  
Ranma stood with his arms raised in victory, a big grin on his face, and one foot on the red, wet pile of flesh. The Munchkins were turning due green and pale, while trying to continue singing through their nausia.  
  
"Alright now, where the Hell am I? And where can I get a bath?"  
  
"Why, you're in munchkin land!" One of the female munchkins stated. Ranma did a double-take at the munchkin's face, which happened to look like his (hopefully) late wife.  
  
"You're shitt'n me!"  
  
"You're awefully big to pass," The Akane-munchkin replied. The rest chuckled, which drew Ranma's attention.  
  
"AH! WHAT THE FUCK?!?" The Forever Man fell back, crawling away from the site of dozens of munchkins with faces of Akane. Even the male ones had more masculine versions of his wife's face.  
  
"You saved us from the wicked witch, how can we ever repay you!"  
  
"GO THE HELL AWAY!!!" The immortal shouted, trying to will this alcohol induced nightmare away.  
  
"We can't go away! We live here!"  
  
"Then tell me how the Hell *I* get away from *HERE*!"  
  
"Why, you just follow the yellow brick... er, yellow brick and blood stained road..." another munchkin pointed out  
  
"Follow the blood stained road, follow the blood stained road. Follow follow follow follow..."  
  
Ranma shot another one, "Uh, well, thanks for your help, but I think I'll be on my way now." With that, Ranma started on a journey to somewhere *else*.  
  
"Bye byeeeee!" The Akane-munchkins chanted, while waving him good bye.  
  
"Uh, should we have waited for the First Soul to arrive?" One of the Akane-munchkins commented.  
  
"You willing to be the one who stops him?" the one that was addressed enquired, while pointing to the retreating eternal man. 


	20. Issue #18 Vol #2 'Precious Memories'

Ranma the Forever Man  
  
  
  
"Alas, poor Euric, I knew him well," The woman seemingly in her mid-twenties with long raven hair that reached her mid back quoted to the skull she held in her hand.  
  
"Who the Hell is Euric, and why are you carrying around his skull?" Akane asked, while kicking a pile of bones underfoot. Keiko blinked, and then stared intently at the skull.  
  
"Hmm, good question," she replied, tossing it over her shoulder, "Ahhh, doesn't this bring you back?"  
  
"you know? You're pretty fucking morbid," Akane stated with distaste, "Yeah, I remember it like it was... a couple of days ago!" Akane continued cheerfully on, "I guess scenes of ludicrus amounts of violence tend to get branded to your memory."  
  
Kodachi stepped gingerly around the bones of the dead in which she estimated in the millions. If it weren't for the surreal dream-like detachment that she had been experiencing perpetually, her mind would have shut down completely. As it was, she was barely able to maintain what limited (and well limited before her sudden trek into this time period) sanity, "What... what happened here?"  
  
Akane and K-chan blinked, and turned to Kodachi as if she asked a question that everyone knew the answer to, "Huh? Oh, I killed them all."  
  
Kodachi staggered from the casual proclimation that added that much more pressure to her already fractured mind, "Wha.... how.... how could..."  
  
Akane's face darkened, "They called me flat-chested."  
  
Kodachi found something to anchor to in the statement to keep herself from going totally over, "But... Ranma-sama always called you..."  
  
"BAD SPOT! BAD!!!!" Akane yelled, viciously spanking the gynmast that was suddenly over her lap. Keiko flinched with each smack that sounded over the wasteland, and winced in sympathy. She knew how her sister got at times.  
  
Akane finished punishing her pet, she stood her up and looked Kodachi in the eyes, "Now Spot, it upsets Mommy when she has to spank you, ah, ah! Look at me, look at me! Now, I want you to promise you'll behave from now on!" Kodachi's bottom lip quivered from the physical pain and the emotional scars Akane's act was bringing up in her, "Spot? Do you understand?"  
  
Kodachi collapsed into balling onto Akane, who cooed into her pet's ear, while patting her on the back.  
  
"This is getting pretty tedious," Keiko groaned, her sister's pet seemed to have a nervous breakdown every fifteen minutes.  
  
"It's okay, Mommy's sorry," Akane whispered into the gynmast's ear, and then brought her up to face her, "Just remember, Mommy always loves you!" With that, Akane kissed her pet fully on the lips, and Kodachi frose as she felt the other girl's tongue slide into her mouth.  
  
Akane got up, and skipped by her sister, who looked at her with a raised eyebrow, "Do you usually kiss your pets with such vigor?" Akane didn't reply, as she continued on her reminicent sight seeing. K-chan approached Kodachi, who still stood frozen, "Are you alright?"  
  
The other girl's eyes started to become focused, "She... she..." Kodachi started to turn a greenish pallor.  
  
"Big sis really cares about you, just keep that in mind, okay?" Keiko stated, while rubbing the other girl's back to confort her. The older woman looked back towards her sister, who was happily skipping around, and pointing out things to herself, and then quickly turned back to Kodachi and kissed her heavily on the lips. Kodachi turned and even deeper green, as she felt something slither into her mouth.   
  
Keiko developed a cheerful and satisfied expression on her face, and skipped off to catch up with her sister. Kodachi immidiately came out of her stupor, and threw up onto a couple of skulls at her feet. When she noticed what she did, she started to scream, falling backwards, and continued screaming while curled up in a fetal position.  
  
************************  
Funny thing about not knowing where the Hell you are; you never... er... know where the Hell you are. I know for sure this ain't Hell, not that I have been there, cause I haven't. That honor is strictly for the dead types. I envy those ungrateful bastards...  
  
"Where are we going'?" Akane asked me, as she looked around with that cute puzzled forty-two year old expression of hers.  
  
"We're gonna bring you back to life," I replied casually, as if it were not a big deal, though without looking, I could imagine the shocked expression on her almost opaque face.  
  
"Huh? What do you mean, 'bring me back to life?"  
  
"Yup? Ain't that a trip?"  
  
"But... I'm not dead!"  
  
That stopped me cold, I had forgotten that spirits tended not to realize they were dead, "Uh, that's not quite what I meant, really."  
  
"Oh? What did you mean?" my heart leapt at her scrutinizing expression. Over two hundred years has it been since I seen it. I missed it beyond anything my 'accidental' immortality cost me.  
  
"Gods, I missed you."  
  
"Don't dodge the subject, Ranma!" She didn't even enquire why I missed her, which would have been pretty hard to explain to someone who didn't realize they've been dead for two hundred years  
  
"Let's keep going, we have a lot of ground to cover before we meet up with Happosai."  
  
"Happosai?" she enquired with a bit of distaste, "What do you want with that old letch?"  
  
"I just need to talk with him, now come on, we don't have much time."  
  
"I'm getting tired of roaming all over China, when are we going to go back home?" I would not turn back to face her. I couldn't let her see the heart-wrenching agony that crawled onto my face at the question.  
************************  
  
"Oh! Oh! Was this REALLY Ground Zero?" Keiko asked, running around in circles like a hyperactive teenager that had just met their idol in person. Akane stood calmly, until Keiko started to circle her with her arms spread out like she was a gliding bird. Akane huffed, picked up a random skull, and waited for her sister to make another pass...  
  
::CRUNCH::  
  
"Yup! You can still see the shockwave rings, see?" Akane pointed to the waves of rolled ground that spread out from their area.  
  
Keiko got up off her back, and shook her head to clear the cobwebs. "Ooooh! Is this the seal?" K-Chan dusted up the rubble that lay in the center of it all, to reveal a large medallion imbedded into the ground.  
  
"Yup, some of my best work, I have to say," Akane turned away and frowned, "Unfortunately, all for naught."  
  
"Oh well, you win some, you lose some," Keiko looked around, "Say, where's Kodachi?"  
  
"Spot..." Akane corrected with a frown. They both turned towards the screams, as if just noticing them for the first time, "Oh geez, not another one. I'm gonna have to break her of that emotionally collapsing habit of hers, it's just not healthy."  
  
"Thought about more egg in her diet?"  
************************  
  
She was beautiful.  
  
Akane's eyes opened up , but she stayed in her hunched position. Happosai came around, and provided her with a blanket over her shoulders to protect her modesty. With the soft voice I fell in love with when I first met her, she asked, "Where.. where am I?"  
  
I wasn't so sure how to approach Akane, I mean, she wouldn't remember anything past her death. And she was going to be shocked, to say the least, when she saw what body she was in. I didn't expect it myself, though I wasn't prepare'n for anything, really. When the Grimmy apporached me with an offer to ressurect Akane, I jumped at it like no oppurtunity could come around. You don't realize how much someone means to you, until you've lived a couple o' centuries without them.  
  
It wasn't until a few moments earlier that I found out I was doing Death's dirty work again. I ended up working against the clock to bring Akane back to life before the badness happened. With her first breath after ressurection, the evil intent in the air vanished. The magic that was being used for malice, I reworked to be used for more constructive purposes.  
  
"You're in Africa," Happosai answered for me, "Bet you didn't think you'll ever make it to this continent."  
  
"Africa? Why am I here? Last I remember I..."  
  
"It's... a second honeymoon," I interrupted, before she started to attempt to remember things that would not be healthy for her.  
  
"Ra-Ranma? Is that your voice?" Akane asked, "I can't see you? Come out from where you're hiding."  
  
"I... you're not dressed."  
  
"Ranma, m' boy. She's going to have to find out, sooner or later..."  
  
I stepped into the light, so that Akane could have a clear view of what I look like...  
************************  
  
"You know? It so cool to have a big sister like you to look up to!" keiko told the shorter, younger looking girl.  
  
"Yeah, I guess I lived a pretty interesting life," Akane replied, non-chilantly. She then ran towards the pile of bones she made, and flipped into them, sending various parts of the skeletal anatomy flying about.   
  
Keiko soon joined her, and started to backstroke through the small pool of bleached bones, she then spit up a few chips of bone that got into her mouth like a mouthful of water, "If we could just be this carefree forever..."  
  
"So," Akane started, bringing her head back above the pile of bones, "Where to next on this roadtrip?" 


	21. Issue #19 Vol #2 'Everything Changes'

Ranma the Forever Man  
  
  
  
  
  
Ranma almost casually blocked the crescent kick, and then pulled away from the follow up snap kick. He almost haphazardly threw a punch into the face of the purpled cloaked man he was facing, and then twisted to the side away from the horizontal sword swipe. Ranma glanced towards his companion, and grunted in slight agitation.  
  
The Heresy Stalker saw his opponent's attention turned away, and committed a wild horizontal slash to the midsection that would have cut the atrocity down. The sword cut cleanly through the air, while eight right fists from eight different Ranmas standing around him connected heavily.  
  
The Forever Man walked turned unconcernadly from the unconcious fanatic, and strode over to Akane, to observe the fight she was in with another Heresy Stalker. She was holding her own admirably with the short sword she was using to defend herself against the serrated sword she was opposing, but she was still giving a great deal of effort. Her concentration faltered, and she didn't pull her hand back fast enough to avoid the nick in the top of her hand.  
  
"AH!" Akane cried out, as she dropped her weapon, and fell to the ground. Ranma decided that it was time to step in. He caught the descending blade between his index and forefinger, while standing between the zealot and Akane. With his thumb, he slowly and purposely began to break the sword down, piece by piece, and when he got halfway, sent the man flying away with a push kick.  
  
After dealing with the final opponent, Ranma turned and kneeled before the sobbing and cowering Akane, as she kept herself curled up in a tight fetal position. The Forever Man was not sure how to deal with this; Akane was breaking down. He knew she didn't realize he was there, once again retreating into memories of past for protection. It hurt him like nothing ever had before, to see the one he selfishly condemned to his helled existance slowly crumbling.  
  
As he sat there, softly petting Akane's long hair, he thought, not for the first time, and not for the last time, that he should have left her to rest.  
_________________________  
  
"What did you do to him *this* time?" Akane growled, glaring at Keiko accusingly while all the while trying to ignore the gut-wrenching screams from the girl curled up in the shallow pool of red.  
  
"Nothing! I didn't do anything to her!" K-chan placated, "She just freaked out again!"  
  
Akane sighed, and went to jostle Kodachi by the shoulder, which earned her an even louder, horrendous, soul-breaking wail. Akane jolted back, and if Keiko hadn't imagined it, her older sister almost looked... shaken.  
  
"Now, Spot..." Akane started, softly rubbing her 'pet's' arm, "Can you smile for me? Come on, cheer up! It's not that bad!" The raven haired immortal rolled her eyes and walk away a bit, "Now Spot, if you laugh, the world laughs with you. But if you cry I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT YOU LITTLE BITCH!!!!!"  
  
Keiko barely managed to catch her sister in time before she vented on the distraught girl, "Hey, hey! This is sacred ground! Even you wouldn't dare show violence in this area!"  
  
Akane shook her sister off of her, though Keiko would have complied after seeing her sister visibly calm down, "What's so special here, anyhow? There's nothing left in this place but blood."  
  
And lots of it. Kodachi had realized it as soon as they arrived. The acrid copper tang in the air had quickly brought the gymnast to gagging. And when she looked down to find the liquid she was standing ankle-deep in...  
  
"You know?" Keiko started, looking around the Plains of the blood springs, "Aside from your irritatingly screaming pet, "It's actually pretty peaceful here."  
  
"It should be, nothing with a spark of mortal life and sentience would set foot near this area." Akane stomped in a puddle, like a little kid playing after the rain, "The curse here they cast was pretty proficient, I'd say."  
  
"Well, they were kind of desperate to stop you from your 'little' temper tantrum," K-chan chastised in a teasing and wry manner.  
  
"That was a pretty radical solution, though, don't you think?" Akane turned to look into the distance, "Still, they should not have taken what was mine..."  
  
"And what was that?" Keiko asked, curiously. as she slowly walked about, taking the view in or searching out something.  
  
Akane sheepishly scratched the back of her head, trying to recall what she had slaughtered a whole sect of her Lillin trying to recover, "Well, it's no longer important anymore," She replied with a chagrinned chuckle.  
  
"Whatever it was, you expanded enough energy here preserve the blood of the dead here. Novel effect."  
  
"That wasn't my doing," Akane said absently, "Wanna go skinny dipping? I hear these pools are high in mineral content!"  
  
"If you don't mind me for asking, who did you hear this from... Kodachi's voice is starting to get strained."  
  
Akane shrugged, while removing her tunic, "Well... from people. And let him scream, best thing to do with coniption fits."  
  
"That is till they turn blue and die."  
  
Akane didn't answer that, as she dove head first into one of the warm crimson pools, and resurfaced with a refreshed expression, "Heavenly..."  
  
"Ew..." Keiko stated with disgust, "I wouldn't swim nude in these pools! You don't know where they've been!" K-chan's smirk relaxed when her sister finally completely tuned her out, and then whispered under her breath with an amused tone, "Spot? Bitch?" The older looking girl suddenly considered something, "Oh! About the curse here, shouldn't we get Kodachi out of here?"  
  
"HIS NAME'S SPOT!" Keiko imagined Akane saying that with a slight frown.  
_________________________  
  
The Lillin stood victorious over the modest village that put up little resistance. The area was now secure, as their cherished mother requested of them. They had combed the village for the item that was requested. They found it in the mattress that a modest farmer's ancestors had procured several generations ago. The seeking Lillin children found such an obviously older, yet well maintained bedding suspicious, and after much effort put into destroying it, the crisp scroll that was hidden within was brought back out into daylight after several millinia.  
_________________________  
  
Ranma growled, as Akane turned her lips away from him, "What the Hell's a matter with you now?"  
  
Akane didn't answer, instead pulling her arms around her naked body, while staring at the fire listlessly. Ranma got up and pounded the ground with his fist in fustration. Animals in a fifteen mild radius ran away from the tremors that suddenly were produced in their area.  
  
"Dammit, I this is really bothering you!" He accused.  
  
Akane didn't even attempt to disguise the tear that trailed from her cheek. She opened her mouth to reply, but her voice wouldn't come.  
  
"Akane, just let it go, we didn't know what would come of it. It was for the best."  
  
"FOR THE BEST?!?" Akane stood up in her full youthful appearing naked glory, "YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD!"  
  
"WRONG!" Ranma shot back with just as much fury, "A REALIST BASTARD!" He narrowed his eyes, and approached his wife, "What did you think you were going to do? Raise it? Care for it? Come on, we'll outlast the damn brat; it'll be nothing more than a 'distration' to you, a hobby."  
  
"But a... but..." Akane almost crumbled again, feeling the power of Ranma's argument pelting her like megaton blows. She took a deep breath to gather her will, "We, we could have found a way. We could ask Death to do..."  
  
Akane didn't even know her husband had moved, as Ranma's backhand sent Akane skidding on the ground, skinning her back. The pain didn't even register to his wife, as she gingerly touched her busted lip in shock, "Ra... Ranma?"  
  
"Don't you even fucking dare consider something like that," Ranma commanded with cold menace, "Would you dare condemn another innocent life to our own personal Hell?"  
  
"So..." Akane replied with a surreal calm, "It's not a problem to FUCK me over, huh? Take me along for the sheer hell of it?" Akane pulled herself off the ground, and brought her face just inches away from her unflinching husband's, "Well, thanks, you selfish bastard, I know how much your 'love' is truly worth now. And to think, it only took a century or so." With that, Akane turned on her heel, gathered a blanket, and stalked into the woods while wrapping herself with one hand and checking her lip with the other  
  
Ranma stood breathing shallowly in fury, and then fury gave way to despair. To him, the most unfathomable had just happened. Something that he could never consider himself doing before, even after so many years...  
  
He struck Akane. 


	22. Issue #20 Vol#2 'Heir to Conflict'

Ranma the Forever Man  
  
  
  
  
"AKANE!!!!!" Ranma shouted, bringing his blade to parry the strike of one of the Apostles. The Forever Man was finding slight difficulty fighting these opponents as he attempted to climb the spiralling stairs of the tower. They were always waiting and prepared for them. They always had the advantage of the higher level over Ranma. They equaled his technical skill, and knew intimately how he fought. They were more to be more than a match for Ranma, because they were meant to face Ranma.  
  
Ranma weaved his blade around the Apostle, and split it up the middle in half. Without even waiting to see it fall, he ran up the stairs, and ducked a slash for his head. He didn't even bother to face this one, since he was running out of time, and used an ax kick to send his opponent over and behind him. Not too long he came across another Apostle, and the one behind him had also caught up. Ranma spun, and even though it seemed as if he wasn't holding his blade, a ring flashed around him, slicing the two Apostles in half.  
  
"AKANE, STOP!!!!" The Forever Man shouted, despite knowing she wouldn't hear him. Even if she did, she would just ignore him unless he managed to make it to the top of the tower.  
  
"AH! FUCK!" Ranma rolled down the stairs a few steps, picking up his left hand as he did so. The Saotome Honor sword parried another swing aimed for his neck, and Ranma jumped straight up. His foot found placement on the Apostle's head, and kicked backwards with the other one; the force breaking its neck and shoving it down the stairs.  
  
Ranma pocketed his hand, and continued his furious climb up the stairwell. Two black robed Apostles, which Ranma already knew were more deadly than the green robed ones he fought, guarded the exit to the roof.  
  
"Get the Hell outta my way," Ranma growled. The Apostles merely looked at each other with mirthful smirks, and then dove at Ranma. The Forever Man was almost outclassed by the two fighters, barely holding his own against their skill. What made them deadlier than the other Apostles was the fact that not only were they skilled, they had sentience. Not only that...  
  
Ranma grabbed the cloak of one of them, and tossed him into the other. The second one caught his partner, and tossed him back at the Forever Man. The immortal martial artist growled at the face, the face he would have held if he had made it to the age of thirty or so and not been cursed.  
  
The Forever Man bent backwards onto the stairs, parrying the sword thrust, and returning it with a stab to the Ranma-clone's stomach. Without removing his blade, Ranma changed the grip on his sword handle, and threw the corpse back at the other stunned Ranma as hard as he could. It connected, felling them both out the window; Ranma hoped they hadn't gained the ability to fly.  
  
The door of the tower burst outward, just in time for Ranma to see a crimson beam shoot into the air; splitting the sky in two with a blood scar that spread outwards.  
  
The Theurgistic War was now at an end.  
_________________________________  
  
"Hmm, nice town," Akane commented, looking around at the ruins and the people that seemed almost lifeless in their despair. When they spied Akane, their faces displayed an aweful fear, but they did not run, or attack, or anything showing even remote instictual survival techniques.  
  
"Yeah, it's pretty depressing," Keiko commented with a somber expression, "They have the best foam candy here, want to try some?" Akane nodded cheerfully.  
  
"I bet it's nowhere near as good as icecream!"  
  
"Icecream?" Keiko enquired with a puzzled expression. Kodachi staggered around, and then found a wall to lean against. The morbid road trip, ironically, managed to rehinge her back to reality, instead of fracturing it further. As the surreal insanity and death that surrounded her finally pushed through her already fragile psyche, it fused the cracks together, and lost its sooted appearance; like a diamond being compressed into coal. She began to sit down to a corner, and felt a tug on the grimy leotard she wore.  
  
A little girl looked at her with hopeful eyes, and the gymnast attempted to smile for the girl's sakes.  
  
"Um, I'm afraid I cannot understand an iota of your language," Kodachi replied, and then grew chagrinned when she considered that the problem was vice-versa. The girl of about five looked at Kodachi, confused, and spoke again. Kodachi figured the girl wanted her to follow, and rose from her seat. The girl quickly stood up, and took off, turning around every so often to make sure.  
  
"Well, I'm pretty sure it's your fault whatever they're afraid of here, that doesn't mean... you seen Kodachi?"  
  
"His name's Spot," Akane said with a slight frown.  
  
"Whatever. She was just right th-"  
  
Akane brought forth her battle spear, and turned to parry a blow from behind. A complete black shape loomed over her, almost a formless void. It lashed out with a tendril of no light from its body, in which the immortal girl leapt back from, and waved her hand. The thing seemed to implode, as the light around it seemed to impose itself into it, wiping out the black.  
  
"Shadows, how quiant," Akane drolled, turning to swipe her hand at another one approaching from behind.  
  
"AKANE! HELP!" The raven haired immortal turned to find her sister being enveloped in one of the shadows. Once she was fully encased, it began to shrink.  
_________________________________  
  
Ranma thought back whistfully to the times when he and Akane used to travel together. It had been centuries since he laid her to rest... on the nine different continents. He knew she wouldn't stay that way for long, but he hoped that the energy she had gained so long ago would be drained by the effort to pull herself back together. She had gone power mad, and she needed to be stopped at the time.  
  
He sighed to himself, it didn't mean that he didn't miss her any. Why, he could just imagine her youthful face, her beautiful body. Maybe a bit older, and her hair a little longer. Oh yeah, and her breast a bit larger... Wait a minute.  
  
Ranma pulled his sword from its sheath on his back, "Who the Hell are you?"  
_________________________________  
  
Akane grimmaced at the situation, but moved fast. She couldn't wipe it from existance, since Keiko would also be taken with it, "Keiko, try to reach out your hand!"  
  
The lightless glob bulged out towards Akane, and the immortal girl used the blade of her spear to slice it in half. Quickly, Akane used the opening created to stab her weapon into where the stump of Keiko's arm was and where the blackness attempted to merge with it, and then started to glow blue with her aura.  
  
Like water turning to steam, the shadow melted into the air, and dissipated, leaving an extremely irritated and pained Keiko.  
  
"SHIT!! GOD DAMN THAT HURT! COULDN'T YOU FIND ANOTHER WAY TO DO THAT?!?"  
  
Akane shrugged, "sure," and then walked off. Keiko growled, and bent down to pick up her arm that had been severed just above the elbow, nustled between her breasts, a crisp scroll was held, making her temporary sacrifice worth the gambit.  
_________________________________  
  
"I ain't like you," Ranma growled, walking towards Keiko with intense fury. Keiko nervously backed away until her heels were dangling off the edge of a cliff. She stopped in fear; she knew she was pretty durable, and could survive quite a bit, but a fall from this high she didn't want to test her limits.  
  
"Bu-but Ranma," the woman pleaded, "Don't you want to be free of him? He's working you like a pet of some sort! If you would only help me..."  
  
"No..." The Forever Man slowly unsheathed his sword, and held it down to his side, "Now, either jump, or fall in pieces."  
  
"Ranma, be reasonable! Akane would..." The rest of her triad was cut short, as the blood that rushed into her lungs forced any words from her into a gurgle. Ranma pulled his sword out of Keiko's chest, stepped back, and shoved her off the edge with his foot.  
  
He took out a cloth to wipe the blood off his blade, as he watched Keiko's body plunge through the clouds. "Akane isn't even going to know about you," He said solomnly, and then tossed the soiled cloth off the cliff, "Sorry about your wife, but she had it com'n."  
  
Death had just arrived to see Ranma kick Keiko off the edge of the cliff, and nodded somberly, "You, you were correct about her, and I apologise for her existance."  
  
Ranma shrugged, as he resheathed his sword, "Envy can be a dangerous thing, and me and Akane's relationship isn't something to admire." Ranma turned fully to Death, "Next time you're feeling lonely, get a dog." 


	23. Issue 21 Vol 2 'Reason'

Ranma the Forever Man  
  
  
  
"Well," Akane started somberly, "The place sure does look different..."  
  
Ranma-chan shorted, as if she weren't several leagues underwater, "Well, maybe because it's been under the ocean for almost eighty years..."  
  
"Details," Akane replied, as she walked up to the area that apparently was fenced off holy ground. Ranma casually followed her, not really sure of what the visit was for.  
  
"Not that I don't mind spending almost a month on the ocean floor, not as if I had anything better to do, after all, but what posessed you to want to visit here?"  
  
  
Akane turned to look at her husband with a whistful half-smile, "Once in a while, it's nice to return home, Ranma."  
  
"Akane," Ranma replied with rolling eyes, "Nerima hasn't been our home in..."  
  
"This is where it all started, remember? Ranma?" Akane came to a stop before five slabs of concrete, "Here's my grave, you told me about the day you buried me to be with the rest of my family."  
  
"What's this all about?"  
  
"There's where our first child is honored, Ranma. Do you ever wonder what she would have grown into, if I hadn't..."  
  
Ranma put her hand upon Akane's shoulder, "Don't dwell on it, that was a long time ago. Come on, Akane, no point in digging up ghosts..."  
  
"Even after all this time, I miss them," Akane closed her eyes, and if they weren't under water, Ranma would have seen tears, "Kasumi, Nabiki, father, I don't remember my mother at all... your mother and father are buried just over there. We had to move them when your family plot was destroyed, remember that? You said you'd find another one suitable for them..."  
  
"Eh..." Ranma chuckled nervously, "I guess I never got around to it..."  
  
Akane smiled softly at him, "but you did. They're buried with family, Ranma. Our whole family is... they're all..."  
  
Ranma wrapped her arms around Akane, as she truly started to break down, "Let them rest, Akane, nothing we can do for them, now."  
  
Akane shyed out of the embrace, "Ranma, if either of us were to finally..."  
  
"Yeah, I promise I'll bring you back here." Akane nodded in gratitude, before turning back to the stone slabs. She pulled out her ebony bladed sword, and stabbed it into the ground before the middle one, before giving a prayer for the dead, and a prayer to herself and her husband to join them...  
*****************  
So that's where Mom's buried, I have to remember that.  
  
Akane's image faded with the rest of the background, telling me this little show is over. The blood-stained path lit up before me again, branching off into all sorts o' directions and ways. Just as usual, one lit up just a teensiest bit brighter than all 'o the rest of them.  
  
Can't say I'm all that trusting a guy, but I know a hint when I see one. I'm not think'n that all of this is something important, like it's all gonna link up in some big way. The order it's goin' in is all jumbled, probably because of the different directions I'm being lead. Wish those damn Akane-munchkins were around to tell me what the Hell this is all about, or why I'm even doing this in the first place.  
  
The hazy mist is start'n to kick in again... guess it's showtime again.  
__________________  
  
"Ow..." Keiko griped, while blowing on her stump.  
  
"Oh, quit being such a baby," Akane replied, tossing her sister an amber colored vial, "Hold your arm in place, and drink that."  
  
"And how in the Hell am I supposed to do that?" K-chan growled, "If you hadn't noticed YOU CUT OFF MY DAMN ARM!!!"  
  
"You have the other one." Akane snapped back, "Oh, alright, hold your arm..." Akane picked up the vial from the ground, and uncapped it, "Now open wiiiide! Here's comes the birdy! Coo, coo, coo!"  
  
"Quit treating me like a damn child, Ak-ACK!" After Akane emptied the contents into her sister's mouth, Keiko sputtered, and coughed, still keeping her arm in place. "YOU COULD HAVE WARNED ME FIRST!"  
  
"But you looked sooooo cute in your coughing fit! Yess you did! Yes you did!" Akane gleefully pinched the cheeks of her seemingly older sister, earning her a head-butt.  
  
"Knock it off!" Keiko shook out her arm, and flexed it to ensure it was working properly.  
  
"Feeling okay?"  
  
Keiko looked up from her hand, and smiled, "Good as new!"  
  
"Good!" Akane chirped with a bright smile, before diving at her sister, and attempting to grind her head into the dirt road. As the two began to viciously wrestle with each other, those who had still remained when the town was under attack sweated nervously at the sight of their saviors attempting to rip each other apart...  
__________________  
  
Kodachi gasped, and rushed to the young woman of about twenty or so, laying in bed, pale as alibaster, slightly wheezing for her troubles. She dared not touch her, not knowing what brough upon his ailment, and looked to the young girl who brought her here. In that language incomprehensible to Kodachi, the girl seemed to be pleading with her.  
  
"I... I do not know how to help her," Kodachi replied back, feeling helpless before the tearing eyes of the little girl. The gymnast wondered why no one else had come to help this woman, who apparently was either this little girl's mother or elder sister. From her own knowledge of medical science, Kodachi presumed the woman's condition had been for a while.  
  
Firming her resolve, Kodachi pulled out a pair of rubber surgeon's gloves she always keeps handy, and donned them before approaching the woman.  
  
"Stop."  
  
Kodachi's hand was just a scant few centimeters from touching the woman's neck to check her pulse. She turned to find Akane standing in the doorway with a grim expression. Both the raven-haired gymnast and the little girl stared in shock, and a little fear, as she strode to the bed-ridden woman, and placed her own hand upon the woman's chest.  
  
After a few moments, Akane closed her eyes. The little girl, or the older woman wouldn't even know their fates, as Akane brought her other hand up before anyone realized it, and blasted both the little girl and the woman in the bed to oblivion.  
  
There was no blood, no fantastic splatter of gore to rain in all directions, just a dissipation. Still, Kodachi knew, and was beggining to feel what death was like around her.  
  
"Drink this, and dispose of those gloves," Akane handed Kodachi her a swimming gray colored vial, before walking from the small, almost too flimsy hut. With a numbing shock, Kodachi quickly shucked her gloves, and obeyed.  
  
"Akane, what was that..."  
  
"Stay back," Akane warned, walking a bit away from her sister. With a deep breath, Akane surged a fiery hot aura around her for several moments, before exhaling.  
  
Once she gathered herself, Akane turned a baleful glare to her sister, "What's the idea of bringing me to this town?"  
  
"Hmm?" Keiko asked, obliviously.  
  
"I thought the feeling was simply the shadows..." Akane marched off, and called behind her, "We're leaving, now."  
  
Kodachi stepped out of the hut, watching nervously as the girl started heading away.  
__________________  
  
"Mother has recieved her treasure," the gray haired man in a cloak stated. Almost as if recalling a slightly important detail, he turned to look down at the young man who valliantly attempted to stand against him and his brethern, and crushed his throat and popped his head off like a ripened tomato on a vine.  
  
Precariously, he tossed the body towards a heap to join the other valliant men and few women that attempted to drive his forces from their village, along with several who attempted to flee, but never made it. Now that the area was cleansed with blood, and all that was left was for them to await the arrival of their Mother Lillith.   
  
The head of the Lillin looked towards the spiring tower ruins, that rose still into the sky like a Tower of Babel. So long ago, they had been key elements in the scarring of the sky, and the announcement of Magic as the dominant force upon the world. Once again, they will be crucial in their mother's glory.  
  
"Such a lovely sight, although it needs to be fixed up a little..." The man smiled, considering the reason he had killed so many recently.  
__________________  
  
Death sat on his thrown, grumbling as he played with his rubics cube. It wasn't often he had nothing to do, but when it came, he was usually put in a rather irritated mood.  
  
Something finally came to break the monotony, as two figures appeared; a young girl of about five years of age, and a young, but confused woman of about twenty to twenty-five.  
  
"Well, aparently they can get in, but I can't get out," Death griped, "How did you get in here?"  
  
"Akane sent us," the young girl replied, "she told me to tell you something."  
  
"At least I have someone to pick up the slack during my non-volintary haitus," Death grumbled, "Well, state your message..."  
__________________  
  
Keiko and Kodachi caught up with Akane, nervous of the silence between them. After a moment, Akane paused, and snapped her fingers, "Oh yeah, one more thing..."  
  
She raised her hand into the air, and then quickly closed it into a fist. The town they had just left was suddenly enveloped in a burning sphere, that almost instantly collapsed, leaving nothing but ash in its wake.  
  
Akane swooned a bit, as if heavily drained, before she perked up with a smile. She turned to Keiko, "I'm afraid you'll have to find somewhere else to get your foam candy..." 


	24. Issue 22 Vol 2 'Ascending'

Ranma the Forever Man  
'Ascending'  
  
  
"For the last time, Akane," Ranma growled, keeping the Saotome Honor sword poised for a strike, "Give me the damn sword."  
  
Akane stood with soul swallower at ready, keeping herself circling her husband, "I can't do that, Ranma. I need this sword..."  
  
"It's been using you, damn it!" Ranma snapped, "I shoulda saw it a long time ago, when it started to stabilize itself."  
  
"I'm sorry, but I *need* this sword!" Akane pleaded, "I have it under control! I just need to-"  
  
"I won't ask again," Ranma's voice became grave and hard, as he dropped into his most basic stance; the one he used when he was completely serious.  
  
"Ranma," Akane had never faced him when he used this stance, and it frightened her a great deal as to what it meant. Quite a feat, seeing as how she had thought she lost the notion of fear so long ago.  
  
Before even a blink could begin, Ranma was on the extreme offensive, Akane on the losing defensive...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yeah, I remember that fight, one o' the worst I had ever been in. No, not because of any potential of losing, but because I was fighting my own self even harder than I was Akane, and I was losing big time. In the end, when I had the blade poised over her throat, knowing she was just as immortal as I was, and I would only incompacitate her long enough for me to take the damn sword away and hide it; she had to go and close her eyes, and accept what fate was coming to her.  
  
Ever since that one night, the first night I... ever... raised my hand to Akane, I vowed I would never harm her. It was a vow I took so much more seriously than I had even taken my own need for release from life, and up until that moment, I had held it firmly.  
  
In the end, I couldn't do it. Yeah, softie I am sometimes. But even after milliniums upon milliniums, I still loved her. And all we've been through, nothing had served to do more than strengthen my want to protect her, even when I had to protect her from herself.  
  
Long before that, I think I would have told Death to go piss himself, and wander aimlessly, even allowing the occational experience of having to feel someone else's death rattle inside my head causing me all sorts of headaches. Akane had been an anchor through it all, something to focus on, something to fight for...  
  
...something to truly live for...  
  
Hmph, lately, we just don't seem like the same people to each other, anymore. Now, we stay together, more or less probably because we share a common goal, we both just want to die. Is there a relationship in that? Ironically, very much so.  
_________________  
  
Keiko looked over to Akane. Her sister had been silent ever since they left the village, and it was beginning to unnerve her slightly. Mass deaths had never bothered the immortal before, even when by her own hand.  
  
"Akane?"  
  
As if driven out of her thoughts, Akane looked up to her sister. It didn't escape Keiko's notice that she moved ever so slightly closer to Kodachi, placing herself between her other two companions.  
  
"You're brooding about something." Keiko accused to her older sister.  
  
Akane merely waved it off, "Just bored, that's all. All this sightseeing has been fun for a little while, but the novelty's wearing thin."  
  
Keiko pouted, "You don't like spending time with your younger sister?"  
  
Akane sighed in resignation, before taking a step back, incidentally closer to Kodachi. Akane cast her head down, causing her bangs to hide her eyes, "It's all so pointless."  
  
Not knowing what to do, Kodachi put her hand on Akane's shoulder, and felt a peculiar, though pleasant comfort, when Akane looked over to her, and smiled.  
  
"I don't think I'm following," K-chan replied, slightly confused.  
  
Akane sat down on the cracked and dusty ground in a lotus position, while casting her eyes to the sky, "I'm responsible for much of how the world's turned out. I am revered, feared, and everything in between." Kodachi sat down next to Akane on her knees, continuing to offer comfort. "It's still all pointless."  
  
Keiko shrugged, inwardly sensing her opportunity. She kneeled down to the other side of Akane, and looked her directly in the eyes, "I haven't been alive nearly as long as you have, old woman..." Akane failed to give a reaction to the good-humored goading, "but, from what I've learned from you, I always thought the point was that there never was one to begin with."  
  
Akane grew a slight smirk, "I guess you know me pretty well, sister."  
  
"I would like to believe that, sister," Keiko replied, "I'll tell you what? It sounds like we need to refocus ourselves, how about a trip to where everything began again?"  
  
Akane looked at her sister in slight incomprehension, and Kodachi in complete dumbfoundment.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The mists seem different, almost as if I were near the source they were originating from; I'm gonna go out on a limb, and guess that I'm arriving near the end of my journey. Whatever's ahead is gonna tie everything up into one, convoluted, but insightful knot, I'm sure. I have no idea what this is all relating to at the moment, though.  
  
Oh goody, a mountain. How did I know that something was gonna have to make this just a *tad* bit harder for me? Can't I ever just catch a clean break?  
  
Well, guess my grumbling and complaining ain't gonna get me to the bottom, or should I say, top o' this...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Go where?" Akane asked, with an amused and slightly incredulous tone.  
  
"Those towers you started the Therguestic War from," Keiko repeated, though she knew it wasn't necessary, "I haven't been there in a while, and I think you haven't either."  
  
  
Akane looked to Kodachi, and then back to her sister, "I suppose it wouldn't hurt." Akane stood up, "come on, Spot, we have one more sight-seeing tour to go on, then after that, whatever.."  
  
Kodachi didn't even bristle at the name now, just nodded in understanding.  
_________________  
  
From where the towers ended their red mortar and stone, began an etheral white, writhing substance that continued the once ruined towers into their present, sinister glory. The thousands of bodies that lay at the base of each tower had become a pale gray, as they gave their un-elevated souls to the construction of the towers.  
  
The souls continued the towers' structure well past the clouds, using the imprint left from when the Towers had originally been standing as the blueprints as to what the shape and structure should be. It was both a breath-taking, and fear inspiring sight to even the Lillin observing the two Towers building themselves upwards at a leasurly pace. As the white continued, where it met the red would also become as the red mortar and stone, trying to make itself truly complete, once again.  
  
The leader of the Lillin smiled, as it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yeah, for all my belly-ach'n, it didn't take me long to reach the top of this rock hill. Nothing periless about it, in fact, I would even say it wasn't even meant to keep someone like me from climbing it. Probably for something a lil' more frail.  
  
What was at the top kind o' surprised me, though. A fortress of some kind. Like the polite guy I am, I thought I would try entering through the front door. Got a sign over the gate saying 'Tendou Dojo' in that old Japanese language... wonder where I've heard that word 'Tendou' from before...?  
  
The yard inside the gate was a sight; all dead trees and vines, with a drained pond filled with the rotting corpses of a few fish. The stone laden pathway was overturned, kind of sad to see, since I had some inkling that if this place were in pristine condition, it would be a beauty.  
  
The house up ahead looked to be in some sorry shape, just like the yard. The rotting wood floors surprisingly held up, but I'm guess'n it's because of their etheral nature; nutt'n here is natural.  
  
Still didn't stop me from opening the door carefully, though. Almost immidiately, I noticed someone was inside. The soft sobs seemed to come from one who had despaired for too long; it was something I had grown to recognize in my rather abundant lifetime. Still didn't make it easier to hear, though.  
  
"Yo!" Heh, I'm using the same slang my younger counterpart from the past was that I had met not too long ago, it was what was coming back to me most. As soon as my voice trailed off, the sobs stopped.  
  
"RANMA!"  
  
Oh... Merciful... Darkness...  
_________________  
  
As they walked, the winds had become cooler, much too cool for Kodachi's leotard to be of protection. The gymnast gave a shudder from the dry and crisp air that didn't go unnoticed by Akane.  
  
Without a word, The immortal girl stepped to the side of Kodachi, and as if on its own accord, her shadow reached from her, and wrapped Kodachi like a cloak. Akane then pulled her closer with her arm, as Kodachi leaned against her, grateful for the protection against the cold.  
  
Kodachi presumed that Akane pulled her closer because she too was beginning to feel the cold. That was what she believed when she felt Akane shiver.  
  
However, the shiver came from something else entirely, as Akane stroked the sheath of sword swallower on her back. 


	25. Issue 23 Vol 2 'Too Far'

Ranma the Forever Man  
'Too Far'  
  
  
  
Ranma stepped back in quiet shock, as he stared at the person before him. Of anything he had expected to meet, this wasn't one of them.  
  
"Ranma? Ranma is it really you?"  
  
He recalled who she was from his recent trip into the past, but he easily felt the importance of what she once meant to him; the sense of comfort, of motherly affection; it was unmistakable...  
  
"Ka-Kasumi?"  
  
The young lady looked no more than twenty, even amidst her dirty face, unruly hair, and slightly tattered and ruffled clothing. She stood before him, nervously fiddling with her hands, as if awaiting further acknowledgement from someone of high regard.  
  
"What the hell Happened to you?" Ranma asked in a whisper, as he stepped forward, "Why are you here?"  
  
Kasumi immidiately rushed toward Ranma, and wrapped her arms around him, as if he were the only real thing she had ever encountered in millions of years, "Oh Ranma! They won't let me leave! I don't want to be here anymore!"  
  
Tenatively, Ranma enclosed his arms around the girl to comfort her as best he could. As he did so, he noticed that his skin looked fresh as if it were belonging to the living, instead of an animated corpse. He cataloged that for a later time, before speaking to the girl, "Who won't let you leave? Can you tell me?"  
  
"The Dark..." Kasumi sobbed into Ranma's chest.  
_______________________  
  
Kodachi swayed slightly, still unused to the disorientation of their teleporting. She spun around, taking in her surroundings, and noticed the etheral tower behind them. Akane and Keiko had continued looking forward, as they were both more interested in the gathering of robed individuals that suddenly were prostating themselves at their feet.  
  
Akane immidiately frowned, "Lillin."  
  
"Oh! What are they doing here?" K-chan asked with a surprised lilt to her voice.  
  
Kodachi focused on the group of men, confused as to what was going on. She moved closed to Akane, and regardless of being taller, she seemed much smaller in stature than the other girl. The gymnast tapped the immortal girl on her back to get her attention, "Who are they? And where are we?"  
  
Akane didn't turn to address Kodachi, "My children..."  
  
Kodachi's eyebrows raised at the large army, "You've certainly been busy..."  
  
"Get up," Akane commanded with a slight tone of irritation. Kodachi quickly noted the change in her tone in demeanor; the flightiness and maddened air about her disappeared as if it were never there. "What the Hells are you doing here?"  
  
One of them quickly rushed to the fore, and bowed to knee before their proclaimed mother. With the most respectful of tones, he addressed her, "Our great and cherished Mother Lillith! We have accomplished our holy quest that you have tasked us with! It only now requres completion with your ascension, taking your rightful place as the true Lord of all!"  
  
Akane stared hard at the gray haired man, who she believed to be the current leader of the Lillin, "Ascension? What's this about?"  
  
"Ah, Akane-chan..." Keiko tapped her sister on the shoulder, and pointed behind them, "I think they're talking about us climbing that..."  
  
Akane turned to where her sister was pointing, and froze, with all the color draining from her face. Before her, stood the tower. It no longer stood constructed of stone, wood, and cement; Ranma saw to its destruction long ago. It now writhed with the souls of thousands of the unjustly slaughtered, their etheral beings becoming tangible to support physical matter.  
  
"It cannot be..." Akane whispered, before her eyes went blank, and she collapsed forward.  
  
"AKANE-SAMA!" Kodachi yelled, not even realizing what she had just said. All the Lillin gasped, as their patron Goddess and mother faltered.  
  
Keiko was quick to cradle her sister, before she hit the ground. With a frantic voice, she addressed Akane's followers, "QUICKLY! WE MUST BEGIN SOON! EVEN NOW SHE'S GROWING TOO WEAK TO SUSTAIN HERSELF!"  
  
"Oh!" The gray haired man in the techno-mesh leather armor exclaied, "I never realized the urgency! Her children shall dilligantly work towards bringing her to power in haste. It is the task-"  
  
"NOW ALREADY!!!" Keiko shouted, extremely irritated with the long-winded man.  
  
"Oh yes, it is paramount that we are immidiate-"  
  
He was abruptly cut off, by the gory explosion of his head.  
  
"YOU..." Keiko pointed to a random Lillin, a young boy, "You're the leader now!"  
  
"But I..." Keiko raised her hand, as if to fire another blast that felled the previous leader, "I am honored by your annointment, regardless of bypassing heirarchy..." the teenager stated with a now cheerful demeanor. Taking on a tone of authority he didn't really feel, he commanded several of the other Lillin to take their mother's body up to the top of the tower. All of the chosen members groaned at the task at hand, but they didn't want to argue with the scary lady that looked a lot like their Mother.  
  
"Careful with that disk on her back!" Keiko shouted, drawing Kodachi's befuddled attention to what she realized was the seal that Akane had proclaimed to have created.  
_______________________  
  
"What Dark? How long have you been in here?" the Forever Man enquired, starting to feel the anxiety the girl was radiating from herself.  
  
"I don't know! They won't let me know!" Kasumi raised her head, and looked into Ranma's eyes. He could see that her's were just as tortured, tormented as his.   
  
She may have been in here as long as she's been deceased.  
  
"Am I a bad person, Ranma? What did I do to be sent to the Hells?"  
  
"Kasumi... chan..." He found the honorific somehow familiar to say for her, "I promise you that you aren't a bad person, and that this isn't Hell." Hell was nowhere near as dire as this realm of warped and twisted despair was. Of all people, he knew Kasumi didn't deserve this fate.  
  
"Then WHY? WHY AM I HERE?!?" Kasumi shouted in a sudden burst of despairing rage, as she broke away from Ranma, and then collapsing to the ground. Ranma slowly kneeled to her, and once again was hugging her.  
  
"I can't answer tha-" Before Ranma could even finish, the whole ordeal he experienced on the way to where he was suddenly became less of a moot point. One particular point in his journey through his past, when he and Akane were visiting the graves of their families...  
  
When Akane plunged the Soul Swallower into the middle grave.  
  
He could now recall the last battle he had, it was against Akane. He underestimated her, and thought her defeated. And as he resheathed his sword in triumph, she proved to him just how 'defeated' she was. "The sword..." Ranma growled in realization  
  
"Ranma?"  
  
"WERE'RE IN THE DAMN SWORD!!!" Ranma shouted, and in a fit of rage, slammed his fist onto the hall stand next to him, crushing it completely.  
  
"What sword? What are you talking about?" Kasumi asked, confused and frightened, "Ranma, please calm down, you're scaring me!"  
  
Ranma looked back to Kasumi, and cursed himself for causing her alarm. Kasumi looked back at him with eyes of the oppressed meek, "Would you like some tea to help you? I think the water may be running again, if I think about it hard enough. I... I'm sorry I'm not being a proper hostess. I try to clean, but it won't let me, and it.. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm not being a proper hostess, Ranma!"  
  
He gently rubbed her shoulders in order to console the babbling girl, before speaking directly to her, "Kasumi-chan, we're going to get you out of here. You don't belong in here, you got that?" Kasumi looked back with hope in her eyes, possibly the first inkling of the feeling she's experienced since only eternity and death knows. Ranma would have to ask the latter about that, at a later date.  
  
As he brought him and Kasumi to standing, several other things came to mind. Someone, or something intentionally had shown him those specific events on purpose. Some of them still didn't fit into his discovery, and he knew that the revelations from this ordeal were far from over. There was also the question of who his benefactor was, and what it would cost him, in the end.  
_______________________  
  
Kodachi kept pace with Keiko, as they ascended the spiral stairway that seemed to go on forever. She cast an anxious look to the comatose Akane being carried by four men, before addressing her sister, "What happened to Akane? Where are we? What is this all about?"  
  
"Akane's been extremely ill, we're taking her to be helped," Keiko lied, but was little concerned about arousing the mortal's suspicions. Close, she was now so close to fulfilling her objective, and her dear older sister had been oblivious to it all. In just a scant amount of time, nothing would be above her; not Ranma, not Akane, not even her beloved husband, Death.  
  
Kodachi's eyes narrowed at the small smile that appeared on K-chan's lips.  
_______________________  
  
Ranma lead Kasumi by the hand out of the house, and ran to the gate at just enough speed for his rescuee to keep pace.  
  
"And where do you think you're going with her?" a familiar voice asked with wry amusement. Ranma stopped, and looked around for where it was coming from, and stopped at Kasumi's terrified whisper.  
  
"The Dark..." 


	26. Issue 24 Vol 2 'Away with Reasoning'

Ranma the Forever Man  
  
  
"So, did you enjoy your little trip through memory lane?" Akane asked, leaping from the decayed wall around the decrepid facimile of the Tendou Dojo that imprisoned Kasumi.  
  
"I figured out what was going on around here," Ranma replied, bringing his sword out, and holding it down by his side in ready, "That's why you wanted to visit the grave so badly!"  
  
Akane rolled her pitch black eyes, though the action was almost unnoticeable by Ranma, "Well, duh! I needed a soul, one to stablize me. Dear Kasumi was just what I needed."  
  
"Akane, just when I think I've seen you do the most atrocious thing possible, you do something like this."  
  
'Akane' began to chuckle, and then roared in laughter, "Idiot, haven't you been paying attention?"  
  
Ranma's eyes narrowed, as he moved his back closer to Kasumi. He felt the girl behind him clutch tightly to his ribs, before speaking, "You're not Akane..."  
  
"Just a reasonable knock-off," The faux-Akane replied, "In truth, I am what has been quaintly dubbed 'Soul Eater'." Ranma stood stern, ready to make an attack, but remained unmoving. The fake-Akane seemed upset at this, "What? No reaction?"  
  
"Why tell me all this, why the whole thing about the past?" Ranma replied, attempting to get answers, while scouring the area with his sixth sense.  
  
Soul Eater frowned, "It wasn't me. She..." Soul Eater pointed to Kasumi, "has been flooding this place with her despair and her pleas for release since she's been in here. Not that I haven't enjoyed it all, but it happened to trigger that sixth-sense you're currently using to find a way to escape!"  
  
Ranma stopped his search, "Huh?"  
  
"Don't be stupid, this is my domain. You think you can do something like that without my notice? Both factors triggered some sort of reverse-precognition; you mind saught out your past, with my domain giving your vision, for the answers to your current dilemma. Her cries of tortured enduring the battery, your own mind the engine."  
  
"So, you plan on keeping me here, too?" Ranma went into a more aggressive stance, showing his intentions when she gave her answer.  
  
"Sadly, no." the faux-Akane replied, "When your loving wife ran you through, and attempted to rip your soul from your body, imagine my glee at having the tortured soul of an immortal to compliment the golden soul of her sister. There was just one problem."   
  
Soul Eater turned to the side, looking at the barren yard, "You're Immortal. I couldn't separate your soul fully from your body." The faux-Akane sneered, "You've given me quite the indigestion, Ranma, trying to devour your soul. You're free to go." She waved her hand to the side of her, causing the gates to the parody of the Tendou Dojo to open up into the darkness, "Have a nice life, and tell Akane 'thanks for the meal' for me!"  
  
"Ah, much obliged," Ranma replied, as he started for the gates, shaking Kasumi off.  
  
"Ra... Ranma?" Kasumi's voice trembled.  
  
Ranma looked back at her and shrugged, "Sorry, Kasumi, but-"  
  
She didn't even notice she had been suddenly picked up, and was being rushed to the gates in less than a nano-second.  
  
"NO!" Soul Eater was suddenly in front of Ranma, barring his and Kasumi's path, "This wasn't part of the deal."  
  
Ranma didn't reply verbally, instead choosing to answer by the Saotome Honor blade. The gleaming metal slashed through the representation of Soul Eater, tearing her apart like midnight fabric.  
  
Ranma marveled at the ease of which he delt with his advisary, "Well, that was anti-climatic." As soon as he said that, he quickly grabbed Kasumi again, and lept backwards, just in time to miss being stomped on by a massive, black scaled reptilian foot.  
  
"Don't worry, we haven't begun yet," One of the three heads of the Hydra Creature with Ancient Egyptian hyrogliphs down each of its necks roared....  
_____________________  
  
"Lay her there," Keiko ordered. The Lillin that had been carrying the comatose Akane's body set her in the middle of the circle that lay upon the top of the tower. It was a simplistic design; a circle for where the head was to lay, and two circles where the feet were to be layed together.  
  
Akane's unblinking eyes stared upwards, just as her sister began to read aloud the scroll Akane had written long ago. The one that documented the spell that was the catalyst for what came to be known as 'the bleeding of the sky'...  
_____________________  
  
"GET TO THE PORCH, NOW!" Ranma ordered. Kasumi nodded, and ran to safety. Ranma turned, and leapt at Soul Eater with his sword drawn back. The serphent suddenly vanished, just as a familiar black blade came to parry his own.  
  
Ranma blinked, as he was face to face with his own shadow. They both pushed away, while still in the air, and landed in guard across from each other.  
  
"You can avoid all this hassle, just leave the girl here, and you can leave!" A voice that came from everywhere stated in a factual tone.  
  
"She's coming with me," Ranma stated firmly, "And you ain't got what it takes to stop me!"  
  
"Not me, but yourself?" the voice enquired. Ranma's shadow leapt for the attack.  
_____________________  
  
"What... what's going on?" Kodachi asked, as she watched the circle Akane lay in begin to glow red. Keiko had an expression of utter glee on her face, and ordered the Lillin to retreat, lest their lives be forfeit.  
  
Kodachi didn't follow the nervous men, instead shouting at Akane's sister for answers, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO AKANE-SAMA?" All she got was a devious smirk for a reply. Keiko strode for the circle, seemingly unaware of Kodachi pulling out dual gymnastics pins. "YOU WILL NOT DENY ME ANSWERS, NOR WILL I ALLOW YOU TO HARM HER!"  
  
She leapt at K-Chan, and thrust a spiked pin at the eternal woman-s head. Without seeming motion, Keiko knocked the wind out of Kodachi, and allowed her to crumple to the ground on her knees. "This is none of your concern, misplaced one." With that, Keiko stepped into the circle, and straddled her sister's waist.  
_____________________  
  
Ranma found himself pressed harder than he had ever been before. The long, steady sound of metal grinding against metal was actually two swords meeting against each other an infinite amount of times.  
  
Fustrated with the stalemate, Ranma leapt back with a spinning slash. His dark doppleganger leapt back just out of range, before dashing forward with a vertacle slash. Ranma parried high, and attempted a shoulder tackle that was successful, followed by a downward stab to his grounded foe. The shadow swung its blade in an arc, both parrying the sword, and almost slicing Ranma's right foot off.  
  
"Damn, he's smart, too," Ranma grumbled, attempting to come up with some stratagy to beat the shadow.  
_____________________  
  
"Well, sister," Keiko purred, as she looked down upon Akane's face, "For as long as I could remember, I wanted to be just... like... you." Her hands went to pin Akane's shoulders, as she felt the energy rapidly building under the both of them.  
  
"You were the powerful one, the one everyone feared and respected, while I... I merely was your husband's benefactor's boytoy." Keiko blinked at that, "Um, there is a much more simple way of saying that, isn't there? Anyways. I found out that you had a contengency plan, in case anything went wrong with saturating the world with magic; a way to reverse the bleeding of the Sky. You would draw all the magic in the world back into yourself until you found another means of permeating it throughout the planet."  
  
Keiko chuckled, "Dear sister, you have a heart after all, too bad it shall cost you. There was but one flaw that I realized in your spell you wrote over there, not that such an oversight could be a sincere concern, since you never thought you would ever be subdued. If someone were to be atop you, they would be the recepter of all that wonderous might floating through the air, painting the sky crimson, not you."   
  
Keiko felt the thrumming of the might under her; it wasn't long now, "Soon, I will be even more powerful than you, even my husband! Aren't you proud of me, Sis?"  
  
Akane's eyes focused on Keiko, and a dark smile formed on her face, "Sis, you're an idiot..."  
_____________________  
  
Ranma was beginning to wear from the intense battle. It seemed as if they were fighting for years, which he realized was probably partially true. Time was well distorted in this domain, so his perceptions were possibly either skewed, or Soul Eater stacked the odds in its favor by accellerating time for Ranma so that he would eventually even reach his limit.  
  
Of course, Soul Eater's Avatar didn't experience such problems, as it was supplied infinite energy within its domain.  
  
Ranma's mind raced for ways to finally best his opponent. One came to mind... this was *really* gonna hurt...  
  
Ranma parried his doppleganger's blade to the outside, and stepped in close to keep it from being able to break away. At the same time, he was thrusting his sword at the shadow's chest. The doppleganger followed the momentum of it's parried blade into a spin, and ducked down, only managing to get about what would be a half an inch of its skull split. It thrust its own sword towards Ranma's stomach, piercing it right through to the other side.  
  
"RANMA!" Kasumi wailed, as she saw the blade sticking out of Ranma's back. Both fighters were held in their poses for several moments, before Ranma's blade and arms became invisible.  
  
Within moments, the shadow lay in an uncountable amount of pieces on the ground, as Ranma stood, with it's sword still stuck in his stomach.  
  
"KASUMI, HURRY!" The girl didn't have to be told twice, as she rushed to Ranma. The immortal man pulled the sword from his stomach, and cast it aside. They both ignored the blood, as he raced them for the gates.  
  
Ranma felt the tingle across his skin, as his face met the outside of the gates. In his elation, he didn't notice the pieces of the shadow melt into a puddle, that lashed out after him. The blakc tendril lashed onto Kasumi's waist, jerking him from his grasp.  
  
That last thing Ranma recalled, before the whiteness overtook him, was Kasumi's sad and resigned voice, "Thank you, Ranma, for at least trying. Thank you for the gift of seeing you again."  
_____________________  
  
"Did you truly think I didn't notice what you were doing?" Akane snarled at a surprised and confused Keiko. Kodachi looked on, silently cheering the Akane on.  
  
"But... how...?"  
  
"I created the magical seal you're using to hold me, and restrict me from recalling the magic away from you, and back into me! Yes, I made it in case someone as powerful as me," Akane glared pointedly at her sister, "Or someone *like* me had to be subdued, but in your idiocy, you never realized that the seal on my back would be overwhelmed by the amount of magic coursing through this area, right now!"  
  
Akane's expression turned sad, "I wanted to give you the chance. I really did, I was even willing to defy Ranma for you. You and he are the only family I have, it will be a long time before he forgives me, which leaves only you. Why did you betray me?"  
  
Keiko stared angrily down at her sister, "WHY? BECAUSE I'M SICK OF BEING IN YOUR SHADOW! I'M SICK OF BEING A SIMPLE DOPPLEGANGER YOU TREAT LIKE SOME KID SISTER IN A PATRONIZING TONE!!! WHY AM I DOING IT? TO DEFY YOU, TO DEFY DEATH, TO DEFY RANMA, TO DEFY *EVERY*. SINGLE. DAMN THING THAT THE THREE OF YOU HAD SAID TO ME AND DONE TO ME TO KEEP ME UNDER YOUR HEEL!!!!"  
  
"I see," Akane said quietly, before her face became emotionless, "Then you shall learn the folly of your actions, as your 'plan' comes to fruitation..."  
  
Red gave away to blue, as a cyclone of magic correlessed upon the tower...  
_____________________  
  
On the new arctic cap, The frozen ground for four miles deep shattered upwards, giving away to the rage of an immortal. Diamond specs glistened in the black sky; much of it even managing to escape Earth's atmosphere.  
  
Ranma was furious, still high on his anger, even after expelling so much energy. He quickly focused on the direction Akane was in, and used his ground burrow technique for the quickest route between him and her. 


	27. Issue 25 Vol 2 ' In the End'

Ranma the Forever Man  
'The End'  
  
  
  
Kodachi shielded her eyes from the overwhelming redness that was swirling around her like a thick cloud of bloody locusts. As she couldn't see, she feared for Akane's wellbeing, not even questioning why she would have worry for her past rival.  
  
The tower rumbled in the midst of its own personal quake, as the enacted spell retracted the mana from the air, directing it towards one point, one vessel. After what seemed like an eternity to Kodachi, the tempest began to subside. Within, she could make out the shape of someone standing while holding another in their arms. It cleared further, to present Akane supporting her unconcious sister.  
  
The ground beneith them quelled until still, and Kodachi felt it safe to approach, though tenatively, "Akane?"  
  
The eternal girl was focused on the seemingly older woman in her arms with a grim frown, before she was snapped from her contemplation by Kodachi's voice, "Hmm?"  
  
"What... what happened? You-"  
  
Akane smiled a sad smile, "She was overloaded. There was no way she could hold it all, and she's currently paying the price for it." Akane looked up to the night sky, which now was a dark-sickly red, other than the deep crimson, or the atmospheric midnight blue that earth used to hold. "I don't know what's going to happen to her, exept that what she had lost was worse than what she could have possibly gained from it all."  
  
"Overloaded, with what?" Kodachi asked, confused about the whole situation, "You were comatose, she was trying to do something to you and I tried to stop her but..."  
  
Akane walked up to the other girl, and shifted Keiko so her feet were touching the ground, but she was still cradled in Akane's left arm. The immortal reached out to Kodachi's face, and wiped away a tear. Kodachi was surprised to find she had been crying, and presumed it was from the potency of the blow she had been delt by Keiko.  
  
"Thank you," Akane replied with a enough emotion to prove her gratitude. She looked down at her sister's closed eyes, "I didn't know she was so angry with me."  
  
"Akane?"  
  
Akane closed her eyes, before continuing, "She was gathing items that she thought would allow her to best me. I knew she wanted something when we found her, but I hoped that she had changed." Akane smirked down at her sister, "There's a good reason Ranma became hostile with her."  
  
Akane knealed, laying her sister on the ground, and held her left hand on her sister's stomach in a touch of affection, "I wasn't completely positive what her plans were, nor did I know her motives. What confirmed my suspicious was the village we were in earlier. That scroll she was reading from," Akane gestured to the paper laying on the ground, "It was a spell I created for something important. It had a protection spell around it, which would kill everything within a fifty stroke's area if it was tampered with..."  
  
But, everyone in the village was alive," Kodachi argued.  
  
"No, they weren't," Akane replied, firmly, "They were supposed to be dead, I could feel it. Keiko purposely had me... distracted, so that I wouldn't notice. Running off to look for you tipped me off. I..."  
  
Akane stood up, and turned away, "I destroyed the whole town, because they were all already dead. Someone was keeping death at bay."  
  
"Keeping Death at bay?"  
  
Akane nodded, still not turning to Kodachi, "Keiko knew he would interfere with her plans, and decided to lock him in his own home. I'm not sure how she did it, but I sent him the key, along with a message not to interfere until I understood what was going on."  
  
Kodachi saw Akane fold her arms, as she stared off into the distance, "He should know what has been going on, by now. He will be by anytime to pick my sister up."  
  
"Your sister? She tried to kill you!" Kodachi complained, "Why are you so upset about this?"  
  
"She was one of the only two that I could call my family," Akane replied in a sad voice. "I have yet another problem to conclude, and I'm not sure how this one will be rectified."  
  
"Something else? What is it that troubles you so?"  
  
"Excuse me while I put my gameface on," Akane replied with mirth, instead.  
  
Answering Kodachi's question, they both heard a rumble, coming from where the direction Akane was facing. It started to become louder, as if coming closer, threatening to once again collapse the tower the two stood on.  
  
The rumbling was upon them, and a black blur shot up into the air, from where it had been running up the side of the tower. It solidified into a man, somersaulting over both Kodachi and Akane.  
  
Ranma landed, facing away from both, "Akane..."  
  
"What took you so long?" Akane replied in an irritated voice, "I give you an easy task like recovering your soul after having it stripped from your decaying corpse, and you take your damn time with it! Don't you realize we're on a timetable here?"  
  
"How could you?" Ranma asked, in a pleading, angry, and quiet voice, "Speak in Japanese, Kodachi should hear this."  
  
Akane shrugged, still looking over the horizon, but nonetheless, switched languages, "Easy, I just took Soul Swallower, and shoved it into your stomach. Simple one-two action. Simplisticly ingenious, I admit."  
  
"Kasumi." He didn't have to turn around to face his soon to be ex-wife to know how she tensed up.  
  
"Who's that?"  
  
"Don't play fucking games with me, not right now," Ranma turned around, but Kodachi couldn't see his eyes under his bangs, as they were kept shadowed. "She's been in that damn blade for Eternity knows how long."  
  
"H-how?" Akane's voice was somewhat shaken, as if she were holding in the strain of shock.  
  
"You know how." Ranma drew the Saotome Honor Blade, "To actually go as far as to use your own SISTER to sate that damn blade..." Ranma's rising tone suddenly became quiet, "No, she wasn't your sister, she was Akane's sister. Akane, who used to be my wife, before *you* showed up."  
  
Akane whirled around with an angry expression, "What the Hell are you talking about? I'M Akane!"  
  
"No, you're not." Ranma turned around, but still kept his blade out, "Kodachi, let's go."  
  
"Ranma?" Kodachi enquired.  
  
"It's best if you were not with her," Ranma replied in a sad tone, "She has no care for you."  
  
"How can you say that?" Akane almost shouted.  
  
"Because, you were the whole time 'training' 'Spot'. I may not be able to get you all the time, but I know your methods."  
  
"Training me?"  
  
"You're becoming subservant to her, since she's the only familiar thing around that you can grasp onto. That allows her the emotional handle on you. She has been emotionally breaking you down since we found you."  
  
"That's rediculous! I..." Kodachi paused, "I..."  
  
"You're not making sense, Ranma," Akane interjected.  
  
Ranma barely acknowledged her, "'Not making sense'? Is that the best you could come up with?"  
  
"I don't understand, what is this all about?" Kodachi pleaded in her befuddled state, "Someone explain!" The gymnast knealed to the ground, clutching her shoulders. Something was keeping her confused; making it difficult to thing straight.  
  
"I'll tell you everything, once we're away from her." Ranma gestured back to Akane with his sword.  
  
"Ranma, this is going too far," Akane growled, finding herself losing control of an already loose situation. she approached Ranma, quickly contriving an argument for damage control "I know you're upset, but-"  
  
"I don't want to hear it, and don't you dare come near me!"  
  
"Ranma, look at me."  
  
"We've wasted too much time, Kodachi." Ranma used his free arm to lift her up, wrapping it around her waist. He then started towards the edge of the tower.  
  
"Ranma!" Akane's voice was becoming more unstable, "I didn't know! I honestly thought it wouldn't work!" Ranma stopped, so Akane continued, "I... I thought I could use the sword to ressurrect her, it's what the sword was originally for!"  
  
Ranma continued walking, forcing Kodachi with him, "But you eventually figured it out, didn't you? Just like you knew eventually the sword would have to let me go."  
  
"RANMA! JUST LISTEN, PLEASE!"  
  
"Why?" Ranma replied in a casual tone, "This isn't by far the most horrible thing you've done, just the most personal that I can recall." He looked over his shoulder, "This just happens to be the final brick for the wall."  
  
"You're not taking Kodachi from me!" Akane suddenly growled, "If you have ever cared for me, you won't take her from me... you won't leave me again."  
  
Ranma simply released Kodachi, and drew his second sword, one that he knew Akane feared.  
  
"Ex...Excalibur?" Akane stepped back from Ranma, as he turned around, weilding dual blades.  
  
"The outcome of this battle will be different," Ranma suggested, evenly. Akane slacked, dropping Soul Eater to the ground, defeated before there was even a physical confrontation.  
  
"It's time to go, Kodachi," Ranma picked the girl up, careful not to harm her with his weapons, and leapt from the tower.  
  
"RANMA? RANMA!" Akane shouted out to him, but he ignored it. Kodachi attempted to turn around, but Ranma forced her front.  
  
"Keep. Walking."  
  
"But..." Kodachi attempted to argue.  
  
"KEEP... walking." Ranma held the tip of his own blade against her back, "Or so help me, I would rather see you dead, and at peace, than with a monster like her."  
  
"RANMA!!!!"  
  
"Just... keep going," Ranma stated one final time, ignoring Akane's tortured wail. His own voice had become shaky and unstable.  
  
He didn't even look back, as the tower erupted in a spectacular blast, reducing the barrier that held the souls that constructed it in place, and allowing them to elevate to the heavens.  
  
"Keep moving." Kodachi barely heard his whisper, but obeyed.  
  
Amidst the ruin, Akane was on her knees, with her arms wrapped around her. Keiko, Ranma, and Kodachi...  
  
"Don't leave me alone... again," Akane sobbed, unable to bear the anguish that overcame her. Behind her, Death stood with a grim face. He turned, to where he had saved his wife from being battered by both the fall and the rubble.  
  
"To have and to hold, to love and protect, in sickness and health." He turned to Akane one more time, before he and Keiko vanished, "Until Death... do us part."  
_____________________  
_____________________  
Epilogue  
  
  
Kodachi looked out the window of the inn room both she and Ranma were currently sharing, "She's still following us, you know?"  
  
Ranma only grunted, as he laid in bed, "She'll get tired of it."  
  
Kodachi sighed, as she walked to her own bed, "As you said, she brought this upon herself. When is it I shall be able to return home?"  
  
"You can't." Ranma replied in a factual manner.  
  
"What?"  
  
"If you could go home, Death woulda sent you straight there, instead of dropping you into my lap," Ranma continued, "There's probably a way, somewhere, but we can rule out that the way you came here will work."  
  
"I am stranded," Kodachi stated in an emotionless tone, "Then what is to become of me?"  
  
"Whatever you make of yourself," Ranma answered. 


	28. Prologue for Volume 3

Ranma the Forever Man  
Volume 3 Prologue  
  
  
Thirty years since I have last seen Akane.  
  
I cannot say that I miss her, once I realized her for what she truly was. In all my unchanging years, I could not find it within myself to forgive her for what she did to me, to her own sister, to anything and anyone that had the grave misfortune for being of or in the way of her interests. The girl she used to be, the woman she became before her initial death, had been buried under the eons of never-ending torment she had been graced with, leaving a demon that had been caringly incubated within the shell of the girl that was so pure of evil that no force or amount of malice on this sickly planet could ever hope to contend with.  
  
Whenever I look up into the red and dirt-stained sky, I can't help but think of what she had meant to me. Before the coup de gras, I loved her. I would give my eternal soul to her, and for the grace of that bastard, Death himself, I could not tell you why still. It was best we went our separate ways, for the hold she had on me was strong, even after I was made to understand her final nature. It's why I now consistantly carry Excalibur in easy access.   
  
Truly an extravagant weapon, she is. The water-fluid blade and mercurial hilt easily customizes itself to its possessor's wills and needs. In my grasp, she sings to me pledges of her love and loyalty, unwavering to those who were worthy of weilding her. It is a soul-soothing lulliby that quenches my spirit for the lonliness I would actually feel, only able to relate to one other being that I know of in existance. It is more than enough to fill the void of longing ache within me that I believed only two others were capable of filling.  
  
Along with this sweet song comes a nearly overwhelming sensation of gorgeous power; so potent that to taste it would leave one drunk on the opportunities it unveiled. It's truly a danger to keep such a weapon on my person, for fear of it corrupting me entirely as Akane had been corrupted by her immortality.  
  
I understand why Ranma rarely exposed the blade to himself...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The eternally youthful face continued to gaze up at the day sky that swirled with crimson and mud; a sign of the tainted and twisted magic that corrupted the atmosphere after Keiko's ordeal. The hand barely enshrouded within the folds of the cloak grasped the elaborately and ornate hilt of the thin, paperlight blade that twinkled with its own withheld radiance.  
  
The face so pale from its original heritage, coupled with the absense of the sunlight that had once graced it, looked from the sky down to Excalibur. As if hearing the sweetest of nothings whispered by a lover, a slight smile graced the regal facade of Kodachi, Death's Rose. She looked back to the sky, just as the winds about her on the cliff face she stood on began to become more turbulant with an ensuing dust storm in her presence. Just as quickly as it started, it was gone, as well as the immortal girl that had been in its center. 


	29. Issue 1 Vol 3 'Uneventful'

Ranma the Forever Man  
Bored...  
  
When I was younger (much... younger), I used to dream about living forever. Being eternally pretty, maybe a princess or even a goddess, with her own subjects and handsome husband...  
  
How I yearn to return to those days of youth, and vehemantly slap some sense into the idiotic child I once was. Perhaps after succeeding in that task, I would make a detour to my teenage period, and strangle that insufferable laugh from myself.  
  
It's peculiar, the things you consider about your youth when you're over... well, 'not young' anymore.   
  
Oh, to Hell eternal with consideration of my age, I'm old, older than any creature deserved to be.  
  
Why, what an exellent guess, my astute companion I quaintly refer to as my dwindling sanity. Excuse my sarcastic reply, I wouldn't want you to abandon me too much sooner. Yes, I find talking to you like a raving loon humorusly ironic, indeed.  
  
Bored...  
  
At least you're good for conversation. now, where was I? Oh yes, this quiant little triad of how abysmal my life currently is in order to pass the time of having no goal in my never-ending life.  
  
Yes, maybe I should start from the beginning, it would give me more to cover, and more to occupy myself with.  
  
That lout, Ranma, decided to shatter the frail, lingering hope of exiting this madness, by telling me that I most likely would never return to my era, if that insufferable moron, Death, hadn't done it already. I understood Ranma's reasoning, in time; Death, as far as I can surmise, knew of everything to a certain extent. Spacial and temporal displacement nexuses being part of his hobbies. If I couldn't return the way I came, which I couldn't even fathom how that was, he would have found a secondary solution. Death has yet to return my calls on the matter.  
  
Why yes, that was a quaint phrase of my own era. I use those on occasion.  
  
Well, far be it for Death to ever give up. I'm *presuming* he still entertains the thought of finding a way to send me home. Because I'm IMMORTAL, idiot!  
  
Ah, sorry, a bit of a sore spot this subject is with me. Please, be patient.  
  
Anyways, I eventually discovered while I was still under Ranma's ward that I could not age. The bastard apparently already realized this after but a few days, but kept it to himself. My delight at the time (when I travel back in time, I must flagelate my teenage self for such naivity... I wonder what Frued would say about that thought), was swiftly clipped, when I informed my 'darling' (spit) Ranma that we would possibly be together forever...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Great, another wife..." the Forever Man groaned, before drinking from his fermented flower nectar in a vain attempt to get drunk. He was too busy wallowing in his recently re-intsituted self-pity to pay more than fleeting apathetic attention to the girl whose eyebrow was beginning to twitch in a rather irritable manner...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yes, I soon discovered the rather therapeutic and asthetic properties of bludgeoning Ranma with the nearest availible heavy and unorthodox instrument. No wonder Ak...  
  
Akane, there is one that I had not considered in over three hundred years. Even now, her name fills me with a sense of complete betrayal and contempt. She used me, she attempted to break me like some common mutt or beast of burdon, and Gods help me (figure of speech from my era, I now know that there. are. no. gods.), I began to love her, and depend on her for it.  
  
Ranma told me that it was her usual operating proceedure, particularly when she was molding someone into something more of her favor. I shudder to consider what she imagined my psychie should have been.  
  
I'm beginning to find these contemplations too well depressing.  
  
Damn, I'm bored again. If only something would break the boredom of my tireless trek across this...  
  
........  
  
There. Are. No. Gods.  
  
Just morons with more power than they should be weilding, obsessed with making my life miserable.  
_________________________________  
  
"NOW YOU SHALL DIE, ACCURSED WITCH AND ENEMY OF THE MOTHER OF THE AMAZONS!!!" A young woman leapt from the trees down towards the midnight-haired seemingly young woman's back.  
  
"Xian-Pu..." Kodachi groaned, considering imbibing an elixer for the headache that had just arrived. Her left hand rubbed her forehead in expected pressure, as her right hand whizzed about, parrying the young Amazon's sword blows from behind with Excalibur morphed into an elegant blue whip.  
  
Already becoming fustrated with the near innattention being given to her by the proclaimed bane of the Amazons, the Amazon huntress growled, "MY NAME IS 'SHAMPOO', SHAMPOO!! BEFORE I HAVE YOUR HEAD, YOU *WILL* PRONOUNCE IT CORRECTLY!"  
  
"And I've told you prior," Kodachi said with a sigh, "That is the name of a hair-care product of my time, and part of a cruel joke from your supposed Matron 'Saint'."  
  
"IT IS A REVERED NAME OF MY PEOPLE!"  
  
"Of course, sure it is," Kodachi drolled, finally deciding to turn to the girl, while still effortlessly defending against Shampoo's futile attemps, "Xian-Pu, we both realize this is wholly futile. Why don't you accompany me? I would be willing to show you some techniques to improve your skill..." Kodachi looked to the side and half snorted and chuckled, "And I'm becoming rather tired of talking to myself..."  
  
Almost immidiately, Shampoo broke off the exchange, looking at Kodachi wearily, "You want to teach me, regardless the fact that I'm intending to kill you?"  
  
Half-smiling that the girl finally stopped, Kodachi relaxed, "I would consider it a favor if you manage to do so." She noticed the guarded expression still remained, and sighed, "No, unlike Ranma, I don't intend to verse you in bogus forms."  
  
"You're not going to throw me into a pit of wild feline beasts, covered in fragrant meat jerky?" Shampoo asked with a tremble in her voice.  
  
Kodachi rolled her eyes, wondering where that idiot Ranma ever dreamed up such an asinine training regimen, "No, nothing of the sort. Perhaps techniques that I believe even your elders are not aware of. Does that sound satisfactory to you?"  
  
Shampoo visibly relaxed, and nodded, before springing at Kodachi, presuming the woman's guard down. The Black Rose groaned, and delivered an almost casual snap kick to Shampoo's jaw for her troubles that sent her flying from the thick forest.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Great, now I shall have to be bored again.  
  
I was really looking forward to Shampoo's accompaniment. Perhaps it is one of the effects of my addling sanity, but I consider her a good friend. True, she's persistant on slaying me for the preservation of her village (not that I really want to have anything to do with that glut of man-haters), and the honor of their Prime Matron, Akane (all right, so I am guilty of slander on that front), but what's a friendship without its quarks?  
  
Shampoo is rather adorable, and from what I understand, affectionate and loyal to those who earn her trust. It has been a while since I've had physical companionship of any form, thus putting her in a favorable light. Even if she beheld the spitting image of my once-rival.  
  
I guess I'll go look for her, to ensure she only landed on that dense, empty head of hers. I think I can endure the surrupticious sneak attacks from time to time. A journey is twice as light when there is one to walk it with you.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Thousands...  
  
Hundreds of thousand of bodies litter the once bustling city of Tna. The bodies of those who hoped to preserve the citizens, and those who were not able to escape the onslaught visited upon them. The mounds of fresh corpses sporadically decorated the once bright potential metropolis, comprised of both innocent and faulting; of loved ones, the valored, the necessary, and even the innately villianess.  
  
Few ever had even a fleeting of a chance, but the majority...  
  
The gutters ran thick with blood and clogging icor, causing it to spill into a webwork of streams onto the streets; painting the grayish roads the dirty blood-red of the sky. The citie's populace would most assuradly never recover. Any who escaped would never returned to such a damned place, a city that wrought the attention of a demon beyond their understanding and reckoning. A demon that delt death swiftly, brutally, with utter contempt, and without a flicker of remourse. Such atrocity hadn't been seen since the ghost tower and the centuries past slaughter by the Lillith, and even that failed to match on scope.  
  
It dealt death so easily, so efficiently, perfectly.  
  
After all, the demon was Ranma.  
  
The Forever Man  
  
The greatest martial artist in all the histories of the world. 


	30. Issue 2 Vol 3 'Companionship'

Ranma the Forever Man  
Shampoo chest rose a little higher, as she took her first concious breaths of the new morning air. She exhaled, before turning over under the thick covers she didn't recall from anywhere. She hesitated to remove herself from the comfort she was submitted to, regardless of the thin bedding that lay between her and the forest soil, but she knew there was a reason she was out there, away from the familiarity and security of the Amazon village.  
  
Without looking, the lavender-haired girl reached out to her side, finding her cherished family blade; the very one that was said to have been used by the original great warrioress Shampoo to hunt down the red-headed demon that dared mock the mighty Amazon nation. It was given to her family by none other than the matron goddess of the Amazons, Akane, passed along with its story. She instinctively knew it was there, despite not even recalling where she had laid it; it was almost apart of her as any limb that grew from her.  
  
As she brought her weapon to hand, she uttered the vow she gave every morning, that she would be the one that avenges the Goddess Akane wronging by the hands of the evil Black Rose, and the goddess's former husband, the Demon Ranma.  
  
"XIAN PU, PREPARE TO DIE!!!"  
  
"Eep!" the young Amazon warrior leapt from the bed in to a one-handed handspring. It wouldn't help her mission if one of the very demons she had sworn to slay did her in first.  
  
She recovered in a kneel, and was immidiately forced to parry a blitzkrieg of sword strikes that were nearly invisible. The Amazon frantically backed up, while focusing on the blows that were most threatening, and staying out of range of the rest.  
  
Just barely managing to pull away for a split second, Shampoo spun with her sword out, slicing at a thick tree behind her, and one on the other side of her. She turned back to face her aggressor, bursting forth with an exuberance and determination.  
  
Kodachi was momentarily taken off-guard by the girl's sudden offensive, lasting all of two seconds, before she casually returned to parrying sword strikes aimed mainly at her chest and neck.  
  
With a devious smirk, Shampoo suddenly jumped back, as the trees she had sliced began to tumble between her and her opponent. The smirk fell, as Kodachi rolled her eyes, and whipped her weapon in a box pattern. As she did so, it transformed into a whip that held its shape in a square, and holding the trees that threatened to collapse onto her at bay.  
  
Completely surprised by the tactic, Shampoo jumped back, and continued to retreat, just as Kodachi jerked her weapon back, willing it back into a thin Chinese straightsword, and stabbed forward.  
  
Shampoo spun away, holding her chest with her free arm so that she wasn't forced into a smaller breast size, and leapt backwards into a half gator.  
  
Kodachi idly noted the slight flashes that ejected from the Amazon, and her hand flashed out purposefully. She snagged three of the throwing daggers, and allowed the fourth one to harmlessly pass by her head. The Black Rose internally groaned, and went back to her surprise training regimine...  
_______________________  
  
"Your reflexes are adequate; you're no doubt one of Ranma's direct students," Kodachi continued to comment, as she paced around the exhausted Amazon. "Tragically, your stamina is atrocious. Really, four hours of sparring, and you're demanded a break! Shameful..."  
  
Shampoo continued to gulp air, while leaning her back against a tree, and weakly attempting to lift her sword for at least one more attempt as severing the bitche's head from her shoulders. Shampoo mentally vowed to make Kodachi pay for this outrage by doing something particularly unpleasant with the demoness's corpse.  
  
"You're very adaptive to fighting in any instance, as your... unsupported stature had proven. I'm... *very*... impressed!" The last part was said with a suggestive and appreciative leer.  
  
"Eep!" Shampoo had just now realized the lack of clothing, not even recalling when she had shed them last night, or when she even went to sleep.  
  
Kodachi turned, and held out Shampoo's pantsuit before her, "I took the liberty of washing these for you while you were still in slumber. We had managed to get them quite... soiled." The immortal woman favored Shampoo with a languished smile, causing the girl to baulk, and shift to covering her more intimate areas, while slumping to her knees in disbelieving shock.   
  
Kodachi turned away, seeming to muse over something, "I guess that would also explain your current lack of energy, you were rather ravishing the prior night." The raven haired immortal shivered in apparent recollection, "I didn't even suspect you for a screamer. it was such a pleasant surprise!"  
  
Shampoo's mind raced, realizing that the bedding she had awaken in was what she had shared with Kodachi at some point she couldn't recollect. Her concious was barely attentive to the woman as she began to collapse in on herself.  
  
"I think it's best that you spend a few moments in respite, as I collect a delicious meal for my darling little Amazon." With that, Kodachi bent down, and kissed the pole-axed Shampoo on the cheek, "You were terrific last night, Xian Pu. Yours was a conquest most cherished!"  
_______________________  
  
Oh, her expression was priceless! My, for the ability to capture that moment eternally! Of course, I never touched her further than share my comforts with her (though without her notice, but it was rather cold that particular evening, and I hesitate to leave my dear new companion to such climatic intolerances.  
  
Do not mistake my persuasion, as long as I have lived, you tend to find the lines for sexuality horrendously vague in moments of desperate lonliness. And quite frankly, I am lonely.  
  
I may not be as... wizened as Ranma or Akane (for lack of a better word that doesn't become insulting of myself), but I had developed a great and infamous reputation regarding my own admittingly harrowed intentions. My notoriety stemmed greatly from my accompanyment of Ranma, but quite a bit I garnered on my own.  
  
Xian Pu just happened by at a convenient moment. I have one other companion that insists that its love to me is genuine, and I am grateful. My darling Excalibur's gentle whispers constantly carress my psyche to lull away the ever-present danger of madness that never ceases its campaign for my soul, but even it understands my need for love that is earned. Love that is grown from trust and endearment. The love of a friend or lover; that is what I seek.  
_______________________  
_______________________  
  
Kodachi sighed, as she came out of her thoughts, and stood up. Her long, flowing mane of hair done in a ponytail fell to the ground, a victim of Shampoo's stealthy assault. The immortal woman tsked, as her hair quickly grew back to it's original length, while she continued to walk away  
  
"Xian Pu, darling, perhaps you should rest a bit longer before attempting to sneak up on someone. Your breathing is audible enough to grate one's nerves."  
  
Shampoo gulped in air, and stared balefully at her nemesis, "My name... is... Shampoo... and I'll have... your head... in place of my innocence...  
_______________________  
_______________________  
  
A quick glance towards my companion revealed a great deal to me.  
  
Innocent, my slim, delicate ass...  
_______________________  
_______________________  
  
Death, once again, was irritated.  
  
That was something becoming all too common within the last 600 years or so. Having to deal with a mass trafficing of souls from one area tended to tie him up for several days on end.  
  
Really, it wasn't like he had all that much free time to spare, must he be made to suffer, so?  
  
The worst thing about it, it was his own agent causing his predicerment. All kidding aside, some mindless slaughtering of a few dozen people is all good and well, but a whole city?  
  
There were few in the world capable of taking his Forever Man on directly in a fight. He dared not do it himself, as Ranma had grown a lot more powerful battlewise than the Jolly Reaper (he never really had reason to be grim, he enjoyed his job, after all). So, the only option left to him was to find a champion to put his... um... champion back in his place!  
  
Smiling to himself, Death reached over to the rolodex that was suddenly sitting next to him on a marble stand, and started flipping through the 'A' section.  
  
"Akiko, Akemi... Akane, here we-," Death frowned, as he read the card, "No fowarding address availible. Great, keep out of touch for three hundred years or so, and the disappear from the face of the earth!" With a sign of resignation, he continued to flip through his index of Super powered beings with a remote chance in infinity of defeating Ranma. 


	31. Issue 3 Vol 3 'Repercussions'

'Ranma the Forever Man'  
  
Kodachi cheerfully skipped ahead, as Shampoo almost listlessly followed, barely able to keep her sword up. She stared at the overly chipper immortal woman, almost frolicing through the flat, grassy plains, feeling a seething anger that threatened to turn her heart to coal, lest she satiate her pride and honor by slaughtering the bitch before her. Attempting to lift her sword with great strain, Shampoo picked up a slight more speed. Just one more swing, that's all she needed, just lob off her head while she isn't paying attention. It was so simple, so elliquent.  
  
"RANMA! YOUR RAMPAGE CANNOT GO UNCHALLENGED, EVEN IF IT IS I WHO MUST FACE YOU IN DIRE COMBAT!!!"  
  
Shampoo face-faulted, as Kodachi spun around to find a grim looking man in morbid-looking armor, facing and shouting in the other direction with his shield and sword raised high above him in challenge.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Him  
  
The foul man who haunts the nightmares I've had for the past several centuries. The demon that is the cause of my existance. The vile bastard that prolonges my torment in this miserable plane of existance, forever robbed of the hope of finding peace beyond a world not my own. The architect that had designed the sturdy foundation of my ever-prolonged suffering, and outlined the frame of the Hell that contains my soul.   
  
But where are my manners? I simply must go make my presence known...  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
"RANMA!! PREPARE FOR THE GREATEST BATTLE YOU HAVE EVER PARTOOK IN! I SHALL NOT GIVE ANY..."  
  
"DIE!"  
  
"QUART...quart...er..?" Death looked down at the familiar blade sticking through his chest, just as Kodachi ripped it to the side in a cut that would have severed him in half. With a sheepish smile, Death turned to meet his attacker, being very glad that it wasn't Ranma he had been in the presence of. It would have definitely been fatal if he were facing the wrong direction with Ranma.  
  
After several moments of trying to place the furious, rageful contorted expression, Death blinked, "Black Petunia?"  
  
"THAT'S 'BLACK ROSE' YOU MISERABLE, IGNOBLE, DECAYING BASTARD!" Kodachi screamed out, as she once again lashed out at the Grim Reaper.  
  
The visage of death frantically blocked and parried Kodachi's attacks, "Um, why aren't you dead yet?"  
  
Kodachi's eye twitched at the question, before she turned her assault up a step. Death suddenly found blows snaking around his sheild and sword, even when he was sure he had completely fended the strike off.  
  
"Why, you ask?" As her arms blurred, Kodachi's voice remained rather calm. "How ironic that I dare ask you that very same question..."  
  
Shampoo looked on the current battle with wide eyes. Somehow, Kodachi was making the after-images of her blade suddenly alter their course, and attack from other angles. After looking intently, Shampoo realized that wasn't the case, but that the Black Rose's sword was trailing around like a sentient whip, a snake that used every portion of its body as a weapon, curving its midsection around the grim looking man's shield, twisting another part around his own sword, while the head stabbed violently at whatever seemed unprotected.  
  
Kodachi suddenly spun away, as a dustcloud was kicked up into a small tornado, enveloping death. The Grim Reaper leapt from the top of the windfunnel, and did a graceful backflip to safety. "You seem to think this is my fault..."  
  
"I would have just reason to believe so," Kodachi replied, coldly, as she swiped her chinese style shortsword outward towards the ground before her. A blue streak followed the tip's trail, kicking up dead grass and dirt from the tround, sending it at Death like an oncoming sandstorm. The spector guarded with his shield, as Kodachi moved almost outside of time to the rear. Death wasn't so easily surprised, as he spun, parried with his shield, and stabbed his claymore at his attacker.  
  
Kodachi twisted her back away from the strike, leaping into the air and inverting herself. As she did so, she stabbed her sword downwards, and it extended into the ground, and then vaulted her higher into the air. As the Black Rose was launched skywards, corkscrewing in a tight spin, a part of the blade contorted, and lashed out at Death. He easily parried it, and suddenly found another stretching from Excalibur to impale him.  
  
Suddenly, Death found himself trapped under what seemed like a large metalic daddy-longlegs, being forced to guard from any direction he felt an attack come from. Above him, Kodachi manipulated the spidering whip like a marionette from her inverted position. Suddenly, she righted herself, jerking the hilt of her weapon upwards, which in turn caused the legs of the 'spider' to snap tightly closed.  
  
Death easily twisted out of the trap, using his shield to hold open a crevice large enough for him to maneuver through. "That's why I found you instead of Ranma," Death mused out loud.  
  
"FINAL ATTACK!!!" kodachi shouted, still airborne and retracting her blade back into a shortsword, "BLACK ROSE LIGHTNING CLOUD!!!"  
  
Suddenly, the sky above and around Death darkened with the petals of black flowers overhead, blocking out the sun effectively, and not allowing him to see the 'thunderbolts' striking down at him in the dark.  
  
Kodachi landed, and patiently awaited to cloud to clear away, revealing a severely dismembered Grim Reaper. "I hope you're satisfied with yourself," the head replied in a dry, unamused tone.  
  
Kodachi allowed a smug smile to cross her face, "Immensely." She returned to her serious expression, "Although, I'm greatly disappointed. I expected you to at least make it through that attack reletively unsatched, being one that's battled the Great Ranma to a near standstill..."  
  
"Actually..." Death suddenly pulled himself back into one, kneeled to pick up his sword and shield, and stood at ease before Kodachi, "I figured letting you win would be the easiest way to end this fight. Especially since I don't even know what we're fighting about."  
  
"Your feigned ignorance is far from amusing," Kodachi growled, "I demand you release me from this eternal damnation of eternal life!"  
  
"Would if I could," Death replied with his hands out in a warding gesture, "just to be rid of you..." he added under his breath. Kodachi sharply rapped Death in the head with her sword, edge first.  
  
"That hurt, you know?" Death replied, feeling the large gash in his skull. He shrugged it off, before returning to business. "I'm not the one holding you here, something else is blocking my touch from you..."  
  
"Eh? You mean someone's purposely keeping me from being claimed..." Kodachi easily leaned sideways, as Shampoo's sword passed through where her head would have been. Death suddenly launched his foot into her, sending the Amazon sliding through the grass on the back of her head for almost half a kilometer, before she flopped over, and came to a stop on her face.  
  
Kodachi looked back at Shampoo with sympathy, before she turned a disapproving glare towards the Grim Reaper, "That was hardly necessary."  
  
"Well, she *was* trying to impale you," Death said, dryly.  
  
"Perhaps, but there was no need to kick her in the face to subdue her. You may damage that perfect nose of hers."  
  
"She's your consort?" Death asked, really just making light conversation, while hoping to add yet another fantasy to his ever-ending existance.  
  
"An aquiantance that has become my student, nothing more," Kodachi replied, cavalierly.  
  
Shampoo slowly picked herself off the ground, feeling rather dazed. With staggered steps, she made her way back to the two eternal beings.  
  
"Why is it you now have Excalibur?"  
  
Kodachi brought her weapon before her face, and mused upon it, "Ranma gave it to me for protection, saying that he was becoming annoyed with it's 'constant chatter'."  
  
Death sighed, "I don't suppose you could then tell me where Ranma is? I was attempting to track him through that..."  
  
"We parted ways centuries ago. I have no interest in locating him once again. What is it you require of him?"  
  
Death's own expression darkened, "He has much to answer for."  
  
"He always has, if you were more specific, I may find reason to join your quest in his search..." Kodachi replied, rather impassively.  
  
"Ranma single-handedly killed an entire city. That was an act that I cannot condone."  
  
Kodachi continued to favor Death with a hooded gaze, "He made you busier than you cared to be, I presume?"  
  
"Damn toot'n... that's from your era, I believe, 'Damn toot'n'... er, I haven't had rest in days because of that incident, but that's beside the point. That little stunt upset a great deal of carefully cultured balance, and he knows such an act would have repercussions."  
  
Shampoo was finally upon the two, and leapt to strike.  
  
"Wo ai ni, Airen!"  
  
Death quickly turned to Shampoo with wide-eyed shock, just before his shield came down upon Shampoo's head, and slammed her into the ground, face first.  
  
After a moment, Death blinked, and smiled with a little chagrin, "Ah... she surprised me there..."  
  
Kodachi rolled her eyes skywards, before sighing, "Then, it is possibly within my best interest that I assist you, if there are indeed dire consequences that would affect all. No less, do I advocate the annialation of a complete city..."  
  
The Black Rose held her blade before her vertically, as her own determined aura intermingled with the magic of the blade. "The Black Rose shall be the one that brings upon him justice, and vengence..." 


	32. Issue 4 Vol 3 'Thousands of Souls'

'Ranma the Foreverman'  
  
I would like to say that Ranma had lost his mind, but that was a given well before my associate Death brought me the news of this atrocity. Granted, the eternal never regarded other people's lives very highly, but callously striking down the denzens of a city, even so much as going out of his way to do so... this was most assuradly one task I would have put past him, regardless of his mental status.  
  
I hadn't spoken with him in centuries, but I doubt after his eons of existance, he would have changed much. I have to ponder what his motive would be, and I can be certain there was one, and as it is, nothing crosses my mind.  
  
If I am unable to resolve that enigma, perhaps I should muse on his next course of action? Hmph, as much good as that would do me, for it's already been decided that his current activities are far beyond my comprehension. I shall make this simple for myself; I will just find Ranma, and stop him. There, no further strenuous though required.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kodachi frowned, as she thought intently, staring off into space. Both Death and Shampoo patiently looked on as she sat in contemplation. Actually Death was busy retraining Shampoo without having to knock her out, and the last part was by Kodachi's request, as she said Shampoo sounded so cute spouting death threats.  
  
Finally, after about an hours contemplation, Kodachi stood up, and smiled. "I'm guessing you've got an idea on how to stop him?" Death enqired, still sitting on Shampoo while keeping her face-first in the brown grass laden ground. He hoped they weren't taking off too soon to fight his wayward avatar; Shampoo's impotent struggles under his bum were refreshingly relaxing, almost like a massage chair. "Thrash your left arm a little more, would you Shampoo dear?"  
  
Kodachi turned to Death with a confident grin, "I have not a one."  
  
"This grass tastes terrible," Death replied, picking his face up off the ground, "What in the eternal damnation is that grin for?"  
  
"Smile, and the world smiles with you," Kodachi replied, "You have no clues as to Ranma's whereabouts?"  
  
"No idea," Death replied, "Excalibur was the only way I could think of to find him. As good as he is, he could never even hope to hide it's aura."  
  
"That... may explain why he gave it to me," Kodachi considered, "He wanted to ensure he could never be found. I propose we visit the scene of the crime. Perhaps that would lead to clues of his actions."  
  
"You're plan is as good as any, I suppose," Death commented, "Though I doubt it would actually turn up anything."  
  
"Nonetheless, it is the only option we have available to us, until Ranma himself presents his person. Now, as to where did he accomplish this most despicable task?"  
  
Death gave Kodachi a low bow, "Allow me..." Without raising his head, he pointed beside him, directly to the midnight black portal that they hadn't noticed before, or just hadn't been there before.  
  
"Is... is that safe?" Shampoo enquired. She trusted her newfound husband, as rough as he tended to be, but the feeling radiating from the lightless vortex didn't feel too healthy.  
  
"It would most likely kill any mortal, actually," Death responded, honestly. Of course it wasn't any skin off his back if she did perish in the transit, particularly since he didn't have much skin on his back in the first place.  
  
At the trepid expression Shampoo grew, Kodachi sighed, and admonished their ferryman, "Honestly, can you not antagonize her?"  
  
"She's after your neck, and you're advocating her?" Death enquired. If he had any eyebrows, he would have raised one.  
  
Kodachi shrugged, before bending forward, and then dodging to the side from Shampoo's spear thrusts, "I don't take it personally."  
  
"Where was she hiding that?" The Grim Reaper asked out of idle curiosity. "And remember, death is my stock. This portal was intended for transit of souls, I'm improvising."  
  
The immortal gymnist suddenly spun around just as Shampoo lunged, and wrapped her left arm around the purple haired girl's waist, while her right arm held Excalibur to Shampoo's throat. The Amazon gulped, feeling the blade against her neck, just before it warped out, and became an enveloping sphere around both her and Kodachi.  
  
"This should keep you safe, my dear," Kodachi cooed, while tightening her hold on Shampoo, earning a growl for the intimate contact.  
  
"You wouldn't have needed it, if you are actually beyond my reach."  
  
Kodachi pouted, "but it provides with a welcome excuse to cuddle with my Dear Shampoo!" The raven-haired woman rubbed her chin against the back of the struggling girl's hair, "She feels so soft!"  
  
"Your innards will be much softer, would you like me to present them to you?" Shampoo asked in a saccharine sweet voice, while looking for some leverage to break the impossibly strong woman's hold.  
  
Without another comment, Kodachi urged Shampoo to move forward,walking into the darkness existing in mid air. "Ahhh, young... and old love..." Death sighed, following behind them.  
  
The first thing that hit Kodachi and Shampoo's senses, was death. The smell of decay, the sight of dried icor and blood scattered liberally, the sound of silence that echoed of the screams of the dead; if surrounded them, threatening to envelop them.  
  
"My..." Kodachi wasn't sure what to plead to, but such an atrocity needed an advocation or condemning by a power beyond herself. Shampoo's wide, fearful eyes scanned the land, seeming to look for one area, any area, that wasn't tarnished with such violent death.  
  
Kodachi could sense the anxiety building in the girl, growing to unhealthy proportions. She was going to break down if she wasn't given something else to focus on, "Shampoo..."  
  
As if she didn't hear her, Shampoo's head whipped side to side, frantically searching, scouring the area. She could begin to imagine the bustling streets, teeming with the dead and mangled, inviting her to partake in their existance as if she belonged there.  
  
"Shampoo, look at me..." the immortal woman commanded, grasping the Amazon's shoulder and turning her to face. Shampoo nearly screamed at the contact, as she was forced around. At the sight of Kodachi's concerned face, Shampoo didn't care who she was at the moment, as long as she wasn't of the thousands and thousands of ghosts that were demanding her attention.  
  
The Amazon quickly grasped onto Kodachi, who in turn protectively enclosed her arms around the young girl. The gymnast then turned to glare at Death, presuming what he was about to say, "Now would not be the time for any facetious commentary."  
  
Somewhat to her surprise, Death nodded, grimly, "Even in my existance, I can't find satisfaction or levity in this. I exist to regulate, not purge."  
  
"Death has a concience, imagine that," Kodachi snapped, rubbing Shampoo's back as the girl sobbed against her.  
  
"What was that about commentary?" Death warned, far from amused himself. Sure he could joke about all the work he was given, but to be up in the face of where the deed took place...  
  
The city would stay as it was, no one would come to clean it or restore it. Every body would remain unburied or uncremated, left to rot directly in the elements, for the carrion beasts to claim as nourishment. For coming eons would it stand as a monument until time finally claimed it, and buried it from sight and reccollection, just like much of those Kodachi knew of from her own original time. This time, it wasn't done by a madman given political power and an army, countries deciding they had run out of options, or nature introducing a new way to regulate the human population. It was by one man, one very dangerous man who had to be stopped.  
  
Kodachi swallowed, finding her throat dry. History texts would fail to relay the potency of such an event, "Sh-shall we go on with our search? I would like to be here no more longer than necessary."  
  
"That makes the three of us," Death replied, "I'm not squirmish, but this still remains unpleasant. Any ideas where you would like to begin? I couldn't even begin to comprehend where to start."  
  
"If you were intending mass murder, where would you start?" Kodachi enquired.  
  
Death noticed her looking towards deeper into the ruined city, "Deep among my victims, I would presume your answer to be?"  
  
Kodachi nodded, before whispering to Shampoo that she was safe with her, " Perhaps we should send her elsewhere for the time being, maybe her home village?"  
  
"It would be for the best," Death replied, Solumnly. The time and situation wouldn't permit him to voice it aloud, but there was a selfish alternative reason for agreeing to Kodachi's proposal.  
  
"N-no," Shampoo whispered, quietly, "I am a warrior, I need to see this. I need to understand the capacity of the demon we'll be hunting?"  
  
Kodachi raised an eyebrow, "What is this 'we' word you're using?"  
  
Shampoo glared at the immortal woman, "I do not like you, and I vowed to have you dead with your head hanging by your hair from my belt before I can return home, but I can't ignore this, even for personal obligations. And, because of our relationship, your word weighs little on my decision." Death internally groaned, he was so close!  
  
At that, Kodachi felt a little pride at the girl's resolve, "I suppose you're right. Come, let the three of us begin this search."  
  
As soon as Shampoo turned around, she froze, "Th... I think that won't be necessary..."  
  
Both confused by Shampoo's comment, Kodachi and Death followed her gaze, to find a man sitting on a crumbling wall, with his left forearm resting on his knee, and his right hand dangling Soul Swallower.  
  
"Hi," the Foreverman greeted with a malicious grin, using his free hand to wave to the trio. 


	33. Issue 5 Vol 3 'The Devil Himself'

Ranma the Foreverman  
  
Atrocity, as deplorable, as unfair, as devestating as they can possibly be, they still happen. It is a part of existance, if we wish to take joys in monumentous occasions, we have to contend with the atrocities. Balance, you could say, both the benevolent and the heinous must recieve their dues.  
  
Sometimes, regardless of how hard we work against their coming, we will eventually stand witness to the grandeur of atrocities. A hallmark of trajedy that scars all in memory. In mine own era, perhaps several decades prior, a Berlin housepainter with a deification fetish managed to inhale a good dosage of nerve gas... only a couple of decades later to threaten the world, and make his attempt to annialate an entire race. The details of this event are sketchy, for as long as I have remained alive, things tend to slip my mind, but suffice to say he orchestrated a colossal atrocity.  
  
From the records kept in this era, an ambitious magus attempted to wrest the control of magic from Akane herself, as she had been indesposed by her then husband, Ranma. His attempt left a gaping wound upon the Earth that spread a circumferance of many great paces a day. Everything it touched... well, death was a more welcome fate. Unwittingly, the greed of such a man left the world almost three fourths baren. It was by Ranma and Akane's doing that the planet wasn't eradicated. Even after several millenia, you can still find traces, parts of the world that would remain as useless as a gangreen infected limb.  
  
Currently, I stand among the remains of one of the most joyous, liveliest, productive cities this era knew. I stoically look about, and watch the river of blood flow around the small island I stand upon. In my own three hundred years, I couldn't honestly state that there was anything that compared to this sight. And though I manage a cool composure, it is but a mask that would be easily shattered under the slightest circumstances.  
  
Though not as massive as the previous atrocities I had mentioned, what makes this no less grave was the fact that it was done by one man...  
  
...the man that stands before me at this very moment.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"So, how's everyone doing?" Ranma enquired in a casual, jovial tone, as he hopped off the wall and strode to them like he had not single-handedly initiated a bloodbath.  
  
"R-Ranma?" Kodachi whispered his name in disbelief. The eternal woman's eyes narrowed, "What is the meaning of this?"  
  
The Forever Man paused, and blinked in confusion. As if he didn't comprehend what she was asking, he glanced around the enviorment, "Oh, this?"  
  
Kodachi drew her sword, but it wasn't to attack Ranma, "Cease, child," Kodachi stated in a resolvant voice, causing Shampoo to pause at least for a moment in her beginnings of an attack upon the immortal swordsman. Kodachi held her sword against the lavender haired girl's neck, allowing it to cut only slightly to show that she meant intent, "lest I slice off your head before you reach him. And I assure you my actions would be of mercy, as I would sooner kill you myself than allow you to come within reach of that infernal blade in his hands."  
  
"Nice of you to quell the lil' brat for me," Ranma chuckled, "I don't think she'd really be all that much trouble to deal with, ya know?"  
  
"As for you," Kodachi snarled, her expression turning into an envisionment of divine retribution and accumilated hatred of the thousands of dead souls that should inhabit this city of the dead. Kodachi swung her sword wide to gesture to their surroundings, "What is this! What devils possessed you to commit such an.... such an act?"  
  
Ranma scratched his head, and shrugged, "What this is, well, looks like a damn mess to me!" Ranma's grin became sharper, causing ancient muscles to stretch gauntly over his skull like thin rubber bands, bearing teeth that would make a death's head envious, "As for your second, that's a loaded question."  
  
"If someone attempted to posess you, I would know of it," Death interjected, frowning in barely veiled anger, "This, was all of your doing."  
  
Ranma tilted his head, amused, "And when, prey tell was the last time you had sensed me?"  
  
Beath remained silent, which garnered Kodachi's concern. "What is it that he refers to?"  
  
"Why are we talking, when we should be killing this beast?" Shampoo interrupted, growing angrier, the longer she was held at bay.  
  
Ranma, Kodachi, and Death ignored her. "He won't tell ya," Ranma answered for his former keeper, "He's got too much pride to admit that he host hold o' my leash... a little over a century ago."  
  
"And you didn't think to CONCERN yourself about this?" Kodachi demanded, rounding upon Death, the fury in her eyes demanding his tongue be loosened instantly.  
  
Death snorted down at Kodachi with distain, "Do not think to challenge me, immortal. Though I may not be able to take a hand in your demise, I can promise your eternal life can become quite unpleasant. And it wouldn't be the first time Ranma had slipped my notice, as long as he continued to do his duties, I would overlook it for a time."  
  
"And I did keep working like a good lil' toadie of Death, didn't I?" Ranma growled, his mirth turning into fustrated anger, "I toiled and slaughtered all the damn beasts you could find for me. But you know what? The damn things JUST KEPT ON COMING!" The Forever Man spit to the side, his warm saliva mingling with the cooled blood, almost steaming on contact, "Consider this my resignation."  
  
Death began to chuckle, causing both Kodachi and Shampoo to step away, before he burst into full blown laughter. Managing to reign in his hysterics momentarily, Death bought himself enough breath to ask, "And you simply think I'll just let you go, just like that? You're under MY thumb, whelp. Regardless how old you are, I still control you, one way or another."  
  
"And who are you trying to convince of this, him, or yourself?" Kodachi blinked, and she, Ranma and Death looked at her, awaiting an explanation. Realizing she had everyone's attention, the Amazon continued, "If I was not mistaken, you happened upon us while making a direct challenge."  
  
"Facing the wrong way, I may so boldly add," Kodachi boldly added.  
  
"You're not helping matters," Death mumbled under his non-existant breath.  
  
"No, it is you who had not helped any of this, and continue to inhibit the situation with your half-truths!" Shampoo's glare became hotter, "I thought Death is supposed to be the ultimate truth!"   
  
"Hmm, wish I could have been there to see it!" Ranma mused, imagining the scene of the Grim Reaper spouting off some melodramatic challenge while not even facing the correct direction.  
  
Shampoo saw herself on a roll, and continued to run with the momentum. "Because of your incompetence, you let... THIS..." Shampoo shoved a dumbfounded Kodachi out of the way, stormed up to Ranma, and pointed directly at him with her left hand, "THIS BASTARD TO LAY WASTE TO A WHOLE VILLAGE!"  
  
"It's not nice to point, and don't undermine my accomplishment, it was a pretty large city," Ranma chided and corrected, uncaring about the girl's anger, even when it suddenly sharpened, and focused.  
  
Kodachi's eyes went wide, just as she realized what was going to happen. Instantly, she willed her sword into a whip, and launched herself at Shampoo, knowing that it would be in vain.  
  
Shampoo spun, as her right hand was suddenly holding her sword again, and she lunged at Ranma. She was surpised at how easy it was to distract Kodachi enough to get close to Ranma; her elders would be quite proud of her if she managed to bring down such a powerful being as Ranma.  
  
Ranma, undoubtly, was underwhelmingly impressed. He didn't even expect Shampoo to see him move, he simply expected her to fall in two pieces. Simply tilting his head to the side to keep it from getting skewered, his own black blade flew into Shampoo's side. She didn't even feel it begin to bite into her all too delicate flesh, slice through muscle on its way towards internal organs.  
  
Fortunately for her, it didn't make it's intended trek all the way through her waist, as it was haulted abruptly, and she pulled away from the strike an instant after.  
  
Kodachi whipped her weapon to the left of the two, causing it to strike furiously into the ground, and then willed it to bounce from the ground at an angle to intercept Ranma's own weapon. The meeting of dark evil magic against pristine power erupted in a furious and fantastic display. Kodachi managed to shield her eyes, expecting the effect, while pulling Shampoo away.  
  
"Ooooooh! Sparkly!" Ranma cooed, enjoying the light show that was caused by the weapons that were said to be complete rivals of one another. During his distraction, Death leapt high above the spectacle, aiming to swipe the edge of the shield on his left arm through Ranma's skull, following with the blade in his right hand through Ranma's chest. That should slow him down enough to put him away," Death considered.  
  
Kodachi almost dropped Shampoo to turn and assist their ally, but felt the wetness of the limp girl's side against her hand. Kodachi looked down, and gasped. She didn't think she would truly make it in time, but she never lost the ability to hope in all her centuries.  
  
Ranma almost casually batted the shield across him with the flat of his left hand, keeping it from doing any damage, while parrying Death's sword with his own. Ranma then brought his left hand back to check his opponent's right arm, and used the hilt of the sword to drive it into Death's skull, sending him flying backwards.  
  
Death slide across the ground, holding his chin painfully, "Ah, a little help, here?"  
  
"Pleasepleasepleasepleasedon'tdieonmeplease..." Kodachi mumbled, a she desperately reached into her belt pouch, pulling out a vial. She couldn't afford to take her hand off of Shampoo's deadly wound, and used her free hand to hold the bottle while she uncorked it with her teeth, and then dumped its contents into her mouth. Shampoo's mouth was half open, which Kodachi took advantage of, as she captured Shampoo's mouth with her own.  
  
Death was finding out just exactly how rusty his own swordplay skill were, and how much Ranma kept in practice. Managing to break away while only losing the top left side of his head, Death called out to his companion, "LEAVE THE GIRL! WE HAVE MORE IMPORTANT MATTERS!"  
  
"I WILL NOT LET HER DIE!" Kodachi screamed back, before turning to look at Shampoo. She felt the wound under her hand begin to heal itself from the elixer, but the girl had lost a great deal of blood, "WE RETREAT!"  
  
After loosing his shield arm and right kneecap in one swipe, Death decided that they did indeed need to regroup. Hobbling away, only because Ranma let him with some amusement, Death opened a portal, "This way."  
  
"I cannot take Shampoo through!" Kodachi retorted, angrily, knowing that the girl would die if she did pass through Death's portal.  
  
Ranma laughed at the scene, infinitely entertained by it, "You kids are too much! I think I'll save some of the fun for later, as I have, you know, other stuff to do?" Ranma sheathed his sword, and turned his back to all of them, starting to walk down the street, "Just remember, Even with the three of you together, it wouldn't be enough to stop me. After all..." Ranma began to fade away, using a technique that he had forgotten the name to long ago, "I'm the greatest there is!"  
  
_________________  
  
Kodachi sat vigilantly over Shampoo, checking to ensure the girl was wrapped tight from the chill night air, and as comfortable as conditions could allow them. Death's portal appeared on the opposite side of the campfire that provided additional warmth and light against the darkness. The Grim Reaper stepped from it with an expression of neutrality that was masking his irritation.  
  
"Together, we may have had a chance."  
  
"Do not delude yourself," Kodachi replied, quietly, "We both would be no match for him, or is it not apparent you're swordplay has faltered lately?" Kodachi looked down at Shampoo, stroking the girl's forehead, testing for fever, "And I am well aware of my standing to Ranma's skill. In any less than an eternity, I would never match him."  
  
"You would not know until that hypothosis was tested," Death replied, though not with much heat, "I do not see why you didn't simply abandon the girl, she is dead."  
  
"Are you blind?" Kodachi growled, "She is still alive, thanks to my desperate efforts..." Kodachi sighed, and shifted positions to lay beside Shampoo, "I could not afford to lose her."  
  
"Attached to a corpse, I never expected you for a necrophiliac," Death replied, rolling his eyes.  
  
"I have to have SOMEONE to care for!" the immortal woman snapped, "And for the last time, she is NOT dead! Look! She still gains breath!"  
  
Death blinked, before stalking over to the two. Much to his surprise, Shampoo was breathing, "But... but that's impossible!"  
  
"No, the wound was dire, but rectifiable with immidiate action," Kodachi replied, tiredly, starting to feel the exertion of the day upon her.  
  
"You're not realizing something," Death argued, "Ranma was using SOUL SWALLOWER! The weapon that stole souls as soon as it broke flesh. She by all rights should be DEAD by now!"  
  
Kodachi realized the truth in his words. 


	34. Issue 6 Vol 3 'Lost Solutions'

Ranma the Forever Man 

"N-no..." Kodachi murmured, quickly snapping her head back down to look at Shampoo. The young woman wasn't dead, she reminded herself with much relief, but she feared for other issues. "Shampoo... Shampoo dear, wake up..."

Gently responding to the prodding, the lavender haired Amazon stirred. "What do you want, Demoness?" Shampoo demanded in a slurred, tired voice.

"Shampoo, look at me."

"I refuse to give into your perverse games, vile demon," Shampoo responded, cranky from being woken up from her sleep, and irritable from the lingering pain in her side.

"DAMN IT, LOOK AT ME!!!"

Shampoo jolted, staring at the immortal woman with a small bit of fear that she couldn't disguise. Kodachi stared hard into Shampoo's eyes, before visibly sagging in relief. 

(0)

So, there is a secret that Ranma holds from us; something has become of Soul Swallower. I had greatly feared that Shampoo may have succumbed to a fate even greater than death; to be living, and parted with her soul.

The Soulless are easily identified; for their eyes are as flat and dead as fog on a starless night. They can function, but they are never truly living. From the spark in her eyes, and the defiance she still affords me, I am greatly relieved to find my concerns were for naught.

That leaves one important question; what had transpired? I am well versed in the abilities of such a cursed blade without my cohort addressing them. Could this be linked to the reason for the mass slaughter? Was Ranma attempting to gorge the blade until its dark appetite was sufficiently quelled? Such an act is far from forgivable, even if there were a benevolent purpose to it. It is paramount we discover the answer to this enigma, lest hidden danger catch us all unawares.

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"Why are you so attached to that child, anyhow?" Death had to ask. The way Kodachi favored Shampoo... it wasn't like Ranma or Akane's fits, when they would take on a mortal as some form of pet, servant, or casual lover. The Grim Reaper could easily see that the immortal cared for the girl far beyond a temporary distraction.

Kodachi shook herself out of her reverie, looking at Death. Shampoo herself opened her eyes more, and watched the immortal woman, equally interested in the answer. They were enemies, Shampoo and her tribe had sworn to destroy the demoness that supposed herself a rival to their own origin mother. Yet, The Black Rose held no ill will towards her. Granted, she expressed her less than favorable opinion of the Amazon, but she had no hate for her.

For the longest time, Kodachi remained silent, before patting Shampoo on the hip, and standing up. She walked away from the fire, staring at the sky, "What do you suppose is the situation concerning Soul Swallower? Shampoo certainly hasn't fallen victim to its true terror, much to her fortune."

Both Shampoo and the Grim Reaper wanted to bring the question back to the fore, and not allow the raven haired immortal to shrug it off, but understood her inquiry was more important. "That... is a mystery," Death admitted, squatting next to the fire. Shampoo glanced over at him, knowing her obligation as his 'wife', but didn't feel up to having the deification beat out of her for her advances at the moment; she was feeling sick and sore enough as it was.

"And one that must be answered with haste," Kodachi replied, "I have a grave suspicion that such knowledge will prove vital in the near future."

"Astute when it comes to the obvious. Your centuries of living have served you well," Death replied, sarcastically.

Kodachi would not give him the satisfaction of his childish behavior, "Then perhaps you have come to a remedy to our ignorance, since you seemed to have moved well beyond the point of deduction of this dilemma."

Death snorted, but gave no other reply.

The Black Rose sighed, turning back to her companions and the fire, "It appears that we shall have to confront him once again, and hope his arrogance becomes the best of him so that he supplies us with sufficient clues to decipher."

"I doubt he'll talk, since he seems less interested in our opinions of things," Death commented, barely hiding his own frustration.

Kodachi closed her eyes, nodding slightly in agreement, "This seems little more than a game to him, and why shouldn't he? I can now clearly see he simply did this for his own entertainment. The moment of value has probably already passed for him, and he will not treat us with the same mercy as earlier if he's irritated with us."

"Then we must call upon the help of the blessed Mother."

"You're mother wouldn't be of much help," Death replied to Shampoo's suggestion, "She's been dead since you were three, if you haven't forgotten."

"No," Shampoo began to clarify, as she sat up. She waited a few moments for the sensation of dizziness and nausea to pass, before continuing, "Mother of the Amazons, Akane. It was said she was once wed to the demon of Death. Would she not know his whereabouts?"

Akane, a name that made both Death and Kodachi flinch. It wasn't a name that was far from their minds, but it was one they never liked acknowledging. Even when they were on the basis of acquaintance with the woman, they didn't regard her as someone they happily played comrades with.

"That..." Kodachi started, not meeting Shampoo's eyes, "Is not a possibility."

"But it was said in our legends that whenever you challenged Akane, she always answered, and bested you in monumental battles."

"For one, I have never confronted your 'dear' Akane in any manner," Kodachi quipped, "and secondly, we have no means of contacting her. Ever since... a time ago... she has not been seen. She had purposely secluded herself."

"I'm not even capable of reaching her, and I am always in contact with all living beings." In truth, Akane wasn't truly a 'living' being in the classical sense, but he didn't think he should be out of touch with her, nonetheless.

Shampoo wouldn't be abated in her idea, and chose to speak on her beliefs, "But if the time is truly as dire as you say, then she will appear among us." Shampoo shrunk back, as she glanced at her 'beloved's' expression of barely contained humor. She didn't know what was worse; to be in the company of two of the most notoriously evil entities of Amazon lore, or to have to withstand their mockery of her beliefs and heritage.

Kodachi, even if in the same presence of thought as Death, was much more sympathetic, "Xian Pu, Akane... she must have expressed interest in these ordeals if she were to intervene. Even with her assistance, I doubt it would prove anywhere near sufficient in dealing with her former husband."

Shampoo knew better to further argue the point, but refused to accept what she was told. The words of devils that slander the name of her beloved goddess; the mother of the Amazons, would never be taken by a true Amazon warrior. "So be it, if that is what you believe," Shampoo countered, "but if you are sincere in your intent to defeat Ranma, you would not so quickly dismiss her as an ally."

"I... I have not," Kodachi responded, looking towards Shampoo with tired eyes, "But to outright depend on her would be beyond desperation. The option remains open if it by some chance presents itself, but we cannot afford to invest our energy towards it."

"Well, then what is it you believe we should invest our energy to?" Shampoo quipped, feeling she may now have an edgewise on the discussion.

"We need to find out what is amiss with Soul Swallower," Kodachi announced, "That... is where the key to Ranma's behavior, and his defeat, must dwell."

"So, where is it you propose we start this search of yours?" Death spoke up, deciding it was their best course of action as of yet.

Kodachi stared up into the sky, "Where that cursed blade originated from, of course. Perhaps if we understood its origins, we could then discover how it operates, and finally what currently inhibits it."

"Which could potentially reveal Ranma's plans, clever, if not for one minor detail," Death interjected. "If you've ever taken a good look at the world now, you'll note it isn't quite the same. The land you once knew as Egypt eroded eons ago when the river it bordered expanded into the Guistess Ocean. Whatever you were hoping to find there would be long gone."

Kodachi's smirk was hidden from the other two, "How about 'then'?"


	35. Issue 7 Vol 3 'Tracing Steps'

Ranma the Forever Man 

"Well, here it is." Death stated, gesturing over the vast ocean that they floated upon.

:"Your humor is dryly noted," Kodachi responded, looking over the side of their small ship, as if trying to see the land that lay leagues beneath them; buried for millennia under the depths of the Guistess Ocean, "Well, how far back do you believe we traverse?"

"This is your call," Death stated, "I'm only here to provide you with the means."

The eternal gymnast quirked an eyebrow, "It almost subtly sounds as if you will be bowing out of this venture."

The Grim Reaper snorted, "I can't be displaced, at least for any significant amount of time. Really bad things start happening when I am. Plus, you will need a conscience of origin."

"So that we can return to our prop-... to this time," Kodachi deduced. "Then, I suppose that Xian Pu and I-"

"It is SHAMPOO!" The Amazon growled, "If you insist on humiliating me as your captive, the least you can do is grant me the dignity of my proper name."

"Which I do," Kodachi responded casually, "For I refuse to play a hand in that distasteful jest that your 'mother' devised.

"Our names are a proud heritage, regardless of your blasphemous beliefs!"

"One of your most revered names, 'Douche', is a term from my time that describes the equipment used and process to which women sanitized their vagina by which cleansing fluid was ejaculated to within for rinsing out various unsavory pathogens from our system."

Shampoo's expression remained blank, as Death tried nearly in vain not to break down laughing.

"Is that why Mother always laughed?" Shampoo asked in a meek voice.

Kodachi used the flat of Excalibur's blade to knock Death upside the head, silencing him. With a sigh, the raven haired woman relented, "I suppose it no longer matters. It is a dead term from a time long gone. If it has meaning as a name now, so it shall be." Changing the conversation back to the correct track, Kodachi once again peered into the water, "I suppose that Shampoo would require my assistance in breathing?"

The Grim Reaper rubbed his temple with a sour expression, glaring at Kodachi, "For a quad-centennial year old woman who just gave a remarkably intelligent definition just a few moments ago, you aren't all that bright. We are floating over the near center of the Guistess, where the Nile was."

"I see, how courteous of you," Kodachi graced, choosing to ignore the insult, "If I recall from studies, that would put us... right within the waters of the Nile when we arrive to whenever, approximately a meter or so."

"We're in the middle of an Ice Age," Death stated, "The sea level's much lower than your time."

Kodachi nodded in understanding, and looked up to find the portal to their destination open twenty meters above them. "And how is it we will contact you when we are ready to return?"

"Just shout, I'll bring you back when you call." With a nod in grattitude, Kodachi looked towards the portal once more. Shampoo yelped, as the gymnast grabbed her around the waist, and launched them both to the blue circle that would take them

* * *

I never did tell him of a destination, yet he had the portal prepared for us. I suppose it was not necessary, as we were both previously agreed the best place to discover answers behind Soul Swallower were when it originated. Learning about the cursed weapon would tell us what effects it has on its welder, and possibly its creator could also tell us how to circumvent the effects.

The only issue is hoping we hit within the temporal vicinity of Soul Swallower's origin. In hindsight, taking Xian Pu along was not the most necessary of actions, as her life span may very well fall short of when I may even truly begin this quest. Nonetheless, I am more than honest with myself to admit I would dearly miss her companionship, even if she remained dead set in attempting to slay me till her dying breath. I won't be bothered to entertain the notion of her succeeding.

Hmm, I never would have expected this trip to last so long. Being robbed of my sense of sight and hearing would prove quite vexing, if not for the sense of touch that remained. I could feel Xian Pu tensing, obviously unsure if fighting my embrace would be the best of ideas. I doubt she would fare as well as I had if she had become accidentally temporally displaced.

It is not the first time I wonder why was it that Death could not simply send me back to my own era. Now I merely presume it to be some technicality in some quasi-metaphysical rulebook that bars him from putting me back where I had once belonged. Even considering the ease of which I was 'supposedly' traveling back in time, there must be a reason.

I have been telling myself that for almost two centuries. I'll explain that to myself once more to pass the time of this journey.

* * *

The humidity belayed the sun-scorched desert sands that grew deeper and deeper in color, just as they reached the banks of a seemingly out of place river. The dark soil bordering it was the work of the two rivers' blessing; the east born brother bringing fertile soot and dirt the southwest to enrich lands along its longer western brother that would have been impossible to inhabit by most life.

From the murky gray waters that flowed steadily southwards of the westernmost river, a mop of raven locks ripped from its sun-glittered surface, spraying droplets to reflect the solar light like mercurial diamonds. With a gasp of sweet air, Kodachi quickly dove back into the depths of the powerful river, moments later surfacing with her companion in her arms. She had not thought that they would emerge within the waters of the Nile, so the issue with attempting to breath once they emerged where they needed to be became problematic.

Kodachi herself found it a situation easily rectified, and understood if Shampoo wasn't as quick as she was in this realization. Fortunately, they had not been under long enough, but Shampoo had inhaled several breaths of water before she had been pulled to the river bank.

Not quite finding it in any distaste, the gymnast brought her mouth to Shampoo's in order to jump start the girl's breathing...

"Why must you always molest me when you think my guard is down?"

"Good, you are well," Kodachi replied, nonplussed.

Shampoo sat up, coughing in fits. Kodachi gravitated between helping the other girl, and letting her suffer. The larger mass of thought happened to stem from being accused of molesting the young woman. Well, truthfully, she could well be guilty of that, but that was beside the point.

"Where are we? Where have you taken me?" Shampoo demanded, vexed with once again being forced to accompany her arch-nemesis. This would put a damper on any attempts to kill the woman, since she was not sure if she would be able to get Death's attention to return back home.

"I thought you could benefit from a history tour," Kodachi responded, "For where we are, this is a land long... long lost before your time; an era that only left vague clues of its existence even in mine."

"Your history does not interest me, it is not Amazon history." Shampoo stated, glaring at the ancient and youthful looking woman with great defiance.

"Must you be so melodramatic all the time?" the gymnast retorted in a vexed tone. "If you wish to return home, let us simply begin our journey so we may finish it that much sooner."

"Agreed, once we are done, we shall return to our proper place so that I may kill you for this latest transgression."

"One-track mind," Kodachi muttered. "I suggest we head north until we find civilization. If we're fortunate, we may find somewhere that Latin is a known language."

"Latin?"

"Ancient language of the Romans. They might be of interest to you for they were the originators of the first Amazon tribe," Kodachi tilted her head, "or had that been the Greeks?"

"Shall we go now?" Shampoo urged, not particularly caring about 'obviously' falsified information. With a roll of her eyes, Kodachi began their trek up the River Nile.

* * *

Books, scrolls, parchments, and many other items of scribe formed mountains few men would ever dare climb in the vast space of darkness that seemed to go on forever. In the midst of it, stood a table with one occupant sitting at it. For longer than it cared to consider, the figure had remained at the table, digesting literature after literature, storing it all within an eidetic mind that would hold all this information for all time if time ever came to an end.

For several hundred years, this figure had diligently worked at its task. It buried itself in knowledge, forcing it to forget its pain and loss that was unbearable for a being even of its age. There was nothing that would bring it out of its studies, nothing that it would derail its quest for knowledge.

For the first time in centuries, it paused, noticing a lack of sensation. With a focus on trying to consider what it lost, revelation dawned on the figure.

"It can't be..." the figure murmured to itself, finding its own voice trembling with concern and fear, "I... I can't feel Kodachi..." The petite figure stood up from the table; palms flat against the wooden surface. For centuries she had kept reading and reading, hoping to ignore the pain of the husband she lost, and she had succeeded. Now, she could not ignore the loss of a cherished part of her past.

Akane could not ignore death of Kodachi.


End file.
